Remembering my grandma

I'm up late sewing curtains for my bedroom.  I cut up a $3 king-sized sheet.  This is great, I am in my element.  I love finding things at the thrift store and giving them a new and useful purpose.  I love saving money on curtains.  I love that no one else will have the exact same curtains as I do.  Totally thrills me.

That is my grandma's sewing machine up there in that photo.  She wrote all the notes on those little labels.  I think of her every time I use it and remember how much she loved to sew.  I feel as though I didn't have enough time with her.  When she passed away, I was newly married with one child....wow, so much has happened since then.  I often wonder what it would be like to spend time with her now and to hear her hearty laughter.  I used to love it when she thought something was really funny and she would laugh so hard...I can still hear the wonderful sound.  

And that is my most profound memory of her.  Her laughter.  

I always felt so special when she would tell me about when I was little.  She would tell of how I knew all the nursery rhymes and how I fooled people in to thinking I could read because I had memorized the story.  A little deceptive of me, I know. ;)

Many times, she would remind me of the time we walked outside and when I saw the sunset I exclaimed "Beautiful!"  I know I was little, maybe about three (?)...anyway she thought it was the most wonderful thing. And I would smile every time she told me about it.  She would also tell of how my grandpa had taught me my colors with M&M's.  And I'm sure there were more things...if only I could remember.  Maybe mom does. ;)

It all makes me think of how short life is.  Sitting there at my grandmother's machine, the same machine that she sat at not very long ago.  She sewed things stitch by stitch, making special things for the people she loved and probably could not conceive of the day that she would not be with us and the truth is neither could we.  I am reminded to cherish the time that I have with my loved ones.  The memories that we make are precious indeed.  I sure miss my grandma.

In loving memory of my grandmother, Johnny Mae (1933-1999)

{  By the way, my mom later told me that I was two when that sunset inspired me to say "Beautiful!"  Man, that must have been so cute!  :)  }

Bring him your anxiety

I was up early this morning, seeking God in prayer.  Many things sought to draw my attention away from him.  I would not let them.  This early in the morning it is not children who interrupt communion but it is other things...like sleepiness...like the children's paintings that dried overnight on the dining room table and need to be put away...like the full laundry basket over in the living room...I face a day full of keeping all of the plates spinning.  Some of them I have to spin, some of them I want to spin.

There is much that I am trying to accomplish before we begin school again.  I am already beginning to feel the anxiety of a rigid schedule.  I so enjoy the low-key aspects of a break.  Time to create has been a gift to me.  But soon I will be busy at work on a new schedule that requires making the most of every minute we are given in a day.  It will be posted and I will have a pep talk with my children.  The life that we have lived for the past two weeks is about to change.  I want to make this change with prayer because I dread reluctance.  I don't like to think about facing any resistance from my crew, but I will follow the Lord as I lead them.  The tasks we must accomplish are given to us by him.  Help us Lord to honor you!

My studies in the book of Mark continue.  So many accounts of the mighty works that Jesus did.  I read of crowds of people who came to him.  I read how he healed them and rid their bodies of diseases, demons and even death.  This is the God I serve.  I do not have problems that are beyond his ability to help.  I do not have circumstances that are too difficult for my God.  He can help me with any and every single challenge I face...with every problem, every sin that corrupts, every anxiety that discourages...

I am running to him this morning.  I am giving all of my anxiety...all of my concerns...to him.  He knows about them all of course.  But I am turning to him for strength and courage to dive into the day and the coming week with enthusiasm.  His Spirit dwells within me and I need not fear.

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{I know I need to pull this back out and iron it, but I just had to see what it looked like in that frame!}

The pictures contain some things I created last night.  At first, I thought I would sew the fabric on.  I also thought I would have Amera paint the tree for the birds.  Then it dawned on me....GLUE GUN!  I'm so glad I thought of that because it was so much faster and easier to do it that way!

I told my husband that all I wanted for Christmas was to redo our bedroom.  Our bedroom doubles as an office.  The walls are lined with bookshelves and our dresser is home to our printer.  It is also a rather small space.  I have been organizing and creating pretty things.  I covered a boot-sized shoe box with some leftover fabric from the boys cloaks and it now stores all of the stuff I had in a few smaller containers.    I found a few sheets for about $3 each at a thrift store.  They are very nice and look like they were hardly used.  I wanted white in my room to brighten it up, so I have a king-sized white sheet for the curtains and cream and beige sheets for the duvet cover.  I also love brown linen so I found some of that at Walmart and plan to sew a strip of it on the inner edges of my curtain panels.  It's all coming together nicely and I'm having so much fun!  Time to start the day!

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...and later that day, I finished them and hung them on the wall...

Fun on Christmas break

It's still dark outside and I can hear the comforting sounds of rain.  I am taking a bit of a risk as I begin to write.  Isabel has already woken up twice this morning and then gone back to sleep...will she interrupt my happy typing with her cries?

I have been enjoying Christmas break immensely.  The "extra" time to get more accomplished and to finally make some things that I've wanted to make for a long time.

Like this...

[ Skip this part if the details about my pacy clip bore you ;) ]

I crocheted this pacy clip using the "MAM" attachment from the store-bought clip.  I love these pacy's but I do not like the clips that are sold for them.  The neat thing about this pacy is that you never have to be concerned that it is upside down unless you are particular about the picture on it.  I love the designs they have too.  

I found the metal clips on Amazon.  I like this clip much better than the "MAM" one.  It stays in place and it's not so bulky.  So anyway, I'm pretty happy with my end result here and look forward to experimenting with other designs.

And these...

{the only thing I might change would be the seam on the hood...hmmmm...how to do that on the next one?}

I found the fabric for these at the thrift store for a few dollars.  Amera searched online for a tutorial on how to make a child's cloak and we were on our way.  She cut the fabric out and I did the sewing.  You should have seen Manny the first time I put it on him.  He was so excited  and happily ran around the house in it.  His brother, Javi, was out with his Dad and sisters when I made them.  So it was very exciting to surprise him with the finished product when he got home.  I love how the cloaks came out!!  The boys look so cute together don't they?

My next plan is to use a king sized sheet to make a cape for Brienne and Clara.  The sheet is plum purple and I also found it at the thrift store.

I still haven't found the top sheet for the duvet cover I am planning to make.  I am looking for something in a light color with a pattern...the search continues.  Target maybe?

It's been so fun to create!

It has also been fun to wrap gifts and anticipate giving them...I love how the kids are all excited to give their gifts to each other.  What a blessing!  I enjoyed wrapping these things I found for Joelle.  It was fun to write little clues in an attempt to intrigue her even more as to what they contain.

I look forward to waking up in the morning and gathering in the living room in our PJ's to open gifts while a french toast casserole bakes in the oven.  I wrapped a little booklet with a tag that says "The greatest gift of all, Ephesians 2:8-9".  The little booklet is similar to a wordless book but it has a verse on each card to share the gospel with the kids.  Javier and I are looking forward to the opportunity to emphasize how God's gift of eternal life through his Son Jesus Christ is the most precious gift we could ever receive.

This Christmas break has included so many fun memories of being together.  Shopping for something special, creating things together (our latest kick: earrings), watching movies at night and not worrying about getting to bed because we know we can sleep in, snuggling on the couch, and laughing at all the funny things the kids do!  I love my kids!  And soon I will finally do a little holiday baking.  In fact, I think today is a good day to pull out the cookie cutters and bake some sugar cookies!

Merry Christmas to all!  

Whether it's Christmas or not

I admit, I seem to have a difficult time with establishing some traditions.  At least, those traditions that seem so special and ideal to me.  I want my kids to look back and say that what mom and dad did with them year after year...well, it was wonderful!  Or, I want the repetitiveness of an activity to become so familiar to them that it will really stand out in their minds and they will never forget it and it will be meaningful to them.

So why am I having a difficult time with all of this?  First, I don't always enjoy repetition and sometimes I get bored of doing the same thing, in the same way.  It can feel a bit oppressive to me.  I am thinking specifically now of the Christmas season...we rarely do the same thing twice.

For some reason, I have ideals in my mind.  For example, I want there to be something special that I always bake every year so that it will be more memorable.  You know, "Mom always baked _____ for Christmas."  But I have a hard time deciding what one thing would be the best choice.  I like many things...and honestly this year I haven't been doing much baking at all.  That is my life right now.

Last year, we wanted to establish some traditions with our Christmas tree and what we did was fine, but this year using our ornaments as symbolic teaching tools just didn't get us excited.  We didn't do it.  We did try to teach them as they decorated the tree...and just casually talk about the gospel, but I realized that I am trying too hard to mix one activity with another.  It's okay to just decorate a tree.  It's fun!  And the gospel is beautiful and precious but the kids just want to talk and be goofy and oooh and aaaah over ornaments.  Why am I so concerned about forcing everything to be more spiritual at this time of year?  We can talk about the gospel any time and as often as possible!

I do want God to be loved and honored in the things that we do...but that is my focus all year round.  Why was I getting so concerned about Christmas?  Yes, it's special, but Christ's birth is special to me EVERY DAY.  If Christmas day were suddenly done away with I would not forget his miraculous birth.  His birth is the reason for everything, not just the season.  So anyway, these are just some of things I've been thinking about. 

This year my children are doing a gift exchange with each other.  We wrote their names on stickies, stuck them to a door and each child picked a name (except Isabel, Mommy would get her gift).  Taking them shopping has had it's fun moments and it's difficult moments.  It's interesting how we avoid gift giving because we don't want our children to be greedy for stuff, but this is an issue that we are going to have to deal with at one time or another.  I have seen the sin that shows up when I take a child shopping and they're supposed to be thinking of the person they are shopping for but all they can seem to do is think of themselves. This was my experience about a week ago when I took my first round of kids to go shopping.  One of my children was seeing many things they really wanted and they responded inappropriately to that.  It was written all over my child's face.  The pout, the furrowed brow, as the hard reality sunk in..."Remember, we are looking for a gift for your sister today, not for you...."  

I hated to see it.  It was ugly...the selfishness!  Sin showed up in Toys R Us.  And we talked about it right there in the aisle.  I rebuked, I warned, I pointed out the right way...and part of me wondered at all this shopping for gifts...but the more I think about it, I am glad that sin came to the surface so that we could deal with it.  My children are going to struggle with having the right focus about things...I will too.  But this is a year long struggle.  What we instill in them is not just at this time of year, it's every day of their lives.

And little Manny?  I took him shopping with his two oldest sisters.  He makes us laugh with the cute little things he says.  Toward the end of our shopping trip, he sat in the back of the cart.  When he saw a toy that interested him, I would hand it to him so that he could check it out while we looked at other things.  Sometimes, after playing with a toy for a few minutes, it can be a little hard to let go.  So I taught him to say "Bye" to it.  He was playing with this cute little green dragon stuffed animal (sorry that was a mouthful), and it just about melted my heart when he said something like "He's going to stay on my bed" and he was getting all dreamy and cuddly with it.  I confess, I wanted to get it for him right then and there but we had already done our shopping for him...so anyway, his little voice was so sweet as he wistfully said "Bye dragon..."  

Hold these things loosely son, learn it early.

So as far as traditions go, we are in this process of learning what we like to do and what we don't like to do.  And most of all I am learning that our traditions are going to have to reflect who we are, not who (for one reason or another) we think we ought to be.  In all my effort to establish new traditions, I have to be careful that I don't lose sight of the things that we as a family really do enjoy.  I choose not to do things that are overly stressful to me.  I choose to keep my focus on God and his goodness to me.  That is what I have been trying to do all along whether it's Christmas or not.   

When sin makes you weep

In this quiet room this morning I am weeping for the families who are burying their precious children in Connecticut.  I close my eyes and think of those children who were with their families, like my children are with me.  And then I think of the horrific evil that changed everything in a moment.  It is so painfully ugly.  I can barely stand to think of it.  And I wonder at God's ability to endure sin for a single moment.  In it's ugliest, most detestable forms it shakes us and pierces our hearts.  Yet, we have to remember that even the things that we take lightly in our own lives are ugly and vile to Him.

To think that choosing to disobey God in the garden would lead to all of this!  And we wish that our all-powerful God would just put a stop to sin, don't we?  Our heart may cry out "Why didn't you stop this from happening God?"  We wonder how he could let it go on.  But it is then that we have to consider what we let go on...in our own hearts.  Sin is not just in the world, it is in our hearts.  We should weep over our own sin.  The problem is that we have some sin that we don't consider ugly.  We don't see how horrific it is.  We don't see it's effects.  We don't see how it grieves God.  It doesn't matter how good we look on the outside, God knows the inside and he knows when we are like "whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness." (Matt. 23:27)

Do we expect that God should powerfully subdue us every time we are about to sin with our mind, our mouth, our eyes, our hands?  We would be unable to live a single day.  And this terrible thing called sin, we desperately want to be rid of it.  We see its effects, we see its consequences.  We grieve at what we know that we are all capable of.  It frightens us...at least...it should.  In his mercy, he calls us.  Through long suffering he waits...

And what is left to do, but to turn to him?  This Holy One.  The One "who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see..." (1Timothy 6:16)  The One who loves with an everlasting love that is so deep we cannot even comprehend it.  The One who calls us to turn from our wicked ways and turn to Him and find rest for our souls.  Our souls will not reside in these sinful bodies forever if we turn our hearts to him and receive the only One who has the remedy for our illness.  The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ has power to save!  And those that have trusted in his sacrifice know that they will be with him forever and one day sin will be no more.

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! (Revelation 22:20b)

They said what??!!

A verse in the Bible surprised me this week.  I actually had to read it over a few times to make sure it was really there.  I know I probably shouldn't be surprised but it says in Mark 3:21 that Jesus' family went out to seize him for they were saying, 

"He is out of his mind."  

Were they embarrassed?  Ashamed?  They were obviously questioning his sanity.  And what was he doing at the time when they felt the need to go and get him out of the situation he was in?  Verse 20 says "Then he went home, and the crowd gathered again, so that they could not even eat."  His family had heard this and went out to seize him.  They went out to seize Jesus!  Maybe they would've said "You're coming with us, this is nonsense!"  But they would not have the opportunity.  They could not get to him because of the crowd who had heard about all that he was doing and now gathered around him to see it for themselves.  

But that wasn't the only opposition he faced.  Many religious leaders were not at all supportive of his ministry, in fact, they tried to destroy it and discredit it.  They accused him of freeing people from demonic oppression by the power of Satan himself.  Think about anything you have ever done to serve God for his glory and imagine being accused of this.  He was pouring himself out to people, expending his energy with love and compassion, healing them physically and spiritually and he gets accused of being in league with the devil.  Isn't Jesus such an amazing example to us of not getting discouraged in the work of the ministry?

Which leads me to another thought.  As I think about his family, particularly his brothers, I think of them growing up at home with Jesus.  They saw his testimony in action day in and day out.  They saw that he never sinned like they did.  Their mother probably told them about his miraculous birth.  Yet it says in John 7:5 that not even his brothers believed in him.  Well, there you have it.  Obviously growing up in Christian home does not automatically make you a Christian.  And not only had they grown up with him, but they were already seeing his miraculous works at this point.  Yet they did not believe.  

So when they came (as it says in Mark 3:31) and they sent to him and called him, he knew what they were seeking to do.  And he proceeds to tell the crowd that those who are closest to him...those who are a part of his eternal family...are those who do the will of God.

Please, if you are reading this and you are resting on your religious laurels and becoming complacent or if you think that you have a right standing with God because of your religious upbringing, do not be deceived.  God is not impressed with your past.  He cares about your present and your future too.  Do you truly know his Son Jesus?  Do you desire to do his will?

And his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside they sent to him and called him.

And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you."  And he answered them, "Who are my mother and my brothers?"

And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers!  For whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother."  Mark 3:31-34

Celebrating and grieving, all in one day

(Note to self: do not buy triple chocolate frosting with chocolate chips again, it does not spread well and your cake may fall apart.  Additional note to self: buy two cans of frosting so that you have enough for the sides of the cake!...why haven't I learned that by now?   Oh well, we enjoyed it anyway!)...

...especially Isabel.

I want to remember this day.  This little girl, turning one, full of cake and smiles.  Me, feeling so blessed to be her mommy.  I think of all the days I have had the joy of delighting in her beautiful smile and all the times lately that she has been copying everything I do.  My laugh, my expressions, my movements...even running my fingers through my hair...she sees me do it and she does it too.  My precious girl, I have so many dreams for her future.

Later in the day, we heard of the tragic news from Newtown, Connecticut...so many children murdered in such a senseless act of violence.  So many families grieving their loss...it's unbearable to think of the grief they bear.  Our family gathered together to pray and we were so very sobered.  Sobered by the awfulness of sin and it's effects.  We had just been lightheartedly celebrating the birth of our daughter as people were suffering from this unthinkable atrocity.  Our laughter had turned to tears when we heard the news.  

In addition to the burden we feel for the families and their tremendous loss, we grieve our own sin.  The times when we have been frustrated, angry and unkind.  It plagues us all.  We probably all think we would NEVER, EVER go that far into selfishness, sin and evil...but how far have we gone from the purity and holiness of God?  Jesus is the only answer, the only one who can redeem us...we need him.  We need more of him in our lives.  We need more of an awareness of how short our time is on this earth and how much more glory we can bring to our God.

Am I wasting time?  Am I distracted?  Is God's kingdom my focus?  Am I dealing with the sin in my life?  I mean REALLY dealing with sin in my life?  Am I exhausting myself more with teaching my children the Word of God or with keeping my house clean?

So many questions now as the stark reality of the unexpected stares me in the face and I seek to be more certain that I am living out my faith to the fullest...

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Return, O LORD!  How long?

Have pity on your servants!

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, 

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

and for as many days as we have seen evil.

Let your work be shown to your servants, 

and your glorious power to their children.

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, 

and establish the work of our hands upon us;

yes, establish the work of our hands!

Psalm 90:12-17

When I see you smile {writing prompt}

 {Isabel with an empty chicken nugget box}

{Isabel with her socks}

{Isabel with a paper bag}

{Isabel wishing she could get her hands on the food and drinks!}

Dear Isabel, 

Remember the day when our family went out to get our Christmas tree?  We had lunch together at Chick-fil-A and you ate bits of french fries from the pocket in your bib.  You sat across from your big sister Amera who played with you and made you laugh.  You had pulled off both of your socks (sometimes I wonder why I bother putting anything on your feet!) and you waved them around in the air and chewed on them as you made happy baby noises.  Oh, Isabel I love being with you!  

After I had taken a bunch of pictures with my little point and shoot camera, I felt blessed to have captured so many of the sweet expressions of my happy little girl.  So, so very blessed.  Your smile is wonderful to me.

With all my love,

Mom

I'm a bit late for this one...but still linking up for the writing prompt here!: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/when-i-see-you-smile/

A gift for the naughty ones

So here we are in December and I am sure that when you are out and about, maybe doing a little shopping, that you are hearing some typical things.  The Christmas music is playing just about everywhere you go.  Jingle Bells and Silver Bells and everything in between.  It's all so festive and wonderful!  I love this time of year!

In addition to hearing happy Christmas songs, I'm guessing you are probably hearing much about a certain giver of gifts.  Though he doesn't really exist and he doesn't really give any gifts at all, much time and effort are spent to tell children all about him.  On the surface it seems to be wonderful and magical but really it is a cheap substitute for the awe and wonder of what is true, real and eternal.

I was saddened by something I saw while shopping in a store recently.  There was a fussy child at the front of the store.  A store clerk decided to take it upon herself to "help" and with animated expression says to the child "You had better be good because Santa is comin'!  And if you're not good he won't bring you any presents!  So you're gonna be good, RIGHT?"  This was not just a funny comment to make the parents chuckle...this was spoken with what looked like sincerity.  The intent was for the child to wholeheartedly believe what was being said.    I just have to ask, when did it become a good thing to tell children something that we know isn't true and to keep telling them for as long as they are young enough to fall for it?  What happens when they learn the truth?  Shouldn't parents be concerned that their credibility will be greatly diminished in the minds of their children?

Less than an hour after the above incident, I saw a similar situation in the grocery store.  A store clerk was trying to motivate a child to be good so that they would get presents when Santa comes...what a faulty motive!  People (including children) should do what is right because of what God has said, not because they want something out of it.

I don't mind thinking of Santa as a fictional character and appreciating that there was once a man who had a very giving heart, but some have just taken this Santa thing way too far.  How sad.

Christmas is such a fun and wonderful time of year.  It should be a special season filled with all the wonder of the amazing gifts that God has given and continues to give...especially his Son.  He came because we couldn't be good enough to cover up our sin.  He offered the greatest gift of all.  Eternal life...  To all the naughty sinners who would receive him.  Now that is something to pass on to our children from generation to generation!

Blessings and blueberry pancakes

My husband and I had a late night date last night.  After a little trip to Target we set out for Sonic with visions of milkshakes and corn dogs dancing in our heads.  We pulled in at 10:02 pm only to hear that they had just closed!  Thankfully, we have an IHOP.  New vision dancing in my head: Blueberry pancakes!

As soon as we walked in we were happy to see a couple we haven't seen in a long while.  They also have a teenage daughter and were also on a date.  We chatted for a while and caught up a bit and then we were seated at the table behind them.

Toward the end of our time there and just after they had left, our waitress came over to our table to tell us that our friends had paid our bill.  Wow!  What a blessing!  We just had to thank God because he is so good to show his love through his people.

He did the same thing on our way out to California.  A sweet young couple generously gave us $160 for our trip to California and a dear lady in California gave us $100 for our trip home.  When people give like that, the blessing is so much more than monetary.  It's the blessing of love.  The love of someone who genuinely cares and the love of the One who cares more deeply than anyone...our amazing God who had planned from the get-go to bless me with a free plate of blueberry pancakes.  It was a huge plate, by the way.  I think I'll enjoy those leftovers this morning...  ;)

There are my plans and then there are His.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, 

but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.

Proverbs 19:21

Sometimes we just don't understand what God is doing.  We just don't.  It's so hard for us.  We certainly try our best to figure it out and to understand why he does what he does, but it is not always for us to know the answers or the reasons why.  Most of the time it is a matter of trust.  

Just trust.

To understand that he is God and we are not.  That he sees far more than we can see. 

We are so limited, yet how often we think that we know better than he does.

"Why God?"

"I could have done so much for you." 

"There is a need, I can meet it, why not Lord?"

"I could have glorified your name if you would just let me."

Yet I know that what he requires of me is to "walk humbly" with him (Micah 6:8).  That glorifies him.  

How can I think that I know better than he does?  

He is the Good Shepherd who gave his life for the sheep. He will care for his sheep.  

His purpose will stand.  

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I read the the Bible account of Joseph's life in Genesis last night.  I love it so much.  I love seeing how God worked in his life.  And how submissive and faithful to God he was.  It makes me cry, it really does.  Especially when Joseph starts weeping, my goodness, it's all over for me then!  It's so encouraging to me to see God's sovereignty over every situation in his life.  And Joseph went through some pretty tough things.  Yet, God was working it all together for good!  I imagined Joseph, imprisoned unjustly and forgotten there for two years, and serving God faithfully!  My goodness!  I know I would have a hard time in that situation!  Talk about trust.  I want to trust like that.  I choose to trust like that.

God is on his throne and his purpose will stand.