I don't miss it {writing prompt}

I am sixteen and sitting in a chair in my parent's basement.  My step-dad was recently stationed with the Air Force in North Dakota.  I don't want to spend much time outside.  This freezing cold weather is quite a dramatic change from sunny California.

My grandmother had given us a typewriter and it inspires me to write.  I love the clacking sound that the keys make and the response of the metal-armed letters making their impressions through a ribbon of ink onto the paper.  The letters forming to make the words I need to say.  The words on the page are the deepest expression of my heart that I can muster.  I find that I am suddenly enjoying poetry as never before.  I delight in choosing words that rhyme and fit my message.  I am treading new ground and it is exhilarating!

> > > > > > > > > > > < < < < < < < < < < <

I kept many of those poems for years.  Recently, I actually chose to throw some of them away.  I remember being a teenager and wondering about my mom.  I wondered what she wasn't telling me about herself.  Were there things she would never want me to find?  Were there things that she threw away?  Things that were perhaps burned?

No matter how much I want to know my loved ones, there are just things that only God knows and that is best.  He can handle those things better than we can, can't he?

So I dug up those old poems in my attic.  I read them over again.  It wasn't easy to remember myself so utterly lost as I sat at that typewriter.  It grieves me that they are not "clean" enough to pass on to my children with pride.  Quite frankly, they are embarrassing.

I do try to be as open as possible with my kids.  But some things will always just be between me and God.  It's not for them to know.

But there are some things can be redeemed.  Some things can be learned from and serve as cautions and warnings.  Some things can serve to bring honor and glory to a merciful and amazingly gracious God.

One of my poems was called "What if I died tomorrow?"  Yes, death comes to us all and how could I not wonder about what that would mean for me.  I did not know if there was a God.  It would be the very thing that would bring me to tears in my adult life.  I did not know.  I experienced such inner turmoil over this.  I won't put the whole poem here but here are some of the words...

What if I died tomorrow?
What would there be?
Nothing to see, no more me.
What if I died tomorrow?

While I had questions and didn't really know what to believe, especially about God, I was certain of one thing: my death would be the end of me.  Sadly, that is what I thought.

It's all different now.  I have faith in my Jesus.  He conquered death for me.  His Word says that I will reign with him forever.  He has made me his own.  I have no doubt that when I die I will see his face.

And that will be a most precious sight to behold.  So precious it brings me to tears just to think of it.

I want to build a legacy with my family.  A legacy of truth, righteousness and beauty.  We cannot have these things apart from God though many often try.  I want to give my children every opportunity through Christ to not waste their youth on empty pursuits.  I want them to see that God is real and there is nothing better than living a life devoted to him.  I really mean it, there is NOTHING better.



Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/i-dont-miss-it/

[A note about my "anger" posts: I am planning to post a little more on the topic of anger.  Maybe a part three?  I think that there is more to clarify and consider.  I am studying it out and asking God to help me to understand what his Word says.  I think this is a rather touchy topic that is often misunderstood.  With that said, any input, correction or clarification from my readers would be appreciated.]