On my own terms {writing prompt}

It may happen to you at one time or another.  A person will seem to be avoiding you.  When you look their way, they look in the other direction.  When you walk toward them they quickly turn and go the other way.  Are you just imagining things?  You will wonder if you have offended them somehow.  You will begin to consider what you might have done that annoyed them.  You begin to imagine that you know what they are probably thinking.  But the truth is you are telling yourself stories.  You really do not know for certain what they are thinking.  You try to talk yourself out of feeling the way they are making you feel.  You come to the conclusion that you haven't done anything wrong so she must be the one with the issue.  The walls of defense gradually begin to erect themselves.  You think "Fine, if she wants to avoid me, I'll just avoid her."  Yes, it sounds so immature but that is your initial thought.  You think it's safer to keep your distance.  It's the easiest way to avoid those feelings of rejection.  

But then, something happens.  The Holy Spirit begins to soften your heart.  You realize that though that response would be easier and most comfortable, it is not the response that God wants.  You agree that it's petty, immature, unloving, and cowardly.  You whisper a prayer for strength and courage to do what goes against your natural instincts.  You conclude that you will pursue her.  Not in an annoying, you can't ever get away from me sort of way...but in an effort to extend yourself...to reach out to her...to love.  You decide that you will make the effort that she does not seem to want to make and you will see how she responds.  You do not plan to force yourself on her, you just plan to say "Hello, how are you?"  What's the worst thing that could happen, right?  You remind yourself that Christ himself was rejected by men.  He was perfect in love and in character and he always said and did the right thing...yet people rejected him.  He loved and people refused to accept his love.  He did great things for people and some were so careless they didn't take the time to thank him.  People will sin.  Every one of us. 

I have learned (and continue to learn) that loving my neighbor as myself means not giving them the treatment that they give me.  That often means that I will have to refuse to give in to my feelings and the way I naturally want to react to things.  I have to choose to obey God in those moments.  He has to be the one that I love most.  I have to know that the worst thing I can do is respond is the same manner as the other person...avoid, withdraw emotionally, act like nothing is wrong...these kinds of responses weaken our relationships.  It takes courage and hope in God to rise above that and to respond in his way.  Love others, even when it seems like they aren't loving you back...and see God working as relationships are being built and strengthened rather than being destroyed.

Jesus said...

"As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.  If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."    

Luke 6:31-36

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/on-her-own-terms/

On trying to be a discerning reader

Sometimes my motivation to read a book is just to see what all the fuss is about.  I choose to read it because people have been talking about it and how much it has changed their lives and I want to read it for myself.  There are some books that, I admit, I approach with a certain level of skepticism.  And sometimes my suspicions are confirmed and I conclude that it will not be a book that I can recommend to others.

I think each of us are drawn to certain authors and we have our personal preferences for a variety of reasons.  A person may find one book to be nothing but fluff, another may find it to be just the encouragement they needed.  Another book may seem too deep to navigate through for one person yet just the challenge that another person was longing for.  We all have our opinions.

I look back on some of the things I used to read and I find that I can see clearer now.  Books that I recommended in the past, I may not be so quick to recommend now.  More careful thought and input from others can help us to see when an author is off-base or taking Bible verses out of context to make their point.  Though we try to be discerning readers, we do not always catch things right away.  As a young Christian I read some things that I later discovered were heretical!  That was disheartening.  But it taught me that I really do have to be careful.  It is possible for an author to lead us down a path that God would not want us to go.

So as we read, we should be in prayer, in God's Word (our source of all truth), and while talking with someone about what we are reading.  Bounce those words you are reading off of someone else and ask them what they think of it.  Don't get offended when they don't think the author you are reading is as great as you think they are.  Another helpful thing is to read reviews.  Others may help you to see things that you didn't catch on your own.  It happens to all of us at one time or another.

All this to say that I will be reading different things, I will sometimes read something from an author that is a little out of my comfort zone.  I may not wholeheartedly agree with them but I will seek to evaluate their words objectively and to glean what I can and reject whatever does not align with the Word of God.

There, I guess that is my little disclaimer. ;)

Little glimmers that encourage

Manny and Javi share a room together.  They are learning (slow process) to take care of their things.  It's an everyday workshop...simply learning to put things away where they belong.  Even the smallest people can learn that they have two hands that God gave them, two hands that can work and be productive.  

Just accomplish a few things.  Be faithful in the small.  Manny struggled, he evaded, he got distracted.  Big brother would come to me with the report.  His little subject would not do the job and it was time to call in for reinforcements.

I have wanted my children to learn to joyfully do their work.  To see the important part that they play in the smooth running and functionality of our home.  To understand that we can honor God in even the smallest of tasks.  Nothing is insignificant.  But when they neglect and show slackness in their work it affects the whole family.

But then little changes begin to take place and we are offered a glimmer of hope.

We moms, we notice the small things, don't we?  

I noticed how happy Manny was when he was able to fold a hand towel yesterday.  

"Look mom!, I did it!"  

"Good job, Manny!"

I noticed him happily humming a tune when he put the blocks away.

I noticed his smile when he helped me by running and getting a diaper for Isabel.

Little things that will lead to bigger things in his life...

And this one?  She won't deny that she struggles in many ways.  She is human, she is learning every day.  But lately it's as if a spark has been ignited.  She is eager to help, eager to show her love by serving her family.  She notices injustice and seeks to right it, she see a need and seeks to meet it.  Lately, it's as if I see her maturing before my very eyes.  She has many people to deal with, interact with and learn to love even within the context of her own family.  And it is stretching and trying at times.  Her trials are developing her patience and I see it.  It causes me to rejoice.  It motivates me to pray even more.  To pray for God to work, for God to move them in ways that only he can.  

As I mother these beautiful children, my greatest cause for rejoicing is seeing God at work through their struggles and seeing him develop their character (and mine as well)  through the hard and difficult things.  It's his way, and even though it's hard I am thankful for it.

Being homesick {writing prompt}

When your dad is in the Air Force, staying in one place for very long is never a guarantee.  I was born in California.  In fact, I was born in Paradise.  That has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?

Well, it wasn't long before moving became something familiar to me.  Anticipating the new place we would live and settle into was a thrilling experience.  I have lived in a few different places in California.  But in between living there and then moving back again when I was eleven, my dad was stationed in Hawaii.

Many of my childhood memories are there:

~Frequent trips to the beach
~Sand in between my toes
~Lying in the wet, glorious sand as the tide rushed in and out
~Boogie boarding on the waves
~My dad trying his best to surf
~The taste of salt water on my lips
~The day I spent far too long out in the sun and could barely move because my sunburn was so bad.
~Snorkeling in the clear blue water of the Bay
~Laughing and playing with my sisters for hours.  It seemed like we were never in a hurry when we were at the beach.
~Building sand castles
~Delighting to see crabs pop their heads out of the sand to say hello...funny little things.
~The time we went to a "Luau" and saw what it was like to roast a pig in the ground.  We were still laughing and playing on the beach even after dark.
~When we weren't at the beach, we were playing in the pool in our back yard.  It was one of those pools with a hard plastic rim all around and a blue bottom.  Or my sisters and I would play in a sprinkler...or on the slip 'n' slide.  I was just telling a couple of my kids the other day how one time, we got creative and used a tarp and dish soap for a makeshift "Slip 'n' Slide".  We were water lovers for sure.  As far as I can remember, I spent most of my time in the water.  Sometimes, I would play for so long that my fingers would resemble prunes. :)
~My mom trying new things in the kitchen.  Like egg rolls...those were yummy!
~My mom and dad in a moment of bravery (or was it craziness?) attempting to skateboard (My dad has the Beta video to prove it)!
~Enjoying having my own room in the "Lanai" which was sort of like a screened in porch only with windows and shades.  I had a big bed out there and felt like a princess for a little while.  Having my own room was nice but I also enjoyed sharing a room with my sister.  I remember the excitement of decorating it together and making it our special place.  We had bunk beds that could come apart and be single beds if we wanted. We always enjoyed changing things around.  I'm still like that.  It's a happy feeling when the furniture is rearranged and everything seems fresh and new.  I'd move things around more now if I could.  But options are a little more limited these days. :)

As I said, when I was about eleven my family returned to California.  Suddenly there were billboards (Hawaii has none, good thing too) and milk and bread were cheaper.  I don't know why I remember that but I do.

There would still be some moving around for me.  I would attend three different high schools.  The last one was in North Dakota of all places.  And I just have to wonder what it feels like to be in one place for a long time.  What does it feel like to stay put and dig in your roots?

Come to think of it, I have actually lived in South Carolina for almost seven years.  But the thing is, we did not come here with the intent of staying long-term.  We came here to prepare for full-time ministry.  We have always wondered where God might send us.  And there have been many instances throughout this time period that we have simply come to the conclusion that HERE is where God wanted us to be.  And so we decided to "bloom where we were planted" knowing that it was beyond our control anyway.  God makes no mistakes.  He knows what he is doing.

Yet even though we have "bloomed" and we have made it our aim to serve God in the here and now, there is a longing to do what God has called us to do.  There is a desire to be in the place where all the preparation becomes practice.  There is a desire to dig in some roots and stay put for a while.

My family will soon be flying out to California again to candidate at a church.  And no matter what is decided, I am confident that God's plan for his people will continue to unfold as it has since the beginning of time.  We are ecstatic as we anticipate meeting our brothers and sisters in Christ all the way across the country.  We are excited about what God is doing.

Ultimately only God knows all the details.  The Christian knows that time on this earth is temporary.  That is the thread that should run through everything I do, no matter where I go.  I am here to serve God and in the big picture, I will not be here for long.

There is a place more wonderful than any place I have ever lived.  In fact, Jesus called it Paradise (Luke 23:43).  I have not been there yet and I don't know exactly what it looks like.  But the thing that makes it so wonderful is that God is there.  And I know that when I am there, I will truly be home to stay.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/being-homesick/

Mini Chocolate Chip Scones

I made these scones for the first time yesterday and I believe we have found a new favorite.  I love scones!  I appreciate their texture.  They are a cross between a biscuit and a cake and they are wonderfully light and fluffy.  These little things are delicious!  And they go very well with a cup of coffee.  

Give this recipe a go.  I think you'll find that they are rather easy to make and sure to please the crowd! ;)

Mini Chocolate Chip Scones

makes 32 scones

Ingredients:

2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/3 cup granulated sugar

1 Tbsp. baking powder

3/4 tsp. salt

8 Tbsp. (1 stick) unsalted cold butter, cut into pieces

1 1/2 cups mini chocolate chips

2 large eggs

2 tsp. vanilla

1/2 cup half and half

Directions:

Cover a large baking sheet with parchment paper, set aside

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt.  Using a pastry cutter or two butter knives, cut the butter into the flour mixture until the texture resembles coarse meal ( I rotated between criss-cross slicing through with my knives and using my hands to break up the butter and work it into the flour.)  Add the chocolate chips and stir to evenly distribute.

In a medium bowl, add eggs, vanilla and the half and half and whisk until combined.  Add the dry ingredients to the egg mixture and mix until just moistened and the dough holds together.  

Place your dough onto a floured surface.  Pat out the dough until it is roughly an 8x8 (a square, feel free to use a ruler to get it right) and about 3/4" thick.  Cut the dough into 2 inch squares.  Here is what it should look like at this point:

Now you are going to cut each of these squares in half diagonally to make little triangles.  They may seem small but trust me, they will bake to be the perfect size.  Using a flat spatula or your butter knife, move the triangles to the prepared baking sheet.  I like to mold them a little with my fingers just to make sure there are no little pieces of dough sticking out that might burn in the oven.  I fit all 32 scones on one baking sheet.  Like this: 

The next step is to put your baking sheet full of scones into the refrigerator or freezer.  I used my freezer.  Leave them in the fridge to chill for 45 minutes or the freezer for 30 minutes.  Set your timer to go off a little earlier than that so you can preheat your oven to 425 degrees.

When the time is up, remove them from chilling and place them in the oven.  Bake them until they are golden brown, approximately 15-20 minutes.  Remove from the oven and cool completely on a cooling rack.

Enjoy!

Jesus made time for children and so did they

Jesus had time for children.  Has that ever just made you cry?  Ok, I confess, when I sat down Monday morning to start this week's Bible Study lesson I was probably still a little tenderhearted.  I'll tell you why...

Sunday evening my husband and oldest daughter had to be at church early for choir practice.  Sometimes we drive separately for various reasons but it is our preference to drive together and save the gas.  So anyway, once we got to church Jav and Amera went right in and we waited in the van for a while.  Manny was sleeping and of course I wanted him to get as much sleep as possible.  But it wasn't long before the kids were asking when we were going to go inside the building so I set a time when we would go.  It would still be early.  Plenty of time to pick our seats and wait for the nursery workers to arrive so that I could get Manny and Isabel settled.

Maybe you have noticed that sometimes it is difficult to get children (especially in the toddler stage) moving after they have fallen asleep for a nap?  It seems to be doubly difficult if this nap takes place in a car seat.  Would you agree?  So let's just say Manny was struggling.  Once we got going and headed inside to put our Bibles on our seats, it was time for me to head over to the nursery with Manny and Isabel.

As we turned the corner, a sweet young couple was walking in the door and toward us.  We greeted each other and then they turned their attention toward Manny.  Still groggy from his nap and feeling any myriad of emotions he may have been feeling, he decides to move his body behind my leg in an effort to hide.  He and I have spoken about this before.  He does it every once in a while, depending on his current mood.  Honestly, sometimes he surprises me because he hasn't done it in so long.  Anyway, he knows it's not right and I remind him that God wants him to be friendly and love others, not hide from them.

In between my coaching and reminding him of what he ought to do, this sweet couple spoke kind words to him.  The woman reminded Manny about how they had played together in the nursery that morning (as they often do during the Sunday School hour).  "Remember the tower we built?"  "Was it this high, Manny?"  Meanwhile, I had pulled Manny out from behind my leg and I was gently speaking to him about being friendly (he's three but he has to learn) and by that point he was in tears.  It's wasn't the first time.  He had cried back at the van too.  My little guy is passionate, let me tell you.  He gets SUPER excited and he gets SUPER upset.  Every day I am teaching him more about handling his emotions appropriately and I pray to God for wisdom.

Back to the couple.  They didn't give up on Manny.  It's such a delicate line, isn't it?  I was thinking they might just move on any minute.  For some reason (nap interrupted or maybe just plain sin) their attempts to reach out to him were causing him to cry. But they didn't let that stop them.  They kept trying.  The man told us he'd be right back and he walked over to the nursery and got two stickers.  One for Manny and one for Isabel.  And it's right here that my tears are welling up again.  It just touched my heart so much.

I didn't cry in that moment either.  It wasn't until this morning when I read these words in my Bible Study.

Jesus had time for children. (Mark 10: 13-16)

It wasn't until then that I fully realized how much that whole episode had meant to me.  Their faces, so sweet and tender, taking the time to reach out to my son...not being scared away by his grouchy tears.  Needing to be somewhere but not being in such a hurry that they overlooked the people in their path.  So much like Christ toward us.

And it is this that I love so much about my Lord: He wasn't in a hurry and he loved the people in his path.

Love takes time and effort.  And it often happens in those little moments that God puts before us.  Just a little extra attention and Manny quit crying.  And who knew that his momma would be crying the next morning? :)

"Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such

belongs the kingdom of God." -Jesus in Mark 10:14

Are you telling yourself the truth?

Do you ever talk to yourself when you're all alone?  It's often something that people ridicule so we're hesitant to admit that we do it.  I think I have talked to myself most when I am driving alone.  I mean lips moving and all.  It's usually when I am either really excited or really burdened about something and my mind is racing.  But I restrain myself when I am stopped at a red light--wouldn't want anyone to think I'm weird or anything. ;)

Maybe you don't talk to yourself like I do (maybe I am weird!)  :)  But there is another way that all of us should talk to ourselves.  It's when our thoughts speak lies.  Sometimes it is going on and we don't even realize it.  We're just going about our day, thinking our thoughts, and before long we can begin to see how our mood is beginning to change.  Usually it is when we are facing trials.

We probably would never say these things out loud but how often are they going through our minds and sometimes with us hardly noticing?...

"God must not love me or I wouldn't be going through this."

"If only I had ______ I'd be happier."

Maybe you despair a little a think "This problem is too big for God to fix."

And how often do we believe the lie that God is not able to help us?  Think about it for a moment.  What seems too impossible, too difficult, too expensive, or too complicated in your life right now?

Are you telling yourself the truth?

Psalm 62:11 says,

"Once God has spoken;
twice I have heard this;
that power belongs to God."

Power belongs to God.

Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves of this truth about him.  He is not only powerful (able to accomplish ANYTHING) but verse 12 says that to God "belongs steadfast love."  Our trials do not mean that his love has faltered.  Far from it!  His love is constant and sure.  His power and his love go hand in hand.  Sometimes we forget that, don't we?

Look at Psalm 62:1.  David is pouring out his praise to God.

"For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."

This is David, talking to himself.  Reminding himself about the truth about God so that he will not be shaken.  Don't think it just came so easily and naturally for him.  He was tempted just like the rest of us.

Notice the questions he asks himself in Psalm 42 and 43.  For example in verse 5 he says "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  He is catching himself in his thoughts.  It's like he's saying "Wait a minute, what am I thinking that is causing me to feel so down?"  We should ask ourselves that question.  When we fill our hearts (thoughts) with the truths of who God is and what he has promised we are encouraged to "hope in God" as David said.

Far too often we simply "listen" to those deceitful thoughts that seem to come so naturally, without any effort.  Satan is very active.  He will try to snare us and he would have us believe that God's love has shifted and his power is no power at all.  He is the "father of lies" and we believe him far too often.

Looking again at Psalm 62, notice what David says in verse 8.

"Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us."

We have to continually remind ourselves that we can trust God.  That is really what it all boils down to.  Trust.  Sometimes, like the father who wanted so much for his son to be healed in Mark 9:24, our heart will cry out like his "I believe; help my unbelief!"

God knows that we are frail and sometimes our faith is weak.  Pour out your heart to him and let the truth of his word do battle with the thoughts that deceive and weaken you further.

"On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God."

Let's talk to ourselves like David did.  The truth about God changed his perspective so much that he was able to say "I shall not be shaken."  You can almost feel the resolve in his words.

What's shaking you up today?  Turn away from the lies that will depress and disable you and turn to God in faith.  Pour your heart out to him...all your worries and hurts.  Let his Word speak to you and continually tell yourself the truth from it.  And don't feel silly about it for a single second.  Other believers have to remind themselves too.

And lastly, trust him.  He is working in your life for good.  Joseph knew that.  After all he had been through he could confidently say "God meant it for good."  (Gen. 50:19-20)  It's true.  We know he doesn't always say "yes" to our prayers.  Sometimes it is "No" or "Wait" but no matter what happens we can be confident that he loves us, his love is steadfast, in other words it's not going ANYWHERE!  And because "power belongs to God" we can be certain that he is accomplishing his divine purpose in and through us.

Making blueberry pancakes and musing on a great God

Early this morning before the kids awoke and before the smell of blueberry pancakes filled the air, I was up studying Psalm 62.  I was inspired to look into it a little deeper after the second part of verse 10 was pointed out in the Ladies Bible Study we did this past week.  Our study was about having a content heart.  

"If riches increase, set not your heart on them."  

I began to look a little deeper at this Psalm, to ponder the verses before and the verses after that one.  This morning I decided to look at the whole Psalm.  

I began to jot down notes and before long the pages in my journal began to fill.  I knew I would want to share it all here.  I will share what I wrote in another post but for now I want to go back to those blueberry pancakes. ;) 

After pouring the batter on the griddle I remembered the box of books that my husband had ordered.  One of them is "Knowing God" by J.I. Packer.  While I stood there in the kitchen and while my kids watched the traditional Saturday morning movie, I began to devour that book.  Just to give you an idea of how long I stood there grilling pancakes...I triple the recipe for our family!  So it takes a little while.  I have often felt like I have little time to read books.  I even wrote a post lamenting that fact.  But lately I have found that there are little windows of opportunity to read if I look for them.  It may not always involve me cozy under a blanket in my recliner but where there's a will there's a way.  And this morning for me it was while making blueberry pancakes.  

I had to force myself to put the book down whenever I had to pour more batter onto the griddle.  I actually made it all the way to page 22!  It was so exciting to me because the theme ran right along with what I was thinking and writing about earlier in the morning.  I'll leave you with the words that introduced chapter one of the book.  They are the words of C.H. Spurgeon.  I read them with an "Amen!" resounding in my heart.

"Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; and in the influence of the Holy Ghost, there is a balsam for every sore.  Would you lose your sorrow?  Would you drown your cares?  Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead's deepest sea; be lost in his immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated.  I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead."

And as J.I. Packer said (this book was published in 1973) "These words spoken over a century ago by C.H. Spurgeon (at that time, incredibly, only twenty years old) were true then, and they are true now."

We can say the same here in 2013.  We have an almighty, unchangeable God indeed.

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>

Once in a while I read a chapter while I watch Isabel (out of the corner of my eye!) taking her bath.
I

Two more helpful tips:

~I am enjoying my "Book Gem".  It holds my book open for me so that I can snag opportunities to read while I'm using my hands to do other things.  While cooking, applying makeup, folding laundry, you get the idea.

~I like to use little sticky tabs.  Whenever I start a book I put about ten of them in the back.  One, I use for a bookmark.  No more losing my place when one of my children picks up my book and out falls the bookmark!  The others I use to mark places I want to remember or go back to later.  No more forgetting where in the world that awesome paragraph is!  I like to share what I read with my husband and my kids so this method works very well for me.  It also prevents dog-earring the pages and I don't have to worry if I can't find my highlighter because all the tabs are stuck in the back of the book!  

Have a blessed weekend!  And maybe you could even squeeze in a little time to read? ;)

A letter to my children {after a tough day}

To my dear children,

Your souls are so precious to me.  I will continue to teach you the Word of God no matter how bored you sometimes seem.  No matter how much you struggle with laughing at your baby sister and I have to stop and remind you to pay attention.  No matter how easy it would be to just overlook it and get straight to watching a movie instead.  I will teach you the Word of God and proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ in our home.

Not only will I teach it, by God's grace I will live it.  I will fear God and take him seriously (as we spoke of tonight).  I know that he sees everything that happens in this home and in my heart and I want to honor him to the best of my ability.

You know how much your mommy needs God.  I turned to him so many times today.  I did not want to give in to my feelings.  I know how important it is for me to push forward through every struggle with strength and hope in God.

There were silent tears today and not just from me.  There were warnings, loving rebukes, encouraging words...me  affirming you and understanding that you are struggling because I struggle too.  Words of encouragement to spur you on to greater heights.  "I know you can do better, ask God to help you...turn to him like I do."  And we prayed together, me showing you the way.  Both of us turning to God, our only hope in the midst of our weakness.

There were so many opportunities to teach you today, to coach you, to redirect your gaze to Christ and, exhausting as it was, I did my best to take them all.

Oh, how I want you to love him!  There may be some part of me that wants this for selfish reasons...but I want this for your sake as well.  My heart cries "Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!"  I want this to become your heart's cry as well.

I know all too well that there is no true peace, no true joy and no true LIFE apart from him.

Remember the words I spoke to you this evening at the dinner table?

God has provided a sacrifice for you.  He gave his only Son for you.  He loves you so.

Take it to heart children.  Believe it.  It's almost too good to be true but God's gift of eternal life is free for the taking to all who will believe.

I could tell that you felt very loved when I went around the table and hugged each of you one by one and kissed your heads as I said your name and told you that I loved you.  My children, the love of God is far greater than mine.  He made you and knows your deepest thoughts.  There is nothing more wonderful than walking with him.  It begins right here and now.

Love always,
mom

I don't miss it {writing prompt}

I am sixteen and sitting in a chair in my parent's basement.  My step-dad was recently stationed with the Air Force in North Dakota.  I don't want to spend much time outside.  This freezing cold weather is quite a dramatic change from sunny California.

My grandmother had given us a typewriter and it inspires me to write.  I love the clacking sound that the keys make and the response of the metal-armed letters making their impressions through a ribbon of ink onto the paper.  The letters forming to make the words I need to say.  The words on the page are the deepest expression of my heart that I can muster.  I find that I am suddenly enjoying poetry as never before.  I delight in choosing words that rhyme and fit my message.  I am treading new ground and it is exhilarating!

> > > > > > > > > > > < < < < < < < < < < <

I kept many of those poems for years.  Recently, I actually chose to throw some of them away.  I remember being a teenager and wondering about my mom.  I wondered what she wasn't telling me about herself.  Were there things she would never want me to find?  Were there things that she threw away?  Things that were perhaps burned?

No matter how much I want to know my loved ones, there are just things that only God knows and that is best.  He can handle those things better than we can, can't he?

So I dug up those old poems in my attic.  I read them over again.  It wasn't easy to remember myself so utterly lost as I sat at that typewriter.  It grieves me that they are not "clean" enough to pass on to my children with pride.  Quite frankly, they are embarrassing.

I do try to be as open as possible with my kids.  But some things will always just be between me and God.  It's not for them to know.

But there are some things can be redeemed.  Some things can be learned from and serve as cautions and warnings.  Some things can serve to bring honor and glory to a merciful and amazingly gracious God.

One of my poems was called "What if I died tomorrow?"  Yes, death comes to us all and how could I not wonder about what that would mean for me.  I did not know if there was a God.  It would be the very thing that would bring me to tears in my adult life.  I did not know.  I experienced such inner turmoil over this.  I won't put the whole poem here but here are some of the words...

What if I died tomorrow?
What would there be?
Nothing to see, no more me.
What if I died tomorrow?

While I had questions and didn't really know what to believe, especially about God, I was certain of one thing: my death would be the end of me.  Sadly, that is what I thought.

It's all different now.  I have faith in my Jesus.  He conquered death for me.  His Word says that I will reign with him forever.  He has made me his own.  I have no doubt that when I die I will see his face.

And that will be a most precious sight to behold.  So precious it brings me to tears just to think of it.

I want to build a legacy with my family.  A legacy of truth, righteousness and beauty.  We cannot have these things apart from God though many often try.  I want to give my children every opportunity through Christ to not waste their youth on empty pursuits.  I want them to see that God is real and there is nothing better than living a life devoted to him.  I really mean it, there is NOTHING better.



Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/i-dont-miss-it/

[A note about my "anger" posts: I am planning to post a little more on the topic of anger.  Maybe a part three?  I think that there is more to clarify and consider.  I am studying it out and asking God to help me to understand what his Word says.  I think this is a rather touchy topic that is often misunderstood.  With that said, any input, correction or clarification from my readers would be appreciated.]

Don't sin when you're angry {marriage, part 2}

{You can read part one here: Don't sin when you're angry {marriage, part 1}

Be angry and do not sin; 

do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Ephesians 4:26

It often happens that the more we hear something repeated, the less we question it's validity.  I think most people have heard this verse and I am glad for that but I think that people have also misunderstood it.  It is often taken to mean that we don't dare go to sleep until we have resolved whatever issue we are facing.  A desire to resolve matters and come to an understanding is a noble desire.  But should we always attempt to resolve our difficulties and disagreements even if it keeps us up until 3am and we are exhausted and can hardly think straight?

First, this passage in Ephesians is not written specifically and only for the marriage relationship.  It applies to everyone.  Can everyone stay up all night trying to resolve their differences?  Should they?  

Do you know that there is wisdom in being silent at times?

There is a very similar verse to the one in Ephesians that is found in the Psalms. 

Be angry, and do not sin;

ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.

Psalm 4:4

What is our tendency when we are angry?  We bicker back and forth defending our position and expressing our frustration until things escalate and emotions are running high.  Maybe things don't necessarily escalate but you just find that you are getting nowhere.  I really don't think we need to feel like we have to have everything resolved before we go to sleep.  Sometimes it is better to "sleep on it" and plan to discuss it further the next day.  

How about praying?  Have you ever lovingly told your spouse that their concerns are very important to you (try not to say it through clenched teeth) and you will take them to heart?  Every couple has instances where they are just not seeing eye to eye on things.  It's ok to step away from the issue and get before God in prayer.  Your loved one may not want to let it go right then (I have been that "one") but you can assure them of your love and concern and also assure them that you will commit it to prayer.  Have you ever said "I just need some time to pray before we continue"?  

I had to learn this the hard way.  If I had learned this principle early on in my marriage it would have been a good thing :).  "Ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent."

And I add to that: PRAY.  Stop and pray.  Ask God for wisdom and help in the situation.  Ask him to open your eyes to see things from the other person's perspective.  

After praying, talk to your spouse and seek to understand what they are going through.  Each of us has unique situations going on in our lives that are contributing to our stress level.  We're all going through something.  Try to understand them.  This is hard to do when our first inclination is to focus on our selves and how we feel.

But if we are going to honor God in our relationships we must put our focus on loving God and others more.

"Don't let the sun go down on your anger."  Don't resolve in your mind that you are going to stay mad.  Instead, resolve that you will always take whatever steps you can toward reconciliation and forgiveness.  And remember that sometimes the best thing to do is sleep on it. :)

Don't sin when you're angry {marriage, part 1}

As parents, I think we all have things that we teach our kids not to say.  One of the words that we have banned is "stupid".  We have good reason for banning it.  Typically, when a person uses that word they do so with name calling, swearing or just a poor attitude in general.  All of which we greatly discourage in our home.  Well, imagine the surprise of my children when one day they noticed that the Bible (gasp!) uses the word "stupid".

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, 

but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 12:1 (ESV)

Obviously I have had to remind my children that though the word is most often used inappropriately, there are instances when it is an appropriate word to use.  Like in the Bible! :)  The problem is that children seem to have a difficult time using the expression without sinning.

Similarly, some of my children have had the mistaken impression that we should never, EVER be angry. 

"Wait a minute, let's clarify something kids."  

Aren't there things that we should be angry about?  Injustice, cruelty, carelessness...is not God himself angry at times and rightly so?  If we are not angered by these things, as well as others I haven't mentioned, then we should have our pulse checked.  The question is: How do we respond when something angers us?

In Psalm 4:4 it says "Be angry and do not sin.  Ponder in your bed and be silent."

You know, as far as marriage goes, you are not going to get this kind of example on television.  I haven't seen a sitcom in years but I remember how married couples would handle their conflicts.  They would blurt out whatever they were thinking, speaking their mind.  They would retaliate, get defensive, have a good comeback or a one-line zinger.  And sure, it feels good at first but the effects are lasting and they are damaging to our relationships.

That is probably why I don't watch them anymore!  Those ways of handling anger and conflict are foolish and ungodly.  And none of us needs more encouragement to be like that!

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  

Proverbs 12:18

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, 

but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

Proverbs 15:28

I admit, I have had my share of poor responses and foolish choices.  We are all learning to apply wisdom and do better with this.  Especially when the heat is on and we are downright upset.  But through years of trial and error (maybe it just took me a while to "get" some things) I am learning that God's ways are best, they are wise and they bring blessing to my relationships.

When we are upset and angry (yes it happens to good Christian women) we feel a tremendous urge to pour it all out.

A fool gives full vent to his spirit, 

but a wise man (woman) quietly hold it back.

Proverbs 29:11

It can feel like a dam is going to break loose if we hold it all in much longer.  Expect it, you will probably feel this way.  But just because the urge is there does not mean that we should give in to it.  Nor should we be hard in heart, resolved that we have a right to be angry and therefore we will stay angry.  This is what the Bible calls bitterness.

Most of us are probably familiar with the verse in Ephesians 4:26 which says:

Be angry and do not sin; 

do not let the sun go down on your anger.

I will elaborate a little more on this in Part 2.  But for now, let's take a little look into Ephesians for some help in evaluating how we typically respond in upsetting situations.  Do you have a disposition that is bent on being angry when something upsets you?  God understands that we will experience being angry.  We are emotional beings.  Of course things that happen will affect us.  But we will have to choose how we will respond.  He tells us not to sin.  

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, 

but only such as is good for building up,

as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom

you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Let all bitterness ( holding a grudge, hard heart, won't forgive), and wrath (vengeful anger)

and anger and clamor (noisy shouting) and slander (speak negatively about, leave a poor impression) be put away from you, along with all malice (desire to cause pain or injury).

Ephesians 4:29-31

Read through these carefully.  Do these characteristics describe the way you typically respond when you are hurt?  Do you turn things around on the other person and start tearing them down?  These are all very natural and fleshly responses.  They are not the responses that God requires of us.

We find the right response in verse 32.  I know, you have probably heard this verse a million times.  Don't become numb to it.  This verse describes the disposition that ought to characterize those who follow Christ.  It ought to be our attitude behind closed doors and yes, even when we feel angry and upset.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

My husband and I have had several lively conversations on this topic.  I've been thinking a lot about the verse that says "Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger. (Eph. 4:26)  Anyway, I jotted down something he said a little earlier today as he was getting ready for work.  I liked it because it puts much of what I have been trying to express here into one concise sentence.

"Anger is a reaction to a circumstance but staying angry is a choice."

I think knowing that is half the battle.

{You can read part two here: Don't sin when you're angry {marriage, part two}

"Play with me?"

Who can resist an offer from this little cutie?

Sister love.

"Peek a boo, I see you!"

Isabel loves this little cash register toy.  It even teaches a little Spanish.  Cute little songs too. :)

Amera's lap is definitely one of her favorite places to be!

Sweet blessings on a Saturday morning.  :)

Enjoy them while you can

I sat across the table from my husband in an Italian restaurant.  We chatted about various things as we waited for our food to arrive.  As much as I was enjoying our conversation, I couldn't help but overhear the mother in the booth to my left.  She seemed very annoyed as she gave one of her two daughters instructions on how to use her utensils.  Her daughters looked to be anywhere from 6-8 years old.  She spoke harshly, she rebuked, she was exasperated. 

Their mother continued to spew out her frustrations through pursed lips for what seemed like ten minutes. Frustrated by her daughter's lack of coordination she began to compare using utensils to playing the piano.  Not even kidding.

When my husband stood up to go to the restroom, I decided to turn around just a little and sneak a quick glance at her daughter.  Beautiful little girl, though her eyes were downcast.  If I, a complete stranger, was cringing at every word coming from this woman's mouth, how much more this little girl?  

It surprised me that this mother didn't see any need to keep a little quieter, be more discreet with her rebukes...did she enjoy her children at all?  Was she that much of a perfectionist that she was going to harp on her daughter for the course of the entire meal?  It grieved me and I wanted to warn her.  I wanted to scribble down a quick note to give to her before we left.  Maybe it could say "You have beautiful children, love them, enjoy their company while you still can...think about how they are seeing you..."  I wanted to somehow help her to see things a little clearer, to see how her harsh words are affecting her relationship with her daughters.  Because when its all said and done, does proper utensil use really matter that much?

It's so easy for all of us to see the wrong in what someone else is doing but do we see our own?  I have been trying to do that with the goal of opening my eyes to my own sin.  It's easy for me to see extremes and then feel glad that it's not me doing that, but where do I need to grow?  What do I need to change as a mother?  I think, if we're honest, we will see that we all have things we need to work on.  Sometimes my priorities are out of whack and I need to adjust them.  Sometimes I get frustrated when my kids don't "perform" well and I make that "thing they should know how to do by now" more important than simply loving them.

Don't follow that downward spiral of being annoyed at this and annoyed at that.  Get your grip on God and take steps upward, choosing to love your kids as God wants you to do.  Do there need to be rebukes?  Yes.  But do it out of love for your kids and love for God.  Not because you want them to be perfect and not make your life difficult.  Say what needs to be said and move on.  Love them and delight in being with them.  

What can you do to show more love to your children today?

If asked, would they say that you enjoy their company?

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, 

and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 18:21

Where I belong {writing prompt}

This April, my husband and I will celebrate 18 years of marriage!  As a married woman, I have been through many peaks and valleys.  No marriage is perfect, right?  How could it be with two imperfect people?

Several weeks ago, I shared with a group of ladies how God has changed my thinking concerning my marriage.  I remember the first four years or so of our marriage.  Those were times when my only foundation was my whim and desire for everything to go my way.  If it wasn't, I wanted out.  I panicked.  I can remember storming out of the house after an argument and thinking that there was no hope for us and no way we would get past this.  We were struggling to understand each other...and what did we really know of love?   To us, love was good feelings.  I would later come to see that it's not that way with God.

That God would want a relationship with me...the unlovely, the impure, the selfish...that he would pursue me, not turning away and refusing me but accepting me.  His love is warm and sacrificial.  His love is nurturing and he desires me to turn from my ways to his.  His love is the basis for all of my relationships.

How can I run away when he stays?  He is loyal and faithful.

How can I think only of myself when he gave his only Son to die a brutal death in my sinful place?

How can I be unkind when I know that it was his kindness that lead me to repentance?

The truth of who God is has laid the foundation for my marriage.  I will not pretend that I have always been responsive to the truth but I have had some victory over the years.  That victory has come as I have spent time getting to know God through his Word and chosen to live it out.  Those are the beautiful times.  Even though they are hard, they are beautiful.  They are the moments I will never regret.  I want to live like that.  No regrets.

I thought I'd share a recent little thing that my husband and I came up with.  Sometimes it just helps to have a certain thing you say in a particular situation.  Think about those times that you have something that you really want your spouse to change, work on, or start doing.  Or maybe you need to talk to them about something that bothers you.  Your mind may be flooded with all of the things you want to tell them.  But let's face it, sometimes when we get the opportunity we go on and on and we say more than we need to.  The thing is, we want to make sure we are getting our point across, right?

Well, it is in these situations that we have started saying "Duly noted".  It works really well for us.  These are usually those times when we are in the bedroom putting things away or making the bed.  It's a great time for us to bring things up with each other.  And we listen to each other.  But saying "Duly noted" is a way to let the other know that we get it.  We understand the problem and we will aim to change it.  It's not rude or careless.  It's a short way to communicate "I love you, I have heard you, and I will take it to heart and to prayer".  Sometimes we verbalize all of those things but other times it works so well to just say "Duly noted".  And sometimes we chuckle and tease "Are you telling me to be quiet?" :)  It depends on the mood of course.

I thank God for redeeming our marriage.  For being our rock, our hope and our shield.  I know what it's like to live without him.  And believe me, I don't ever want to go back.

I'm right where I belong, through thick and thin.  Love is more than feelings.  It is a choice.  It's a choice I can make because God chose to love me with all of my imperfections.  I praise him for that.



Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/where-i-belong/

When opportunity knocks

He works late into the night.  When he wakes up around nine o'clock each morning and my day is already in full swing.  On this particular morning, Amera's piano lesson was canceled.  I had planned to cancel it because due to illness she has not gotten much practice anyway.  But her teacher beat me to it and called me the night before to cancel.  She had one of those opportunities where someone gives you tickets to someplace special and you just don't want to pass it up.  We laughed at how I was going to cancel anyway and at how well that worked out for both of us.  I told her, "Have fun!"

Being home that morning worked out to be a big blessing for me too.  Can I just tell you what one of my favorite things to do is?  I love to ask my husband about something I've been reading in the Bible.  

He was in the kitchen getting something to eat for breakfast (I'm telling you, our schedules are so unaligned) when I said "I have something I want to ask you about from Isaiah 55".  He didn't waste any time.   He grabbed his breakfast, I made sure the coffee was brewing and we sat down at our dining room table.  We could sneak this time in, right?  The kids had already accomplished much of their school work and were playing in various rooms of the house.  It was a perfect opportunity to take a little break.  And this was very important business. ;)

I love how excited he gets about teaching me the truths of the Bible.  I was falling in love with him all over again on that morning.   Sitting there at the table, eating my snack of Cheez-its.  Loving how he jumps right in to the opportunity to help me see the context of a passage...to try to understand what God is really saying in his Word.  He prompts me with questions, I search for the answers.  With each new discovery the excitement builds.  I see it!  Yes!  Thank you.

Now, I am falling more in love with Isaiah 55 with every line I read...and with God really.  Because the words are from his heart to mine.  

"Come everyone who thirsts."

Yes, I know it so well.  He satisfies the soul like no one and nothing else can.  It's one of the many reasons I love him so.  What would I do without God?

I cannot end without reminding you that God gives everyone the opportunity, even better, the INVITATION to come to him and to receive the forgiveness and eternal life that he freely offers to you.  He urges us, he pleads "Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live..."

And just a little more?  I have to tell you what he says in verses six and seven.  It's like a fire in my bones.  I am compelled by all the love, grace and compassion of God to tell you what he says in these verses. 

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."  He will abundantly pardon.

If you've ever wondered what the word repentance means, I think it's right there in a nutshell.  It's the way to God.  The only way.  I've been helping Clara (5yrs.) memorize it every day for "Kids 4 Truth".  Mark 1:15b "Repent and believe in the gospel."  The gospel is all about Jesus.  The perfect One gave his life for the imperfect ones.  God's glorious plan from the very beginning and more precious to me than anything else.

Consider reading Isaiah 55 soon?