When uncertainty leaves you feeling weary

"Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. 

When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. 

Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. 

Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him."  

(From "My Utmost for his Highest" by Oswald Chambers)

We are currently in the process of trying to sell a home.  It is stressful on many levels.  It is a process that I look forward to be done with.  I don't like uncertainty, I don't like waiting on papers, decisions and processes.  I didn't say that I'm not asking God for the grace to be patient through it all.  I'm just saying it's been difficult.

We had our house under contract but after a rather lengthy inspection report was written up on our home our buyers were scared out of the deal.  I remember the day the friendly inspector came to our house and walked down the hall and into rooms holding his little notebook and a pen.  I was in good spirits.  I was hopeful and pretty sure he wouldn't find much.  It was a very rainy day when he came and after he had inspected almost everything he stood in our driveway preparing himself to go into the crawlspace.  After I asked him a question about receiving the results of the inspection, he was so reassuring that he had found nothing major to speak of.  My hopes soared even higher.  Everything seemed to be going so well.

I won't get into the details of the report but issues were reported that we did not even know existed.  We are hoping that they are quick fixes and of course, we are also hoping that they don't cost much.  And this is the hard part for me.  This having to fix things in order to sell this home and move forward into the future.  It begins to feel like a heavy weight that I want to be rid of.  I grow weary of living in the reality of the maybes and the if onlys and sometimes the what ifs?  The what ifs come in both positive and negative form.  I'm either hoping for something great (which is sometimes what I want and not what God has for me) or dreading something bad.  It's possible with  either one of those to take my focus off of God's perfect plan for us.

It seems that my husband and I are constantly taking turns bolstering each other's faith and encouraging each other to trust God.  When I am weak, he is strong and vice versa.  I can only speak for myself when I say that part of my weariness is with myself.  I am tired of being tested.  I want to prove that I can trust God and not worry about a thing just one time, not over and over again.  I want to have victory over those things and be done with the battle but much to my dismay it is ongoing.  Anxiety rears it's ugly head and sometimes it is hard to just go to God and give it up.  But I do it.  Sometimes I take a little too long to do it, but I come eventually.  And I always wish that I had come sooner.  

I don't know how all of this home selling and home buying is going to turn out but I am walking by faith.  I'm trusting that my God makes no mistakes and that he knows all things and can do all things.  He is the beginning and the end.  He is love and he is ever so good.

I was reminded through a friend's post yesterday on Facebook to "continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving" (Col. 4:2).  This evening it came to mind again as I thought about the thankful heart that needed to replace my stressed out and anxious one.  My thinking began to change.  The home that we have here went from being a burden we are bearing to the blessing God has given.  What comforts we have had and will have for the next few days until we leave!  I can be such an ungrateful child.  It's like that when your problems seem to be bigger than everything else in your life.  You focus on them and all your heart does is complain.

I don't want to be like God's people so long ago.  He is still the same God who parted the waters of the Red Sea so that his children could cross on dry ground.  I want to revel in that.  I want to thank him and remember all of the great things he has done for me.  I want to thank him simply for being who he is.  I want to continue to believe that he knows what he is doing even though I don't understand why he's doing it.

As I sit talking about it all with tears streaming down my face, my husband reminds me again "Marisha, God is going to do something great."  "He is going to glorify himself."  And I wonder why I seem to so easily forget that.  That even through my troubles and disappointments he is still working.

My heart begins to respond in faith though I don't say a word...Yes, honey.  You're right about God.  It may not be what we expect or imagine but we can be confident in that he has a plan for our good.

My husband has been such an encouragement to me.  I was also encouraged this morning as I read Psalm 36...

Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the clouds.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

your judgments are like the great deep;

man and beast you save, O LORD.

How precious is your steadfast love, O God!

The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.

They feast on the abundance of your house, 

and you give them drink from the river of your delights.

For with you is the fountain of life;

in your light do we see light.

Psalm 36:5-9

A love letter to God

Father, 

Sometimes I get so focused on challenges that seem so daunting that I lose sight of how great and powerful you are.  I lose sight of your purpose for me.  I know that whenever I want my will over yours it's because my heart is deceived.  It's because I doubt your goodness and I think that I know what is good for me much better than you do.  And I never come right out and say it, but it's the thoughts that run through the mind that I am sure you are most concerned with.  The doubts of your goodness that creep in unexpectedly.  The thinking that because I am willing to serve you and go where you want me to go, that you may deprive and withhold from me.  And who wants to be deprived of what they want?  It's true, you might withhold from me in some ways, but none of that diminishes the glory of your goodness.  You have already "blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places." (Eph. 1:3)

You have not promised me the house of my dreams (at least not in this life) and you already know all of my needs even before I ask you for them.  You know of needs that I don't even know about yet.  I depend on you, Father.  I need your grace to continue to trust that your will is good and perfect.  I need the faith to accept that whatever you give is best for me.  I don't need more space than I have now.  I don't need another bathroom.  I simply need you.  And I need to remember that all of these little details came into your mind long before the thought of California entered ours.  You are not intimidated by a cost of living increase or a "seller's market" in real estate.  You are not intimidated by anything!  These are things that will make us tremble when we lose sight of your power.  

Father, I know that I cannot lose sight of my primary reason for living out my days on this earth.  It is to serve you.   It is to point others to Christ so that they will serve you too.  I love you more than all the luxuries this earth can hold.  None of them can satisfy my soul like you can.  They should never hold any sway over my heart.  I want you more!

Last night,  I resolved that I will trust you no matter what you choose to give me.  It is worldly thinking that subtly whispers "I deserve..." and "I shouldn't have to do without..."  My Savior deserved far better than what he endured and he did without a great many things.  I don't deserve anything, Father.  Not even your mercy and grace.  

Last night, I also realized how much I need your help to not lose sight of what I am here for.  It's not so that I can have a nice house with all the bells and whistles.  Although you know how I have many specifics that I am asking you for, my longings have been expressed and if you choose to give them to me I won't refuse your blessing.  But you do not owe me anything.  And I know that whatever you choose to give will be out of your deep and faithful love for me.  But never let me forget that the primary reason you have given me life is so that I can proclaim the greatness of your kingdom.  A life forever with you, a great and loving God who gave his perfect Son for sinful people like me.  It's so that I can show them that this "life forever" begins the moment they turn to Christ in faith.  It is a life that is beautiful, not because it is easy, problem free and we always get what we want but it is beautiful because we know you and desire to do your will.

And who am I that I should be blessed with the opportunity to serve you and your people?  I am simply someone who loves you, who loves your awesome mercy and grace, who loves how righteous and beautiful you are.  And yet, in the same breath that I am saying I love you, I know that my love for you needs to be fuller, deeper, and my whole heart needs to be engaged.  I know that my love for you should always be expressed not just in what I say, but in what I do.  My love should be an active response to the amazing love you have shown to me.  I do not love you because of what you give me, I love you because of who you are.

Lord, you are teaching me something about following your lead.  Your plans are well thought out.  You never miss a detail.  How silly for me to presume that I am more in tune with my circumstances than you are.  That causes worry because that is when I am not trusting you.  Help me to trust you in whatever situations I face, knowing that you are good, understanding that you know full well what is best for me, and believing that you will never, never leave me without your love.  It is in the truth of these promises that my souls finds rest.

With all my heart, now and forever,
Marisha

Psalm 16 was such a blessing to me this morning, thank you for your Word!

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge,
I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you."

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, 
in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Are you listening to what he's saying?

Whenever couples say that they never have a disagreement, I don't believe them.  How is it possible that two people could never disagree?

Maybe they mean that they never yell, fight or argue like children?  Ok, I believe God can help with that and he gives grace to overcome those things.  But...to never disagree?  How can two people who are different in many ways never disagree?

Even the greatest of marriages will not be free from disagreements.  But if you're like me, you may need some help in learning how to handle them in a mature and godly way.

What I'm about to share with you will be very simple yet profound.


Listen to your husband.


When he comes to you and points out an issue that he thinks you need to correct in your life, don't get defensive.  You will be very tempted to do so.  As soon as he brings up his concerns and points out an issue with the way you are doing things, no matter how respectfully he does it, you may want to throw up walls.  You won't want to hear him.  You will give excuses and right away you will want to explain why you do what you do.  But your first reaction is not always the best one.  You must learn to truly listen...and be silent.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.  James 1:19

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 18:13

One of the blessings of being up early this morning is the quietness of my house.  All of the children are sleeping.  Any cars that might be driving around are so far away that I cannot hear them.  All I can hear are the sounds of the birds singing and chirping as the sun rises.  This glorious calm and quiet gets me out of bed in the morning because I don't want to miss it.

I find that, the longer I sit in this quiet room, the more I notice other sounds.  Like the hum of the refrigerator motor.  That is not something I tend to notice during the usual noise going on in any given day.  But I notice it when everything else is quiet.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.  Proverbs 12:15

There are things in your marriage that you will not be inclined to pay any attention to if all you do is fill the room with the noise of defending yourself against whatever he says.  Just listen to what he has to say.  You may need to tell him that you will take some time to think and to pray about what he has said.  It may not sink in easily.  You might think he's way off base.  We have all been there.  It's possible that he is off base.  It's also possible that he's not.  Taking the time to pray and be silent before the Lord is the best thing you can do right then.

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.  

Proverbs 10:19

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 21:23

Another thing you may be tempted to do is to take the opportunity to point out some of his flaws.  Maybe you even think that he has the same issue that he is pointing out in you.  This is where it gets difficult.  This is when you will want to turn all of the attention from yourself onto him.  Resist that temptation.  You may not even realize that you are doing it, at first.  But this is not the time to turn things around on him.  He has come to you.  Hear him out and let it be done.  If you have something that you want to talk to him about, do it later.  Take time to pray and prepare your heart for it.  Then, hopefully, he will remember how great it was when you had actually listened to him and he might do the same for you.  No guarantees of course.  But no matter how he responds, you focus on honoring God and let God take care of the rest.

Listen to your husband.  God may have something very important to teach you through his words.  Though they are very hard to take at first, you may later realize that they were just what you needed to hear.

The many faces of Isabel

It was a happy Friday morning.  Isabel sat at the table with Amera and I while all the other children continued to sleep in their beds.  She was far from sleepy and so playful and cute that we couldn't help but be a little distracted from doing our Bible study.  

One of my favorite things in the world are the expressions on her sweet little face.  And this morning I didn't want to miss a single one!  

When we think we can hide from God

Sometimes, when children are off in a room playing together, there comes that moment when you suddenly sense that it is far too quiet in the house.  So you decide to go and find out what they're up to.  As you stand in the doorway looking at them inside the room, you get the sense that they were doing something that they were not supposed to do.  It is written all over their faces that they are hiding something and are afraid of getting caught.  Someone in the room may have gotten some crazy idea and everyone else decided to try it out when suddenly the presence of a parent reminds them that they are breaking a rule.  They are ashamed and embarrassed.  They try to cover up and hide their intentions but you see right through it.

How much more does God see through us.  We cannot hide a single thing from his loving, wise and holy gaze.  

You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.  Psalm 90:8

It is our sin that makes us want to hide and try to keep things secret.  But God never sleeps, he is always present and nothing can be hidden from his sight.  

O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.  Psalm 69:5

A Christian that is rightly relating to God will see these truths as blessings and be thankful for them.  If it weren't for our God seeing and exposing the true nature of the sin in our hearts, how would we ever see the need to change?  It is because of his deep love for us that he desires to bring our sins out of the dark and into the light.  It is so that we can be healed, restored and forgiven.

God does pursue us.  But not to do us harm.  It is our sinful choices that, although they are enticing and pleasurable (especially at first) will lead us down paths of misery and ruin.

But God is not only a pursuer.  He is also a rescuer.  He seeks to find the lost sheep who have gone their own way and now lie there, feeling trapped.  They are bloody, bruised and helpless because of their poor choices.  The rescuers driving passion is to carry them to a place of safety, abundance and rest.

(Jesus told the following parable when some self-righteous religious leaders grumbled because Jesus was so welcoming to sinners and ate with them)

"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?  And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.  And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.'  Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."  Luke 15:3-7

You can't be rescued if you still believe you can save yourself.  God won't carry you if you still think you can hold your own.  He's not going to drag you around kicking and screaming.  You must begin by trusting him and believing that he alone is able to help you, forgive, and heal you.

His rescue mission was planned long ago.  Back when the first man and woman sinned and thought that they could hide from God.   Can you imagine the depth of grief he felt in that moment.  The man and woman had been so open, so free and so true to their God.  And now, because of sin, a huge barrier was erected between them.

And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.  Genesis 3:8

If you have ever experienced a child trying to hide something they have done from you, you know that terrible feeling of grief over their sin.  It damages trust and it strains the relationship you have with them.  You still love them, but it saddens you that they would choose an ugly sin over a close, loving relationship with you.

When God said "Where are you?" it was was not because he didn't know.  He knew exactly where the man was.  But oftentimes it is a question like this and then our personal response that follows, that helps us to come to grips with what we have done.  Nothing will change for us until we first admit that we have done wrong.  We may not even know exactly where we are but we know when we are running away, lost and far from God.  Call out to him!  The depth of your despair cannot go deeper than his mercy.  He knows exactly where you are.  He can reach you.  He can carry you.  And he has given you his Son, Jesus Christ, to pay all of your penalties for you.  He suffered and died in your place, for what you deserve!  He is a wonderful God!  Turn to him and find rest for your weary soul.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."-Jesus in Matthew 11:28

For the wages (what we earn) of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 6:23

None is righteous, no, not one...

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:10, 23

For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  Romans 10:13

Longing for their eyes to be opened

"Oh taste and see that the LORD is good!  

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, 

for those who seek the LORD lack no good thing!"

Psalm 34:8-9

This is the passionate heart's cry of every godly mother (Did you notice the exclamation points in those verses?).  Although, we know full well that some of our children may not be "saints" these are the words we want to impress upon their hearts, penetrating deep within and removing any doubt or question in their relation to God.

I'm convinced, being a mother has to be one of the most heartbreaking experiences ever.  We, who feel a tremendous burden for the souls of our children.  We, who see the error of our children's ways and rebuke and warn.  It is a daily thing.  It is not easy and we become weary in our swim upstream. 

There are currents from without and from within.  It is the "within" that worries me most.  The heart that is hard and not receptive to wisdom.  Yes, that is what makes me tremble.  That is what I fear.  

A mother who knows the dangers cannot help but to imagine the future if children who are small never ever turn from their own ways but simply grow bigger. 

If I have ever had the wrong motives driving my desire to point my children to Christ, Father forgive me.  It is not so that we can "appear" clean on the outside.  A family, all dressed up, happy and smiling on their way to church.  Those things are all well and good but my burden runs far deeper than outward appearances.  My burden is for individual hearts to feel the weight of their sin and to see with eyes wide open that only Jesus can bear it.  My burden is for each and every child to submit their heart to the Lordship of Christ...Creator, Redeemer and Friend.  My burden is for the Holy Spirit to move in hearts...wooing us to turn from sin and find grace to help in time of need.

And it is not an automatic thing.  It is the heart that God is after.  The total and complete change of heart.  Outward conformity will not do.  We who know him and have tasted and seen that he is indeed good are burdened for those who have not tasted and cannot seem to see.  We pray and we long for the heart to go from hard to tender.  We long for them to personally know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that the LORD IS GOOD, and all other things that promise to satisfy more are counterfeits.

Let it be said that we loved with every ounce of strength the Lord supplies.  Let it be said that we prayed with the fervency and consistency of a warrior who knows the battle all to well.  Let it be said that the Word of God penetrated our hearts so deeply and was full to overflowing in the lives of our children.  Let the love within the family be so strong and so close that to ever do anything to break that bond would be so utterly painful that the mere thought of it hinders sin.  

Do you long for a closer and tighter bond in your family?  Are you praying for God to show you what to do next?  Ask him to give you ideas for how you can cultivate deeper relationships with each other.  Ways that you can slow down in the hustle and bustle of life and connect with each other.  Don't underestimate God.  He has really good ideas.  He wants the family to be close.  He wants the eye-contact, the heart to hearts, and the fun after the work is done.  It is possible for people to live under the same roof yet not really know each other very well at all.  It takes much effort, communication and sometimes just slowing down long enough to hug and listen.

We are implementing some things in our family that we hope will make our bond even stronger.  I hope to share some of those things soon.  We are hoping that through these things a strong and deep love will be cultivated.  A love for each other and most of all a love for God which will then flow out into the lives of others.  What could be more meaningful than that?

[a re-post from the archives |  March 22, 2013...because sometimes you get too many spam comments and you have to delete the original post.]

Excuses we give for not going to church

There is nothing quite like reading on a rainy day.  Especially when you read something you really appreciate.  I want to share an excerpt from the book I am reading titled "Addictions" by Edward T. Welch.  

Before I do though, let me just say that a part of me wishes that this book had a different title because I think that many people might see that title and not pick it up since they don't drink or do drugs.  But the wisdom contained in this book applies to every believer.  As the author says: "The thing that drives addictions can be found in every human heart.  For example, we all have had experience with unruly desires that don't take no for an answer."  The good news is that for those who have placed their faith in Christ, there is always the possibility of escape from those temptations because our ever-faithful God stands ready to help us. (1 Cor. 10:13)

With that said, on to the excerpt.  This is from a chapter toward the end of the book titled "Being Part of the Body".  He covers some common reasons why people avoid going to church and meeting with God's people.  (The author's words will be in bold and all other comments are mine.) 

"The local church is the prominent means by which God gives grace to us.  It is an imperfect group that meets together for worship, teaching, prayer and fellowship.  There is no question that every local church can be critiqued for a number of reasons, and if you struggle with addictions, you will probably see many weaknesses immediately.  This should make it that much more attractive, because it says that God welcomes imperfect people and he has purposes for them.

One of the basic principles in AA is that if you don't want to go to a meeting, then you must go to a meeting.  A similar principle exists for the church, except God himself has determined that we should meet with each other (Heb. 10:25).  If you feel like you don't want to be with God's people in the church, then you must go to church.

What are some of your rationalizations for not meeting with God's people?

• "They don't understand."
• "I don't fit in there."
• "They are a bunch of hypocrites."
• "I just don't feel comfortable in church."

Be alert.  This is warfare in progress.  Satan starts with a kernel of truth (there is some truth in most rationalizations), and he uses it to hurt you.  Be on guard against these lies and be prepared to combat them.

• "They don't understand."  Yes, they may not understand what I have been through.  But I don't understand what they have been through either.  I have to remember: this isn't just about me.  It is about knowing and loving God and knowing and loving others.

To think of ourselves when it comes to serving God, totally goes against what it truly means to be a Christian.  Here are some helpful verses: 

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  Rom. 15:1-2

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Phil. 2:2-4

And he (Jesus) answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.  Luke 10:27

• "I don't fit in."  That's true; there may be no official, former addicts here.  No one has my exact background.  But this is a group of sinners seeking Christ, and the Spirit is present when people meet in the name of Jesus.  If I don't fit in here, I am in trouble.

I wrote about this struggle here: Finally belonging.  We can experience the same struggle for different reasons.  But it is self-centered at it's core.  I know, there are emotions involved here, but when we begin to allow our focus to turn inward we lose focus on what God wants us to do and on how we can love other people.

• "They are a bunch of hypocrites."  I can't believe I have stooped to that excuse!  I am losing my creativity!  If there are some hypocrites there, then I should fit in just fine.

Wow, who hasn't heard this one?  It's the classic excuse for not getting involved in a church, put the blame on everybody else.  Granted, there are churches where people do not desire to follow Christ and obey his Word.  There are churches where what the pastor preaches from the pulpit is a far cry from the way he lives throughout the week.  But those are not good churches and hopefully a better one is available for you.  Remember, if your focus is on serving God and others, the fact that there are people who live hypocritically attending the church should not hinder you from wholehearted service.  And just think of what a great example you can be to them!

On another note, perhaps we are all hypocrites at one time or another.  There are two definitions to the word hypocrite.  One is: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion.  And the second is: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.  In reality, there are times when we try to appear better than we are.  It can be subtle or overt.  It is a nasty thing for one to act is if they are a Christian when they are really not.  But we cannot put genuine believers on such a high pedestal that we expect them to never fail honor the Lord.  Really, who would hold themselves to that standard?  We are all in need of grace and mercy.

• "I just don't feel comfortable in church."  Of course I don't always feel comfortable in church.  It's not a bar (or a club) and it usually doesn't smell of stale cigarette smoke.  But since God is the One who tells me to meet with his people, this is going to be one of the first times I do what I believe is right rather than do what I feel.

When you meet with Christians, remember that these are your brothers and sisters.  You will be spending eternity with them.  

This place should not be like what you are "used to".  God should not be like what you are used to either.  God is holy and as his people we should be striving to live holy lives.  God doesn't want our life to look just like the life of a person who doesn't have his Spirit indwelling their heart.  God doesn't want our churches to be just like a place where the Spirit of God cannot abide.  And as the word holy is defined, our God is "exalted and worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness."

People who have struggled with addictions can be great blessings to the church.  They are open about their past struggles.  They know they are sinners, and they are usually willing to tell you the sins with which they presently struggle.  They want practical teaching.  They are real and down-to-earth.  Since they once wore masks and hid behind lies, they can usually tell when you are.  And they know they need Jesus."

He goes on to say that as we help someone who has struggled with addiction, we should "have a vision for some of the many gifts he will bring to the body of Christ."

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.  1 Peter 2:9-10

Want to read more on a similar topic?

Just for a day

They said what??!!

"I just don't feel like I need church"

"Is it ok that I'm wearing pants?"

Holding hands
Speak up
The difficulty of not getting what you expected
Stop looking for the "perfect church"
Whenever the doors are open we make a decision

Oh the drama! {writing prompt}

When the Holy Spirit prompts you to go way outside of your comfort zone, 
you may experience a battle between his glorious will and your self-focused fears.  
I know this, because it happened to me recently.

I will never forget the first time that I saw him.  I was in my car in the parking lot at Walmart.  I was about to pull out when I noticed him at a distance.  He was a tall man with long gray hair and a long gray beard to match.  At first it was his size that caught my attention, but the closer he came, the more I noticed other things...it looked as though he hadn't bathed in a long time.  Oh, I know sometimes guys show up at Walmart just after working hard on the job but this was different.  I couldn't seem to turn my attention from him, he looked so troubled and so lonely that couldn't help but wonder what life was like for him.  I could see the pain on his face.  That was the first time that I prayed for him.

After that, I saw him a few other times.  Usually it would be at a distance and at Walmart.  One time he was walking alone down a busy street.  Wherever it was, I always noticed him and I felt so sad for him.  And I would pray for his soul.  I wanted to talk to this man about Christ but how on earth was that going to happen?!  And why this one man when so many people (probably most of them don't look as troubled as he did) need Christ just as much as he does?  Why was I singling him out?  I don't know how else to explain it except to say that God singled him out to me.  But it wasn't until the other day that I would fully realize how true that was.

Brienne had her braces removed that morning and after her appointment I decided to have lunch with her at a Chinese restaurant.  It was very close to Walmart which was great because we would be going there afterwards.  This was her first time in this restaurant and she was pretty impressed with the buffet.  Although she didn't eat a lick of Chinese food!  That's ok, she enjoyed it.  

As I sat there eating lunch with her, the man with the long gray beard walked in!  He was seated just a few booths in front me and in my direct line of vision.  Of course, he immediately caught my attention.  He looked just the same as he had every other time before.  So in between bites and talking with Brienne, I observed that he was just sitting there drinking a cup of coffee and looking at things on the wall and watching the people all around him interact.  

Once again, my heart was stirred.  I began to think that I should somehow be a friend to this man.  But how?!  I started to rehearse in my mind how I would go about doing this.  I thought I would walk over to his table and introduce myself then I would simply ask him how he was doing.  And of course, in a situation like this and assuming it would be my only opportunity, I would somehow want to share the gospel with him.  Even if it was only one or two sentences worth.  The more I thought about what to do, the more my stomach twisted into knots.  Was I crazy?!   What woman just walks up to some guy's table and bothers him with her presence?  How unconventional!  My heart was suddenly engaged in battle. 

I thought, "All of these people here will notice what I'm doing.  What if he gets beligerent and embarrasses me?"  The more I thought about it the more afraid I felt.  I was already finished with my meal and Brienne was just finishing up with her chocolate ice cream.  Maybe I should just forget about it and leave.

But God wouldn't let me go that easily.  His Spirit seemed to whisper "Show this man love and compassion, be a friend, do not be afraid, I will help you."  I couldn't believe what I was about to do.  

Suddenly, Brienne popped up out of her seat and happily announced that she was finished and ready to go.  

"Not yet, Brienne.  Sit down for a minute please."

She sat down and waited to hear what I had to say.

My heart was pounding as I told her what had been going on in my mind for the past ten minutes or so.  "There is a man here (don't turn around and look) but there is someone here that I think God wants me to be a friend to and maybe share the gospel with.  I am really struggling about it and praying that God would make it clear to me that it's what he wants and that it's not some crazy idea of mine..........when I stand up to walk over to his table, I want you to follow me okay?"  

Her response and facial expression conveyed that she was 50% sure this was a good idea and 50% not so sure.  But, of course, she was willing to follow me.

About a minute later, I stood and walked over to his booth with Brienne following me.  It went just as I had planned on my end and he was friendly and welcomed us to sit at his table.  He seemed to be happy to have someone to talk to.  I asked him questions about himself.  

"Have you always lived around here?"

"Do you have any family in the area?"

He answered my questions and I listened intently.  

He said that he has lived here all his life.  He does not have a home.  He lives in the woods.  The only family he has is an aunt who is so ill that the past few times he has gone to her house she was unable to answer the door.  

He also said that he went to church growing up and when I asked if anyone has ever told him about Jesus Christ and has he ever heard the gospel?  He leaned back in the bench and looked more troubled than ever as he mustered an unconvincing "Yeah."  

I did share the gospel with him and it was just a few sentences.  I wanted more than anything for him to know and understand that life here is temporary and so I sought to provide hope with that reality.  I wanted him to hear and believe the most wonderful words that can ever be spoken...I told him "God loves you and he wants you to be with him forever.  He has made a way for you to be forgiven for all your sin through his Son, Jesus Christ."  

Even in this moment, I feared his reaction.  I dreaded the thought that he would see me as cold and calculating.  That he would think that I really didn't care about him at all and that all I cared about was passing on my "religion" and "proselytizing" him.  

In a sense, yes.  But in another sense, no.  I just know that it's a loving thing to do to sit and be friendly and to offer to pay for his meal, but if I leave it at that I have neglected an eternal purpose.  I recognize that we can end up on the end of either extreme.  Many times we can be so focused on meeting only physical needs and and on being friendly that we fear sharing the gospel will be too much like stepping on their toes.  The other extreme is to never really show genuine concern for someone, to never take the time to listen to them but to almost demand that they listen to you while you tell them what the Bible says.  Both are unbalanced and both are missing important aspects of truly loving people.  

Whenever I steered the conversation toward spiritual things, he would listen and he would answer me, but he would quickly change the subject and talk about random things like how expensive tarps are these days.  I wasn't sure if anything I was saying was getting through.

Toward the end of our conversation, he was leafing through the "Bridge" tract that I had given him earlier.  He said he would read it.  I hope that he does.  I told him that I would be praying for him and it really has not been difficult to keep my word because God has brought him to mind so often. 

As Brienne and I stood up to leave, he reached out his hand to shake mine.  I won't say I didn't notice how black his fingernails were.  But I tried not to pay them any mind.  I thought more about his soul.  The soul that I hoped would one day soon turn to God for cleansing and a hope that never dies.  I thought of the man before me that Christ can make new and whole.

When God transforms a life, it is the greatest drama to ever unfold with a plot that was planned before time even began.  It's a story far better than any fictional tale man can muster.  As God's people, we are so blessed to play a part in his eternal plan.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/bring-on-the-drama/

When you've had one of those days

Your trials can be like trails that lead to spiritual maturity.  But there are other 

paths that wind and twist and never seem to get you anywhere but lost.

I don't know about you but when I go through challenging times and difficult experiences in my life, I just want to get them over with.  I'm sure I'm not the only one to have one of those days that seem to go wrong from the very start.  And it often seems to happen when I am especially tired and feeling low on patience.

The kind of trials I am talking about are of the everyday sort.  Why is it that those kind can seem to be the hardest to endure?  I'm talking about the kind of day where not only are you struggling personally to have the right attitude about everything going on around you but you also have other little attitudes to correct and steer in the right direction.

And on top of these struggles there are also little mishaps that suddenly seem bigger than usual, like a cup that was accidentally knocked over, spilling sticky juice all over the freshly mopped floor.  Like the mud from the backyard that sticks into every crevice on the bottoms of sneakers and gets tracked into the house making you wonder why on earth white carpet was even invented!

It's one of those days when you are already running behind schedule (just pick a reason) and a child is struggling to understand a math concept and not only are they near tears but so are you.  There is also the toddler that seems to cry out as soon as you gain some traction with whatever you were trying to accomplish at that moment.  These are just a few of the things that challenge me on "one of those days" and they are usually accompanied by a pounding headache.

Oh, don't get me wrong and please don't feel sorry for me.  My days are not spent in misery and lamentation.  I have days where blessings and joy seem to be so abundant they overflow and if you lived in my house you would even hear me say "I am so blessed" as I shake my head and marvel at the goodness of God.  But some days, even when the blessings are still there, my joy is hiding out somewhere just waiting to be found.  If I am willing to search for it.

The question that plays over and over in my mind on days like that is "Why?"  Why are things so hard today?  Why can't I seem to get out of this slump?  I don't want to be grumpy and tired.  I want to be joyful, thankful and energetic.  It seemed almost effortless yesterday!  Why?

And I cried out to God and I ran to him, desperate for help because what woman wants to tear down her house brick by brick with a poor attitude?  It's amazing what you can accomplish in one day.  And even though I prayed, I still struggled, I felt as though I was slogging through mire all day long.  And I just kept praying and turning to the Lord.

You know that children's song that goes "I'm inright, outright, upright, downright happy all the time!"?  Well, I   have wondered on occasion if the writer of that song may have been exaggerating a bit.  I mean I love the hand motions and all the excitement of that song BUT... I'm not so sure that's an accurate description of the Christian life.  We do have so much to be glad about and thankful for but "Happy ALL the time"?

If you haven't noticed yet and no one has mentioned it to you, allow me to be the first.  The Christian life is hard.  It is a battle.  The desires of the flesh and Spirit are "opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."  Galatians 5:16-26  But we cannot give up the fight.  And God is with us to help us but we must turn to him ready and willing to take the steps he wants us to take.

I love this quote from a book I am reading called "Addictions" by Edward T. Welch:

"There is a mean streak to authentic self-control.  Underneath what seems to be the placid demeanor of those who are not ruled by their desires is the heart of a warrior.  Self-control is not for the timid.  When we want to grow in it, not only do we nurture an exuberance for Jesus Christ, we also demand a hatred for sin."

"Self-control" a fruit of the Spirit as well as joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness.  What mom wouldn't say that she desperately needs the grace to exhibit these beautiful qualities every day, in the privacy of her own home?  And it is through these trials that we experience along the way, that God leads us to a place where we can see how very much we need to change.  And even just realizing that is a victory in and of itself because it shows that we are at least growing in the right direction.  But just knowing about our struggles and our sin is not enough.  God has us go through these trials so that we will mature.  It requires our cooperation and our effort.  We cannot just stand by, passively, expecting God to do everything for us.  We cannot do it apart from his grace and our growth cannot happen without us taking part in the process.  

I am learning to respond to every little trial with prayer.  Once I get over all the emotions and the tears and pouring my heart out to God, I need to seek him.  I need to plead with him to "Search me and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"  Psalm 139:23-24   I need to remember that the trials that I face are for my good.  They are meant to mature me.  I need to take this verse to heart:

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  James 1:2-3

Each of us faces trials, sometimes daily, sometimes small yet significant, sometimes big and overwhelming, but whatever sort they are, they are meant to mature us.  As believers that should be something that we desire with all of our heart because we will increase in our knowledge and understanding of how to glorify and honor God more with the lives that he has given us.

And then I remind myself

Because God is my sovereign Lord, I was not worried. He manages perfectly, day and night, year in and year out, the movements of the stars, the wheeling of the planets, the staggering coordination of events that goes on at the molecular level in order to hold things together. There is no doubt that he can manage the timing of my days and weeks. 
                                                                                                    ~Elisabeth Elliot

Sometimes you just have to stop dead in your tracks and realize that worry is going to take you to a place where you don't want to go.  The sad part is that we think we have more control over a situation if we worry over it but we are forgetting that God is the only one who has complete control.

In my life right now there are so many changes coming up and I don't know exactly how God is going to work out every single detail.  I want to know but I don't.  I want to know that our house will sell soon and that our van will make it across the country without issue, but these are things that only God knows.  Only God and no one else.  And he will accomplish it all when he sees fit and not a moment sooner.  If it is in his plan that we wait, for reasons only known to him, I will have to remember that his plan is perfect.

And there is comfort in that, really there is!  Because he is leading me and directing my paths as I turn to him in trust.  It doesn't always come easily though.  There are those moments when I suddenly feel bombarded by thoughts that are faithless and doubtful.  Have you ever experienced that?

I was in my kitchen yesterday, chopping rosemary and kneading dough for our bread when I began to think of things that need to be accomplished.  I am constantly going through mental checklists.  I have written ones too, but when I am busy and don't have a sticky note handy, I do mental checklists.  It seems that no matter how much you do, there is always more to do.  Sometimes I feel like things are running along smoothly with life, other times I feel the temptation to worry because I don't know exactly how things are going to work out.  I don't know how God is going to solve this problem or that problem.  And when it's really tough, sometimes the questions pop up.  Is he really listening?  Will he help me with this?  And before long, I find myself worrying more and trusting less and less.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  Hebrews 11:1

It is then, that I have to remind myself of who God is.  That he is fully capable of accomplishing his sovereign will in my life.  And it is perfect and it is his plan, no matter how exactly it turns out.

Trusting really is a moment by moment thing.  We can seem to be doing so well at it one day but then really struggle the next.  We are tempted to doubt God's love and to doubt his goodness when things don't happen when we think they ought to.  It sounds so bad and sometimes we don't want to even admit it but if we take an honest look we might realize that we think it far too often.

Yesterday, I had to remind my soul to be still.  That nothing, no matter what crazy thing may happen, can separate me from God's love.  Nothing at all.  If my house doesn't sell, he loves me.  If my van doesn't make it, he loves me!  He has already shown me the greatest love possible by sending his Son to die for my sin.  How can I ever doubt him when things don't happen as I want them to?

The only way to resist the temptation to worry and doubt is to simply trust in the One who gave me life.  He "knit me together in my mother's womb", he sustains me and I am forever his.

I just needed to be reminded.

Thank you Lord, I love you.