"Who dunnit?"

Playing CLUE with the family = fun and laughing harder than you've laughed in weeks!

What fun things do you like to do with your family?

Go ahead!  Set aside some time from that busy schedule. 

 It might even seem a little boring at first...but you never know 

what special memories might be made.  :)

By the way, congratulations to Jav for solving the mystery!

What we do and why I love it {Homeschooling}

I've been reflecting on what being a homeschool family means to me.  There are aspects of my story that I want to share.  As you are reading, please do not think that I consider myself to be better or more correct than those who choose another way.  Like everything else in life, there are many options available to us.  It is through prayer, seeking direction from God and discerning truth from his word that our decisions should be made.

Homeschooling is a preference not a biblical command.  Each family will have to lay everything out on the table and consider what will work best for them.  But even when all things are considered, God may still lead a family into very challenging territory.  He doesn't always lead us to path that would seem easiest for us.

Whatever path a family chooses, there will be wonderful joys and experiences that they wouldn't trade for the world.  And there will also be challenges that cause them to think long and hard about whether or not they are doing what is best for their children.

People often ask what we do and how we do it.  I thought I'd lay that out a little, without getting too technical.  First, we wake up very early.  We make personal time with God our first priority.  We eat together, we clean together and best of all, we play together.  We are involved in ministry and serving God inside and outside of our home and relationships are being developed and strengthened.  I appreciate the flexibility of our schedule in that sense.

I can discipline my children and pray with them as things come up.  I know their struggles, I know how they learn and what they need to learn.  I love that I can integrate academic learning with everyday life.  This is the thing I love most about homeschooling and at times it is also my greatest challenge.  Particularly when it feels like there is so much going on that I can hardly keep up with it all.  But I know that these feelings of being overwhelmed are not unique to homeschooling and God's grace is sufficient.  I love that if one of my children does something memorable, cute or funny I can call all of the children to share in the moment.  To me, this is priceless. 

So how does this learning take place?  And what do I do with the small children?  These are questions I am often asked.  As a growing family, our schedule is often being tweaked to find what works best for us.  I'll try to describe a typical day for you, including the approach I am taking now that Clara is in K5.

Those who can read get up early to read their Bible.  After breakfast (around 7am) the clean up begins and I meet with Clara to go over her memory work for "Kids 4 Truth".  Then I get her started on her schoolwork.  Once she can work a little on her own, I begin with Amera.  Meanwhile, other children are either cleaning up from breakfast, tidying up their rooms, or beginning their independent work.  Whether its reading, handwriting or spelling...there is much that they are able to do on their own, with help available if they need it.  We work like this until about 9:00.  I go for a walk with Amera and Joelle while the others snack and play until it's time to clean up for lunch (1030am).

After lunch, we begin piano practice and the cleaning tasks for that particular day.  We have a chart posted that keeps us on track with what we need to do.  While these things are being accomplished I begin to teach one while the other finishes and vice versa.  It's a very strategic system.  Our goal each day is to be finished with our work by 4-4:30pm.  I've learned that the the best time to teach them from the Bible is either after lunch (when my husband can teach them) or after dinner (with me teaching them).  Sometimes my husband's schedule changes and I have to be flexible.  I just make it my goal to teach them whenever I can.  I shared some ideas about what we do here ---> "5 ideas for teaching your children about God"

As far as the small children?  They play just like they would if we were doing something else.  Isabel plays on the floor with her toys and Manny with his.  Sometimes they play together, sometimes not.  Manny often sits at the dining room table with us and colors.  He says it's his "school".  Sometimes we are interrupted by a child who is crying, diapers must be changed and conflicts need to be resolved.  That's life!  I just have to pause and say I'll be right back.  Sometimes I can tell them to read something until I get back.  Other times they can just take a small break and talk to a sibling.  It just flows naturally.  It's life being lived.  It's everyone accomplishing what they have to do under the same roof and sometimes in the same room.

Without a doubt, the thing I love most about having my children at home with me is the frequent opportunity I have to teach them about God.  And this is not just with Bibles open and having a "lesson" though I do strive to do that often.  But it's those middle of the day conversations.  It's answering questions as they come up.  It's being together, living, growing, and learning from the experiences we share.  That is why I love homeschooling so much.

Read about how our homeschooling journey began here: "How it all started"

5 ideas for teaching your children about God

["I'm gonna read about how God died on a cross.", said Manny,  as he enthusiastically 

opened this Bible Story book from the library and plopped down on the floor]

If you've ever thought "I know I need to teach my children about God, but I just don't know where to start"... If you've ever felt under-qualified, unprepared, or even unwilling...then this post is for you.  We all need a little encouragement sometimes.  It takes effort and perseverance to make teaching the Bible to our children a high priority.  They will not learn it from us by osmosis.  We must take the time to teach them it's life-giving truths even as we are learning them ourselves.  And so I've listed here five ideas to get you going.  Nothing earth shattering, just some things that have worked for us and that I hope will be an encouragement to you.  May God bless your efforts as you make teaching your children about him a top priority.


5 ideas for teaching your children about God

1.  Teach them about what you read in your Bible that day.  It doesn't have to be some finely constructed lesson.  Just share with them what you are reading and what you are learning.  Casually and naturally interact with them and let them see your enthusiasm for God come through.

2.  Don't let it discourage you if you haven't spent time with God on your own.  Satan would love to derail you with this one.  Open the Bible together!  Read a passage or a chapter or ONE VERSE.  After all, sometimes less is more.  "One verse" times work really well with the Proverbs.  Pick one and talk about it.  Learn to ask them questions to get them thinking.  This takes a little practice and sometimes you will feel like you are not accomplishing much and your questions are kind of dumb.  But don't let that stop you.  The more you do it the better you'll get at it.  If you're a little more ambitious, a good place to open up to and read a chapter are the gospels.  Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.  Take your pick!  You can open up anytime and tell them about something amazing Jesus did.  And don't be surprised if you find yourself edified and encouraged.

[This is one we got from the library from Zonderkidz]

3.  If possible, keep a Children's Bible handy.  Put it on the end table or coffee table in the living room.  Did you know they have these at the library?  There are many to choose from and if you renew once, you could keep one on your table for sixty days.  This has helped me when I can't afford to go out and spend money on a book.  Having a Children's Bible handy encourages a spontaneous, middle of the day opening of the Bible.  The pictures will grab your child's attention and motivate interest in the story.  Having one on our coffee table has led to my children asking me to read it to them.  And believe me, that is a request that I don't think I've ever turned down!

[This is from our Seek and Find Bible, Crossway, ESV.  We've even gotten creative and used the pictures for Power Point presentations that I use to teach the kids the Bible.  The Bible account is right next to the picture and it also contains the full Bible text.  I've mentioned before that I like this Bible a lot! :) ]

4.  Use a favorite hymn, maybe one that you sang at church recently, and teach your children truths about God from it.  The hymns are so packed with doctrine and are a wonderful way to teach about God.  You can make copies for each of your children to read from.  Sing it together and then each day teach them about a different verse.  Define difficult words for them (and you!).  Use it as a springboard for a lesson on a Bible passage.  Ask them questions and get them talking.

5.  If you know a Bible account well enough to tell it from memory, do it!  I find that this is what captivates my children most.  Just the fact that you can tell it from the heart, with animated expression and enthusiasm keeps their attention better than anything.  You can casually bring it up at the dinner table.  You could say "Hey kids, this morning I was reading ______ and I was so encouraged to read about how God _______."  Share the account with them in your own words.  They'll love that.  It shows them that it means something to you because you have spent time on it and thought about it.  We have done this after dinner on occasion.  The last time we did this, it was actually Amera who told them all about when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.  It was great and we interacted a lot as she asked us questions.  It was neat for me to see that my oldest daughter was able to teach them so well.

There are so many ways that you can spend time with your children with a focus on God's word.  Maybe I'll do another post in the future with five more!

What ideas have worked well for your family?  Please share!

A time for celebration {writing prompt}

"Mommy, I do it myself."  It can be hard to make the transition from our children being totally dependent to being independent.  The journey starts out with our babies being totally dependent on us for everything they need.  We feed them, change them, clean them, dress them and we practically come to a point where it is automatic for us.  But then, somewhere between the age of two and three (or maybe even sooner) they begin wanting to do things for themselves.

I know we should be glad and we should happily welcome this new change, but it's not always so easy.  Letting them do it takes longer.  Letting them do it means it may not get done in the same way we would do it.  We may even have to endure just letting them try for a while, and still, they may not be able to do it.  And then we will end up doing it anyway.  All of these being very good reasons why it is so hard to step back and let them try.  We don't want to go through the trouble or rather, watch them go through the trouble.  But we must let them try.

Manny will be three on September 2nd.  He wants to do everything by himself now.  He is very motivated!  I am glad about that and I am encouraging him, but... we have our moments.  First, while it is good to be independent, he needs to know when to ask for help.  Knowing when to ask for help is a strength, not a weakness.  We are not meant to do everything "all by ourselves".  Manny is learning this and I know it is a lesson that he will need to take into his adulthood.  Because even his mama is still learning to ask for help when she needs it.

The other day, I was all "business as usual" and I shampooed Manny's hair for him because that is what I have always done.  Never mind that he is almost three and can probably do it himself now.  Never mind that he has already shown me signs that he wants to do it.  They were frustrating signs though.  Like when I stepped away for a moment, and I think he decided that he wanted to be like big brother.  So he tried to shampoo his hair.  He ended up crying because he got soap in his eyes.  And I come rushing in like "Oh my goodness!  What are you doing?!"  I think this happened on two separate occasions and just the other day it happened again.  The funny thing was I had already shampooed his hair and he was doing it again.  And it got in his eyes and he was crying.  

So, I'm on my knees, hunched over the side of tub and rinsing his hair.  "Manny...mommy already washed your hair..."  I carefully rinsed off the soap and he was no longer crying.  The whole time I was wondering why it took three times for me to get the clue that I should teach him how to do this on his own.  Believe me, I love it when my children become more independent.  But I guess that it's just hard to change a routine sometimes!

Well, it hit me in that moment.  My heart was warmed and I was smiling as I rinsed his hair.  And I said "Manny, I am so glad that you want to do this all by yourself.  You are getting to be such a big boy now.  Next time, I'll teach you how to do it."  You should have seen his happy face!  In my heart I felt such gladness that he has a desire to do things on his own.  It's a good thing.  It should be encouraged.  It is even something to celebrate.

Happily linking up here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/a-time-of-celebration/

Happily filling in the lines

It was a simple thing to do.  We were home together and we decided to color and forget about other things that needed to be done.  Just for a little while.

The table was completely covered with all of the implements.  The music played just loud enough to hear and sing along if anyone had the inclination.  All at the table were mostly quiet though, as colors were added to their papers.  With the exception of the chuckles that were heard, after Manny exclaimed something funny about the picture he was coloring.  He colors with tremendous excitement and practically trembles with joy when he presses the crayon onto the page, moves it, and (gasp) colors come out!  I love his fascination with simple things like that!

In other news...I'm taking little Clara to Lowe's for the free kid's workshop today.  It will be her first time.  I needed something special that I could do, just one on one with her.  Lowe's is right across the street from us and it's a free activity...so win, win!  She's actually been looking forward to it all week.  I'm looking forward to having some time together to talk and laugh and just do something different.  

I love weekends!

Written, but regretted

I have a lot on my mind lately.  I almost feel like I could write a post about each and every thing, but that would probably result in me blabbing too much...and I've already had the feeling that I did that recently.  For that reason, I totally revised a recent post of mine ("Busyness and the message we are sending").  It was something that I wrote and posted fairly quickly and positively hated later.  I knew it was just full of things that needed to be changed and I hated the thought that I probably came across like I was rambling on and on about busyness like I had nothing better to do! Ha!  Really, I am simply making an attempt to write out the intricate workings of my mind.  That is not always an easy task. ;)

I was so "bugged" by that post that I started up a conversation about it with Amera.  She asked if she could read it and then we set to work revising it together.  I was thankful for a fresh set of eyes to read it and help me evaluate it.  And yes, it was a bit humbling.  I had to laugh at myself as I was then able to see my obvious errors that needed to be fixed.  This is where I'll take the opportunity to say thank you, dear readers, for bearing with me and all of my grammatical errors.  I am definitely a work in progress.

There is something else that I have evaluated in hindsight. . . I recently posted an article from another blog (Desiring God // "Teach children the Bible is not about them") on my wall on Facebook.  I posted it because I wanted people to read it, evaluate it, and see the concerns I had with it.  I was hoping that it would edify other believers.  Personally, I enjoy the exercise of trying to understand and discerning more about what the Bible teaches and doesn't teach when I read an article.  I consider it a strengthening exercise.  But in hindsight...I hoped that I did not come across like I had a problem with the person that wrote it or with the children's Bible that she wrote.  I honestly began to question if I had handled things appropriately by posting the link.  There wasn't any way that I could leave the author of the post a comment on the blog...but I began to think of myself in the same position.  What if someone disagreed with something I posted on and instead of contacting me and telling me, just started pointing out the flaws all over Facebook?  Yes, I stand for truth and yes I want to warn people...but I don't know.  I'm not so sure if I did things right.  Do you ever feel like that?  I'm just not sure if it was the best thing to do.  I welcome any thoughts you may have on that.

Anyway, it's kind of nice to have this space where I can come here and fess up a bit.  Where I can share with you that I don't always feel so great about everything I do.  I think it can serve as a reminder that most of us are like that.  And because of that, how there is much need for us to have gracious and forgiving hearts toward one another.  Recognizing that, as believers, we are all growing up in the household of faith.

Teaching my daughter about temptation

Meeting with Joelle once a week in the wee hours of the morning has been a tremendous blessing to me.  Going through these lessons has caused me to realize that there is so much I have yet to teach her.

In our last lesson, we learned about temptation.  Here is a day in, day out struggle that we all have.  After teaching her about this I was struck with the magnitude of responsibility I have to equip her for everyday life.

The thing that I wanted to impress upon her heart the most is how vital it is for her to know the truths of God's word.  To know the truth from a lie.  Because there are so many lies that we are tempted to believe.  When a person is being tempted, even if it is something so commonplace as getting angry with a sibling, they are being tempted to believe a lie.  The only way that we can be victorious is to know the truth and obey it.

I urged her to consider the temptations that she faces on a daily basis.  This is her battleground.  The things that happen here in our home are not "small" things.  They are a big deal to God and I want her to understand that they are temptations that she will either give in to or resist.

The Bible equips us in James 4:7 with a plan for victory...

1.  submit to God
2.  resist the devil

I love how clear this is.  To submit yourself to God is to place yourself under his authority.  To yield yourself to living life his way and not yours.  How important is it then, for us to learn the difference between his ways and ours?  The Bible makes it very clear for us.

I also taught her about resistance.  First, I asked her to hold up her hand and to allow me to push her hand with mine (non-resistance).  Then, I told her to make the effort to push against my hand and not allow me to push hers (resistance).  She really enjoyed this illustration.  And I think it shows that we cannot just passively allow ourselves to be overtaken by temptation to sin.

As we are submitting to God and the truths of his word, temptations will come.  We will feel the pressure of them.  My encouragement to Joelle was to remember the truths of God's word in those difficult moments.  That is her mode of resistance when the lies threaten to overtake her.  And not only remembering them, but acting on them.

Teaching her has challenged me to question how equipped I am to resist the enemy of my soul.  What temptations in my life do I need to put up more resistance to?  How much more do I need to remember the promises of God when I am weak and want to give in?

peanut butter and chocolate biscotti

The combination of peanut butter and chocolate has always been one of my favorite things.  This yummy biscotti was a hit with the entire family!  Enjoy!

peanut butter and chocolate biscotti

ingredients:

3 cups all-purpose flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. salt

6 Tbsp. unsalted butter, room temp

3/4 cup creamy peanut butter

1 cup sugar

2 tsp. vanilla extract

3 large eggs

1 cup mini chocolate chips

directions: 

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a medium bowl combine the flour, baking powder, and salt.  Blend with a wire whisk.

In a large bowl, combine the butter, peanut butter and sugar.  Beat on medium-high, until fluffy and smooth (1-2 minutes).  Blend in the vanilla.  Add the eggs, one at a time, scraping the bowl between each addition.

On low speed, blend in the dry ingredients just until incorporated.  Stir in the chocolate chips evenly.

Divide the dough in half.  Shape into 11x13 logs.  Place onto the parchment lined baking sheet, about 3 inches apart.

Bake for 30 minutes.  Transfer to a rack to cool for 10 minutes.

Place on a cutting board and using a serrated knife, cut 1/2 to 3/4 inch slices.

Place on baking sheet, cut side down and bake for 10-15 minutes.  Turn them over and bake 10-15 minutes more.  Cool completely and store in an air tight container.

If I could change one thing... {writing prompt}

A little less than two years ago, I had no idea what a blog was.  Seriously.  I didn't really use the internet that much.  I didn't know that people even had blogs.

I didn't consider myself a writer.  Sometimes I still have hard time saying that I am, because I know how much I need to improve.  But the beautiful (yet slightly embarrassing) thing about having a blog, is that I can look back and see some improvement.  That is encouraging to me because change can be so gradual that you don't always notice it happening.  Just knowing that I can improve if I keep doing it and learning is such a thrill to me.  I find that now, writing is almost like breathing to me.  I would be very sad if I couldn't do it.  It amazes me that something so important to me now was not a part of my life two years ago.

If I could change one thing...it would be to give other women the courage to try new things.

I am not some sort of professional at the things I do.  I am in the process of learning and I know that there are people who do it all better or maybe I should say differently than I do.  I think we have to remember that God made each of us unique and he has worked in our lives in unique ways.  We've got to stop thinking that since other people are doing a fine job we have nothing to add.  After what I've learned in the past couple of years I realize how much we limit ourselves.  Because I am certain that we possess God-given abilities that we may not even realize we have.

It has come up in conversations I've had.  Women who have always wanted to be a writer, but they doubt themselves and they don't think it is something that they can learn.  YOU CAN LEARN.  Just try it.  What will it hurt if you click on that Blogger icon and with a few clicks, open up a blog for free?  You don't even have to tell anyone about it if you don't want to.  Maybe you could keep it private for a while and just try writing...see what happens!  You may end up just as surprised as I was that there is whole lot on your heart just waiting to be expressed and maybe even shared with others.  I want to encourage you to give it a try.  What have you got to lose?


I am happily linking up here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/if-i-could-change-one-thing/

Moms seeking advice (and needing humility)

I remember sort of fumbling around as a new mother.  Before having my own baby, I was someone who felt uncomfortable with babies.  I worried that I wouldn't cradle their heads just right.  I would turn down offers to hold them because I thought that I would probably just make them cry.  I worried they would "sense" my inexperience and then I'd have to go through the awkward debate of "Hand the baby back to mom or try (in vain) to comfort them".  They seemed like such complex creatures at the time...sometimes they still do ;).

And it's funny how different we can be as parents.  Even within our own homes.  It seems that my husband (the playful one) begins to flip, toss and tickle the babies before I think they are ready for it.  At least it all takes place on a springy mattress.  And is it any wonder that from an early age they LOVE to play with daddy?  I have had to grow in my level of trust with this man!

And that's just within the context of my own family.  What about outside of it?

There certainly are differences in approach to parenting.  When it comes to preference we have to recognize that there are differences and that is ok.  We should not be competing for the "better parent" prize.  We should be supporting and encouraging each other.

If moms now are anything like I was when I first started, I think new moms feel a tremendous amount of pressure to show others that they know what they are doing.  I have been guilty of the attitude that says "I've got this and I don't need your input."  I realize that there are some things that we just need to experience on our own and learn from our mistakes...but I do have to wonder how many blunders I could have been spared had I sought advice from more experienced mothers.

And here's the thing that I am realizing even now...I don't often ask for advice.  Either I convince myself that someone else won't know the answers to my particular issue or I am too proud to let anyone see a chink in my armor.  I think I fear that if I let someone in on that one problem that I don't know how to handle, that they will perpetually see me as the mom with "that" problem.  It really is immature thinking.  I forget that what I need is to be humble.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace,

but with the humble is wisdom.  (Prov. 11:2)

The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, 

and humility comes before honor.  (Prov. 15:33)

You know, I just have to commend some of the young moms who are willing to go beyond the baby books they are reading and ask another mom questions about how to do things.  It requires admitting that they don't always know exactly how to handle everything.  Isn't that the first step to being able to glean from what someone else has already learned...maybe even the hard way, like me?  I have to wonder what unnecessary hardships I could have been spared had I been willing to seek counsel.

Even now I still see a need to improve on this in my life.  I've begun to seek advice more and have become more willing to open up about my struggles.  This has actually resulted in tremendous benefit  for me because either I realize that I need to adjust my thinking or my approach or I am encouraged to keep on keepin' on. Because really, everything I am doing as a mom is worth it, and it has precious eternal value.

Maybe there is something you are struggling with as a mom?  Go ahead and ask someone about it.  Sure, they might not have all the answers either, but that's ok.  You may really miss out if you don't at least try.  Without even realizing it, you may just be an encouragement to them too.

Busyness and the message we are sending

There is a comment that I often get, especially when I meet someone new.  In fact, if I remember correctly, I think I started hearing it sometime after we welcomed a third child into our home.

People often say "You must be BUSY!"

Ok, granted, I do have a lot going on in my life (don't we all?)  But I want to thoughtfully respond to this comment.  Because the message I do not want to send is: "I'm so busy with my life that I don't have any time for you."

We do that you know.  Without even realizing it we push people away.  We talk about how busy we are.  Who would want to pick up the phone and call us?  We talk about how crazy our life is.  Who would want to even try to get together?  We can so easily make people think that we are too busy for them.

I understand that we all have busy lives, and we can't always be involved in every activity that comes our way. We simply do not have all the time it would take to get to know everybody that we casually interact with.  But I think that if we are not careful, all of our talk about being busy can slam the door shut on the opportunity to truly encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Think about the people that God brings into your path.  Are you in the habit of always telling them how busy you are?   Could that be hindering your ministry to others?

I was a new mom once.  I wondered, “How on earth am I going to build a home with Christ as the foundation?”  And do you know what?  Sometimes those older, more seasoned moms just seemed so busy.  I would even try to get beyond my assumptions about that. But then, when I would talk to them, they would talk about how busy they were.  Do we realize that this can push people away from us?

I hope that you understand my heart.  I'm not saying that we should never mention that life is hectic and busy.  It might actually be an encouragement to someone else that you are striving to meet all of life’s challenges with God’s grace.  But I want to encourage you to consider that some people will get the message that we have no time at all for them.  If we’re to be like Christ, I don’t think we want to give that message.  May God bless our relationships as we seek to develop them with the time that he gives us.

[revised 8.22.2012]

How it all started {Homeschooling}

{Clara (5 yrs.) playing "Alphabet Hunt" and taking pictures of things that begin with different letter sounds}

It was the summer before my oldest daughter's fourth birthday.  My husband and I had recently begun attending church.  The next big step to take place in our lives would be for Amera to begin preschool.

I was so excited about her learning new things.  We were so glad that the preschool was just a couple of streets over, just a hop, skip and a jump away from our house.

I had already been teaching her things at home.  I was a regular at the library.  Back then, the library system had no limits on the number of holds you could place, nor on the number of items you could check out.  I kid you not, I would walk out of that library with egg crates FULL of check outs.  I was so excited about teaching Amera.

I read and skimmed books that were full of creative ways to teach the alphabet.  I found ideas for games to play and crafts to make.  I knew that she would be prepared to enter the classroom.

I remember my grandfather's optimism that she would certainly be way ahead of her peers with all the things she was learning.  And so, everything was arranged, Amera would begin preschool in the Fall.  I couldn't have been more excited.

At this point, I wasn't even aware that homeschooling my daughter was an option for us.  But, surprisingly enough, I would come to make the connection that "homeschooling" was what I had already been doing all along.  I was just happy to discover that I would be able to continue what I had started.

I spoke with a mom from my church who was homeschooling her children.  I had already noticed that her teenagers were different, but it was in a good way.  I understand that many people have some memory of a home school family they knew of that was weird and never let their children out of the house.  This family was not weird.  Their teens were respectful toward adults and one of the main things I noticed was that they didn't seem to have a difficult time with different age groups.  They would be seen enjoying their time with adults and small children.  They didn't have this "we are world's apart and I can't relate to you attitude".  All of this was very refreshing to me.  It wasn't long before I began asking their mom questions out of my curiosity.

After she told me that she home schooled, I checked out all the books I could find on the topic from the library.  I wanted to learn all I could about how this might work and I've been learning "hands on" every year after that.  It's a growing and learning experience for the whole family.

We're certainly not perfect and we don't have it all together all the time.

I think that no matter what school our children may attend, every family will have it's share of trials and triumphs.  In future posts I'll be sharing more of my heart on homeschooling.  Not because it's better than what you have chosen to do, but because it's what we do and it is the way God has lead our family.  

She showed me the way

Joelle "vacuuming" the kids

I was tired and a bit grumpy.

Work needed to be done and my children needed to focus on the tasks at hand.

Yet they were playful and it irritated me.

"Stop giggling...stop goofing off...let's get this job done children!"

I wasn't yelling, just firm.

Ok, granted they needed to get a little more serious about the work.

But maybe, just maybe, I needed to lighten up a bit?

Just as I was in the kitchen, praying and telling myself to remember that I am setting the tone...

Joelle set the tone for all of us.

I heard their giggles and I poked my head out of the kitchen to see them playing.

It occurred to my in that moment that I can be firm, but that doesn't mean I have to be grumpy.

There can be joy in the mundane.

And, yes, a little bit of fun too!

moving posts from one blog to another

When I made the decision to have one blog instead of two, it felt like I was abandoning all of my writing on "Growing in Grace".  There were posts that I had thought deeply on and poured my heart into.  I knew that if I left them there, they would probably never be read again.  

I decided to give them new life and to bring them here to this space.  I treasure them and I want them to be shared rather than forgotten.  So here they are!  I hope that you are encouraged to grow in the Lord right along with me.  Blessings!

Reflections on life after my sister's death

   My younger sister Hollie died very suddenly a few weeks ago.  She was twenty-nine years old.  She was suffering from a terrible migraine headache which led to a brain aneurysm.  My dad and his wife are caring for her three precious children.

  When Hollie was rushed to the hospital, she could not breathe on her own.  She was on life support.  The doctors tried everything they could to give this young mother her life back, but they could not.  Her brain was no longer functioning.  I was stunned.  My mind could not seem to comprehend it.  Waves of grief came over me as I wept for her, and I felt regret that I did not know her as well as I wanted to.  This was my little sister, I grew up with her, I loved her. 

   As I sat on the airplane on my way to Washington, I looked out the window and saw that we were flying high above the clouds.  But even though I was up so high and seemed to be bigger than all those "little" things down below, I felt incredibly small and frail.  My future days on this earth are never guaranteed.  Sometimes we need to be reminded of this.  We need to be reminded how dependent we are upon God for every breath and heartbeat.  We are not in control as we sometimes think we are.

   For some this causes feelings of panic and worry.  For others like me, it's a comfort.  To know that absolutely nothing is outside of God's control.  To trust him in every circumstance, knowing that he is good and that he is accomplishing his will and purpose in everything.  Even in the death of someone we love.  

Me and my baby sis

   When I came home from Washington, after being gone for one week, I felt gratitude like never before.  I know that my days are in God's hands and that when I die I will be with him forever (JOHN 3:16), but now my appreciation for every gift he gives me on this earth is magnified.  The busyness of life will not prevent me from loving with every fiber of my being.  Taking the time to hug, taking the time to talk, to just sit together, to laugh or to have a heart to heart.  Yes, we do these things, but I want to do them more!

  And what of my service to my great God and King?  Am I putting things off until later?  Have I gotten satisfied with where I'm at in my walk with him?  There is so much to do, so much to change, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it all.  Yet every day I strive to do better than the one before. To pray to him more, asking him to do great things.  To pray, asking him for grace to keep my attitude right throughout a challenging day.  To make the best use of my time "because the days are evil"  EPH. 5:16, endeavoring to use all the time he gives me for his glory and trusting that he will show me how to do that as a gentle father leading his child.

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!  Why should the nations say, 'Where is their God?' Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases...You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD!  He is their help and shield."  PSALM 115:1-3,11

[re-posted from the archives of my former blog // dated 4.28.2011]

A righteous role {pt. 5}

{pt.1 of this series: Christ's example for my marriage}
{pt. 2 of this series: Competing or completing?}
{pt. 3 of this series: From the inside, out}
{pt. 4 of this series: Hoping in God}

"...And you are her children (Sarah's), if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."
1 Peter 3: 6

"Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue
from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil
and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.  

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. 
 But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."  1 Peter 3: 9-12

   The Bible says that "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness"--and he was called a friend of God (James 2:23).  Abraham had some triumphs in his faith.  He also faced trials and weakness of faith.  He and Sarah were learning to trust in a sovereign God.  Just as you and I are.

   Yes, Abraham was a godly man, but let's not put him up on a spiritual pedestal and think that he always did the right thing making it easy for Sarah to follow his lead.  I'm sure it was difficult for her to follow his lead when he told her they had to pack up and move to some unknown place that God would lead them to.    Abraham was trusting God and believing the promise that God had made.  In that case, it was right for Sarah to submit.  But what about the trials that came up along the way?  Abraham did not always make the right choices.  It's not always easy to trust, especially when things look pretty bleak from your perspective and fears overwhelm you.

   Have you ever been in a situation where you feared for your life?  Maybe not quite that extreme.  What about fearing what might happen?  Even more difficult, what about fearing what might happen if you do the right thing?

   There was a famine in the land and Abraham faced a very difficult situation when they journeyed into Egypt.  He feared the Egyptians would kill  him in order to take his beautiful wife Sarah.  The possibility of this happening was very real and understandably caused great concern for Abraham.  As they were about to enter Egypt, he shared his concerns with Sarah.  He told her to lie about being his wife. He told her to just say she was his sister so that things would go well for him and his life would be spared. (See Genesis 12)

   There are some that teach that Sarah did the right thing by "being quiet" and going along with this plan to deceive.  Yes, in the end Abraham's life was spared and God intervened to rescue Sarah from Pharaoh's harem.  But does that mean that when our husbands are telling us to sin that we should just willingly submit and consider it a godly thing that we are being "quiet" and doing what he says?  The scriptures do not endorse this.

   We have no record of how Sarah responded when Abraham asked her to lie in this case.  She seems to have gone along with what he wanted to do.  My point is that this account should not be used to justify a woman keeping silent in the face of her husband's sin or plans to sin.  Sarah had the opportunity here to respectfully and lovingly direct her husband's gaze to God.  To remind him of God's promises.  To tell him that it would be wrong to lie.  To encourage him to do the right thing and let God take care of the rest.

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what 

is good?  

But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake,

you will be blessed.  

Have no fear of them, nor be troubled,

but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being

prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for the

reason for the hope that is in you;

 yet do it with gentleness and 

respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered,

those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to 

shame.  

For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should 

be God's will, than for doing evil.  1 Peter 3:13-17

   Perhaps Sarah could have spared them both the grief and embarrassment that followed as a result of this deception.  Sarah was taken into Pharaoh's harem and though Abraham was treated well, he ends up being rebuked by an ungodly king.  After God intervened and plagued Pharaoh's house because of the fact that Sarah had been taken, Pharaoh called to Abraham and says...

"What is this you have done to me?  Why did you not tell

me she was your wife?  Why did you say, 'She is my sister,'

so that I took her for my wife?  Now then, here is your 

wife; take her and go."  Genesis 12:18-19

   If wives are to be subject (submissive) to their husbands and at the same time, have conduct that is respectful, pure, and holy, then they must do what is right by God as they submit.  If wives are to hope in God and do good without fearing anything that is frightening, there are some principles of Scripture that we must keep in mind and practice.

   

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander 
be put away from you along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  Ephesians 4:31-32

...do not be partners with them (people who are sinning) for at one time you 

were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light

(for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try

to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.  Take no part in the unfruitful works 

of darkness, but instead expose them.  Ephesians 5:7-11

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual
should restore him in a spirit of gentleness.  Keep watch 
on yourself, lest you too be tempted.  Galatians 6:1

   As Christians, it should be our passion to take part in the ministry of reconciliation.  To those who don't know Christ, to lead them to him, so that they can be reconciled to God and receive the salvation he offers.  To those of us who have placed our faith in Christ alone for salvation as well, because we will sometimes falter along the way.  We are all susceptible to giving in to temptation and getting off of the right track with God.  When this is the case, we need to be restored.  God mercifully uses others in our lives to help in this process.  We have many different relationships in which this takes place and the husband/wife relationship is no exception.  

   Remember that "speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ..."   (Ephesians 5:15)  Speaking the truth in love is something that you should take time to prepare your heart for.  Make sure that you are not retaliating in anger.  Take time to examine your own heart.  

   As wives, we have to be careful that we are not being a nag.  A nag always seems to find fault with what her husband is doing.  She scolds and complains and is a source of annoyance to her husband.  

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.  Prov. 21:19

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Prov. 25:24

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.  Prov. 27:15

   Consider how you approach your husband.  Is it respectful or is it destructive?  Are you tearing him down or are you showing genuine love and concern?  Is your aim to give him a tongue lashing or to build him up in love as you speak the truth?  As I write this, I think of all the times I have failed to approach my husband in the right way.  I have seen how ineffective it is and how it seems to only make things worse.

   If you are angry with your husband, take time to pray before you speak to him.  Give it all to God.  Seriously, I have found that it is better to tell God how annoyed I am and work through my emotions with God's help, than it is to annoy my husband and complain to him.  My time in prayer with God equips me to approach my husband with a spirit of gentleness, love and respect.  It helps me to get my heart right first.  Make it a habit to take this time before you approach your husband with an issue and you might just see a difference in the way he responds to you.

   Above all, remember that it is God who works in your husband "both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13)  He is not your "project", to be finely crafted into who you want him to be.  You can point him to Christ and to the Word, but ultimately it is God who is working.  We speak the truth in love in order to encourage our husbands to grow in Christ but it is God who works in his heart.  Be very prayerful asking God to work even before you say a word to your husband about it.  Amazingly, I have been surprised to find that God often gets to my husband before I do!  Give it time, be patient, and let God work in his heart in a way that only he can.  That is the only way that brings true and lasting fruit in his life and in yours.

   Obviously, there are situations that you simply will not have time to prepare for.  They come up suddenly and sometimes without warning.  I am amazed at the power of God's Word as it is working.  As I study the Scriptures, my mind is renewed.  I begin to see things from God's perspective, instead of my own limited one.  The time that I spend thinking about what his Word says...changes me.  I will never forget these lessons from 1 Peter 3.  I know the road ahead of me will not be easy, but I also know God's heart for me as a wife.  I will have many opportunities to apply what I have learned here.

   Will I obey God and follow his plan for me as a wife who submits to my husband?  Or will I be bent on getting my own way even if I have to fight for it?  I think it's clear which choice would honor God most.  

[re-posted from the archives of my former blog // dated 9.26.2011]