Inconvenient {a writing prompt}

Since July 3, 2013, our family has made two large rooms in a preschool our home.  I have lost count of how many times I have been asked where something is.  All I know is that it is to the point of brain exhaustion.  I have nine people in my family with two feet each and in the summer it wasn't so bad because we only had the occasional lost flip flop or sandal.  But then it got colder and socks were introduced.  People sometimes complain about their socks getting gobbled up by the "dryer monster" but I have had monsters lurking in every corner of all the rooms I have lived in for the past few months.

Why our family has such an issue with retaining matching socks is beyond me.  After moving here and being told by my children umpteen times that they could not find ANY socks whatsoever, I decided to give up on frugality and buy very large packages of socks at Target.  For every. single. one. of them.  It was liberating...for a while.  Now we have moved into a house.  Actually, we are still in the process of moving.  It saddens me and it causes me to shake my head in disbelief...but we have not been able to find one single pair of matching socks for my boys.  On Saturday evening, as we made preparations for church the next morning, I actually had to dig into my trusty "sock bag" (a bag containing all the socks that have lost their matches over the years) and find them socks that were at least the same color.  They also needed to be able to stretch over their feet...so what if those crew socks are a few sizes too small...they just became ankle socks!  Sometimes you just have to improvise, right?

That evening, as I sat exhausted in a chair (eight months pregnant and moving into a house have been an interesting combination) I watched my daughter Joelle walk up and down the stairs and all around the house as she searched for every item of clothing and every shoe for every child.  It took about an hour.  Sure, we had put all of our shoes together in boxes.  But why was it that all we could find for Brienne was one gold flat and one black high heel?  Mental exhaustion set in as I watched her on the hunt.

A friend mentioned on Facebook this weekend that "Prayer is more effective than panic".  Not being able to find things might sound like a small thing to some but I have felt that frustrating, uncomfortable feeling more times than I care to count in the past few months.  It's one thing when it's something of your own that you have misplaced or that you put into a "convenient" place where you would be able to find it yet you forgot where that place is.  It's another thing when everyone in the family looks to you as the "all knowing" one who somehow knows precisely where every single needed item is located.  Talk about pressure. ;)

True, sometimes I am pretty good at knowing exactly where things are.

"Oh, you're looking for your Bible?  It's right over there on the top shelf."  Imagine my big grin because I was able to direct someone to the thing they needed at that moment.  But now imagine me on Sunday morning when at first all was going well as I thought that everyone had what they needed but then as the questions begin to come from my husband a sudden burst of reality hits.  In my exhaustion from a busy Saturday of cleaning, packing and moving, I had forgotten to make sure that he had all of his necessary items in place.

Where were his shoes?  I knew that they had been conveniently set on top of a box so they would not be hard to find but where was that box?!  Was it still in the van?  And his belt?  I had absolutely NO idea about that one.  Yet I'm supposed to know.  I usually take great pains to not experience this kind of thing on Sunday morning.  But each day has brought me to the point of needing to just not move, and sometimes, a day full of thinking too much wears me out too.  So much planning, coordinating, strategizing, and figuring out when to do what and where to put what...it takes a lot of brain power.  Sometimes I forget, it takes prayer too.

Instead, I let it all get to me.  I felt the frustration welling up.  I felt inconvenienced by all this need to find things.  I felt tired of it all.  Sure, there are harder trials to go through but this was mine in all of it's frustrating, agonizing glory.  I envisioned a future day when every shoe would be neatly stored in it's caddy in the closet.  I dreamed of the day when socks would go directly into their drawers...maybe even in a special shoe box on the side of the drawer so that they won't get lost in the drawer...but no, I wasn't there yet.  I was here, in a house full of boxes, trying to find something that was lost again.

Amazing how we just know we shouldn't say certain things yet it feels almost like a dam is going to break loose and sometimes we let it.

What I said was sarcastic, it was how I felt in that moment, and I should have resisted the temptation to say it and instead thanked God for how good he is to me.

"I just love my life right now."

It was spoken somewhat toward my husband as I left the room.  He heard it, God heard it and I felt the remorse immediately afterward.

So many good things are happening in my life right now!  I have so much to thank God for and I have been doing that here and there but that morning I brought a little bit of ruin into it all.  I had my focus ALL wrong.  I wanted it to be known that I was SO tired of being inconvenienced with having to stop what I am doing to find things for people or to help them find things.  I just felt like I had to make it known.  Well, I did.  And I only felt worse.

Praise God that he forgives and he helps and that my husband is a gracious man who understands what I am going through and he also forgives.  I also praise God that through it all he disciplines me as loving Father and gives me the gusto to want to be the most organized woman on the face of the earth.  I know I have a lot to learn, I know that circumstances right now would throw even the most organized of women into a tizzy but again, I am just me...with all of my personal lessons to learn.

I can't wait to have everything in it's place (at least for the most part!).  I know things will still get lost from time to time but I also know it will be less and less if I have anything to say about it.

I can't wait to share with you all of the good things that God has done in providing a home for our family but that is for another post.  For now, you can just picture me in the perfect mixture of happily unpacking more of my dishes and clothes and...more than likely, trying to find something that someone needs.  That's just the way it is right now.  God is good.  :)


Linking up for the writing prompt here: ellenstumbo.com

Oh the drama! {writing prompt}

When the Holy Spirit prompts you to go way outside of your comfort zone, 
you may experience a battle between his glorious will and your self-focused fears.  
I know this, because it happened to me recently.

I will never forget the first time that I saw him.  I was in my car in the parking lot at Walmart.  I was about to pull out when I noticed him at a distance.  He was a tall man with long gray hair and a long gray beard to match.  At first it was his size that caught my attention, but the closer he came, the more I noticed other things...it looked as though he hadn't bathed in a long time.  Oh, I know sometimes guys show up at Walmart just after working hard on the job but this was different.  I couldn't seem to turn my attention from him, he looked so troubled and so lonely that couldn't help but wonder what life was like for him.  I could see the pain on his face.  That was the first time that I prayed for him.

After that, I saw him a few other times.  Usually it would be at a distance and at Walmart.  One time he was walking alone down a busy street.  Wherever it was, I always noticed him and I felt so sad for him.  And I would pray for his soul.  I wanted to talk to this man about Christ but how on earth was that going to happen?!  And why this one man when so many people (probably most of them don't look as troubled as he did) need Christ just as much as he does?  Why was I singling him out?  I don't know how else to explain it except to say that God singled him out to me.  But it wasn't until the other day that I would fully realize how true that was.

Brienne had her braces removed that morning and after her appointment I decided to have lunch with her at a Chinese restaurant.  It was very close to Walmart which was great because we would be going there afterwards.  This was her first time in this restaurant and she was pretty impressed with the buffet.  Although she didn't eat a lick of Chinese food!  That's ok, she enjoyed it.  

As I sat there eating lunch with her, the man with the long gray beard walked in!  He was seated just a few booths in front me and in my direct line of vision.  Of course, he immediately caught my attention.  He looked just the same as he had every other time before.  So in between bites and talking with Brienne, I observed that he was just sitting there drinking a cup of coffee and looking at things on the wall and watching the people all around him interact.  

Once again, my heart was stirred.  I began to think that I should somehow be a friend to this man.  But how?!  I started to rehearse in my mind how I would go about doing this.  I thought I would walk over to his table and introduce myself then I would simply ask him how he was doing.  And of course, in a situation like this and assuming it would be my only opportunity, I would somehow want to share the gospel with him.  Even if it was only one or two sentences worth.  The more I thought about what to do, the more my stomach twisted into knots.  Was I crazy?!   What woman just walks up to some guy's table and bothers him with her presence?  How unconventional!  My heart was suddenly engaged in battle. 

I thought, "All of these people here will notice what I'm doing.  What if he gets beligerent and embarrasses me?"  The more I thought about it the more afraid I felt.  I was already finished with my meal and Brienne was just finishing up with her chocolate ice cream.  Maybe I should just forget about it and leave.

But God wouldn't let me go that easily.  His Spirit seemed to whisper "Show this man love and compassion, be a friend, do not be afraid, I will help you."  I couldn't believe what I was about to do.  

Suddenly, Brienne popped up out of her seat and happily announced that she was finished and ready to go.  

"Not yet, Brienne.  Sit down for a minute please."

She sat down and waited to hear what I had to say.

My heart was pounding as I told her what had been going on in my mind for the past ten minutes or so.  "There is a man here (don't turn around and look) but there is someone here that I think God wants me to be a friend to and maybe share the gospel with.  I am really struggling about it and praying that God would make it clear to me that it's what he wants and that it's not some crazy idea of mine..........when I stand up to walk over to his table, I want you to follow me okay?"  

Her response and facial expression conveyed that she was 50% sure this was a good idea and 50% not so sure.  But, of course, she was willing to follow me.

About a minute later, I stood and walked over to his booth with Brienne following me.  It went just as I had planned on my end and he was friendly and welcomed us to sit at his table.  He seemed to be happy to have someone to talk to.  I asked him questions about himself.  

"Have you always lived around here?"

"Do you have any family in the area?"

He answered my questions and I listened intently.  

He said that he has lived here all his life.  He does not have a home.  He lives in the woods.  The only family he has is an aunt who is so ill that the past few times he has gone to her house she was unable to answer the door.  

He also said that he went to church growing up and when I asked if anyone has ever told him about Jesus Christ and has he ever heard the gospel?  He leaned back in the bench and looked more troubled than ever as he mustered an unconvincing "Yeah."  

I did share the gospel with him and it was just a few sentences.  I wanted more than anything for him to know and understand that life here is temporary and so I sought to provide hope with that reality.  I wanted him to hear and believe the most wonderful words that can ever be spoken...I told him "God loves you and he wants you to be with him forever.  He has made a way for you to be forgiven for all your sin through his Son, Jesus Christ."  

Even in this moment, I feared his reaction.  I dreaded the thought that he would see me as cold and calculating.  That he would think that I really didn't care about him at all and that all I cared about was passing on my "religion" and "proselytizing" him.  

In a sense, yes.  But in another sense, no.  I just know that it's a loving thing to do to sit and be friendly and to offer to pay for his meal, but if I leave it at that I have neglected an eternal purpose.  I recognize that we can end up on the end of either extreme.  Many times we can be so focused on meeting only physical needs and and on being friendly that we fear sharing the gospel will be too much like stepping on their toes.  The other extreme is to never really show genuine concern for someone, to never take the time to listen to them but to almost demand that they listen to you while you tell them what the Bible says.  Both are unbalanced and both are missing important aspects of truly loving people.  

Whenever I steered the conversation toward spiritual things, he would listen and he would answer me, but he would quickly change the subject and talk about random things like how expensive tarps are these days.  I wasn't sure if anything I was saying was getting through.

Toward the end of our conversation, he was leafing through the "Bridge" tract that I had given him earlier.  He said he would read it.  I hope that he does.  I told him that I would be praying for him and it really has not been difficult to keep my word because God has brought him to mind so often. 

As Brienne and I stood up to leave, he reached out his hand to shake mine.  I won't say I didn't notice how black his fingernails were.  But I tried not to pay them any mind.  I thought more about his soul.  The soul that I hoped would one day soon turn to God for cleansing and a hope that never dies.  I thought of the man before me that Christ can make new and whole.

When God transforms a life, it is the greatest drama to ever unfold with a plot that was planned before time even began.  It's a story far better than any fictional tale man can muster.  As God's people, we are so blessed to play a part in his eternal plan.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/bring-on-the-drama/

Different perspectives {writing prompt}

When I opened my email this week to see what the writing prompt was, a smile spread across my face.  I've been thinking a lot about "different perspectives" lately.  I've spent time reflecting on my own perspective toward things like parenting, schooling options, and the way that we do things in church and outside of church.  And I find that, though we can have a very strong stance on some of our preferences, what works for one may not work for another.  And it's usually when our perspective clashes with a perspective different from ours that we really have to evaluate our attitude about it.

One thing that can motivate pride in our hearts is that we have found something that works so well for us...shouldn't everybody else do it the same way?  We have found a great way to achieve what we believe to be God's best and others ways of doing things become second rate or even unacceptable.

I have to admit, I get a little uncomfortable when a new parent comes to me for parenting advice and I feel as if they think I am some sort of parenting guru and I know all of the right answers to every unique situation.  I have not faced every situation. I have been at this parenting thing for a while but I am not an expert, nor will you be.  I only know what I have done and the results that I have experienced.  But that is with my kids.  I fear that though some of the parenting philosophies out there have been helpful to some, other parents end up frustrated and feeling guilty because it's not working for them.  It's ok if one thing doesn't work, you can try another approach and not feel like you are a bad parent.  Read books, think, evaluate, pray and consider your personal situation.  What will work for you?  Of course, I am speaking on matters of preference.

Being in a big family has given me even more perspective than what I had before because I find that what worked with one child does not work with another.  How much more from family to family?

If something has worked well for me, I'll share it.  But I'll say "This is what I did/do"  and maybe they can try that if they are inclined.  But I am not going to put forth my way of doing things as the be all and end all in parenting.  I have to stay humble and remember that though I've learned much, there is still more to learn.  Each of us lives in a different context and stage of life.  Our personalities differ and so do the personalities of our children.

As for schooling?  There is much to consider and the decision shouldn't be made lightly.  There is a great need for parents to step up to the plate and make the discipleship of their children the primary focus.  But that does not always mean homeschooling.  Homeschooling is not even an option for some.  And it may not always be the best choice.  Homeschooling doesn't even guarantee discipleship.  Even with my kids with me all day I can still get too busy with life and neglect to disciple them.  I understand the public schools and even Christian schools pose their challenges but I really think we are putting our own limitation on God when we say that homeschooling is the only way.  "Public school" doesn't necessarily mean "bad" and "Christian school" doesn't necessarily mean "good" either.  Do your research and think and pray through your options carefully.  I could be wrong on this but I'm pretty sure that God leads people in different ways.  It's true that there are many parents who send their kids off to school and don't spend any time discipling them in the ways of the Lord.  But there are others who do.  Homeschooling is not the only way to live in obedience to Deuteronomy chapter six.  I am certainly not trying to discourage homeschooling.  I am just saying please be careful about developing a perspective that thinks that it is the only option.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our current context that we forget that there are other God-honoring ways of doing things.  I was just talking with a friend the other day about the way we used to think.  She went through a time in her life where she felt that the only way to be modest was to wear a long and full skirt.  Everywhere.  Even while skiing.  I can also remember a time in my past where I might not have been that serious about it but I was buying into the thinking that stresses that a skirt is the only way to be the most feminine and godly as possible.  I don't think so anymore.  I think that a woman can be very feminine and modest in pants.  And in many situations it is the most practical and comfortable thing to wear.  It is often when our perspective comes face to face with another that we begin to reevaluate things.

Recently, in a book I am reading, the author talked about "family integrated church".  This is a church that practices keeping their children with them in a church service.  They do not have nurseries and he spoke very negatively about them and the parents who use them.  He believes that the nursery is "one of the greatest crutches in the church".  He also said that "Parents who have neglected to train their children have very little encouragement to do so when there is a place to hide them." (Voddie Baucham Jr., Family Driven Faith, pg. 147)

Ok, I get it.  There are parents who are neglecting to train their children to sit still.  Some have seen the need for it but perhaps they don't think it is possible for one so little.  We are dealing with imperfect people here who need hope and encouragement that it is possible.  He gives that in the book but I found some of his words to be offensive.  From my perspective, I am someone who trains my children at home.  I am in a context where we do have a church nursery.  My child goes there and is lovingly cared for and I can focus on hearing the message that God has for me that day.  And I am not unspiritual, neglectful, or irresponsible for putting my child in a nursery.  I am also freeing others from the potential distraction that could come as a result of bringing my small babies/children in the service.

I am glad that family integration is working for some it definitely sounds like it has its benefits.  But that is one context among many.  There are people struggling with parenting.  There are parents who would not feel they could sit through a church service with their kids.  There are parents who are training them at home and it just so happens that the child is not "getting it" as quickly as another child did.  And there are so many occasions for pride if we are not careful.  This is ministry and we cannot cookie cut everyone.  Especially when there are people who have just come to Christ and just walked through the doors of the church.  Are we going to tell that struggling, needy for hope and encouragement mom that we do not have an place to care for her little ones while she listens to the Word of God?  I am sorry, but looking back to when that was my case I think I might have turned and ran.  It's going to take time, discipleship and God working in her heart to get anywhere close to having her children sit still through a service.  Shouldn't we consider her perspective?  There is much to appreciate and agree with in this book.  The importance of a strong family unit and taking ownership of discipling our kids.  But in different families, places and situations that doesn't always play out exactly the way we think it should.  (You can read another review on the book here: A little more perspective)

What about you?  Have you ever found that you have held to a strong perspective on something but another perspective made you think twice?

(About the photo above: Brienne and I are learning to play guitar together.  Fun!  My "HP" laptop died yesterday.  Not fun.  It seems we are never a two laptop family for long.  Thankfully, I can use my husband's laptop.  The thing is, the only pictures I have on here are of Brienne with her guitar.  It doesn't exactly have anything to do with this post but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! :)

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/different-perspectives/

Running {writing prompt}

[The cleanest and tidiest my kitchen has ever been was for this photograph...it doesn't look this way now!]

All of this packing, painting, cleaning, and moving things around can really wear a person out!  You've probably experienced it...when after you've been working hard all day long you decide to sit down for just a few minutes suddenly you feel as if you are glued to the chair!  It's not a very good feeling when you realize that you can barely move and maybe you could if only you had a little motivation.  There comes a point when your mind and body are exhausted and even though you know there is so much to do, you just don't know what to do next.

I love diving into things and tackling a project.  I love the satisfaction of improving things and making things look better.  The thing is, I get so "in the zone" with what needs to be done and I get so focused on seeing it accomplished that I might overlook other important things.  I can get so "Go, go, go!" and "Let's do it now" that I have a hard time setting aside the work to just enjoy life.

You know, it's that moment when it hits you that you have not hugged your oldest daughter in three days because she is rarely demanding attention.  And the thought occurs to you that she has been doing so much to help and you haven't even let her know how much you appreciate her.  I cannot get so wrapped up in the work I need to accomplish that I don't do that.

It's difficult for me to pull away from "work mode".  Even if it means going out for a bit and having some fun!  Thankfully, I have a husband who knows when I need to step away and who won't take "no" for an answer ;)   But my first reaction (in my mind) is to refuse to leave the house because I have to keep working!  I have a mental checklist in my mind of all the things I feel suddenly pressured to accomplish.  I know the time it takes.  But I also know that even though these things need to be done, I still have a husband who needs me to just stop, look into his eyes and slow down for a bit.  I have children who need me to tell them something else besides what to do next.  To laugh and enjoy their company and to take the time to teach them about God.  Isn't that the thing that we always move to the back-burner when we get busy?  For shame.  I let it go for a while, but enough was enough.  Thank you, Lord, for reminding me to slow down and get my priorities straight.

Things are flowing pretty smoothly at this point.  Just a few more things to do today and then it's pretty much back to normal.  Slowing down a bit will be good...at least for a little while.  :)


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/nina-runs-with-her-mama/

Someone that changed me {writing prompt}

It still fills me with wonder and awe to think of how a soul can turn from darkness to light.  How a person with all of their bad habits, and lifestyle choices can completely change and become someone new.

I shared it with a neighbor over the phone recently.  I explained how years ago I sat at my dining room table, so afraid of being lied to by a religion, so afraid that I was falling for something, not ready to accept it because I was not about to be duped into this stuff.

Yet I sat there reading the words of Christ.  I wanted to understand, I wanted to know.  Who is God?!

It was as if light flooded my dark soul and I turned to it to walk in it.  It was God.  He was showing me the way.  He was helping me to see clearly.  I knew in that moment that he would never lie to me.  Never.

How does this happen?  How does a person who is blind to what Christ has done for them suddenly begin to see?  God shows them.  It is his work in the human heart.  It is amazing how he does it.  How he softens hardened hearts and even gives us the grace to fully see our own ugliness inside.  Here's the thing, though.  He does it in the most loving way imaginable.  He is grieved and since he is a righteous and holy judge, our sin angers him too.  We have chosen ways that are ugly, dark, harmful and wicked.  We have chosen ways that hurt us and the people around us.  These ways are so far from who he is.  So far from his majesty, glory and light.  Yet, he loves.  And he reaches down in love to rescue us from our hopeless condition.

Whenever I think about what God did in my heart on that day that changed my life, I think about the people involved.  I remember their love too.  Two memories stand out to me and bring tears to my eyes when I think of them.  The first one is of my pastor's wife at that time.  I have a vivid memory of one of the first times we welcomed them into our home.  It was shortly after we began attending church for the first time.

We wanted to share our lives with them and our home.  And of course that meant we were sharing the lives that we had without Christ.  One of the things I had was a puzzle I had put together and framed.  It was this fairy lady and she was wearing all sorts of weird jewelry.  I remember she had some sort of skull image hanging from her ear.  Of course, nowadays I have no interest in hanging some fairy lady with skull images on my wall but at the time I thought it was pretty cool.  All I can say is that my pastor's wife had an attitude of love and respect toward me, even though I know that my beliefs and convictions were very different from hers.  She didn't make me fell less than.  I would see the beauty of her home, I would feel the warmth there and one day I would see that there were better things than skulls to decorate a home with!  But I do believe that her kindness in those moments was something that God used to change me.

The second thing that stands out to me from that time frame is when I shared my interest in psychology with my pastor.  I was so interested in how the human mind works and at one time I thought I would use my G.I. Bill to study it in college.  He said something like "I have a book you might like to read".  And he brought me a book written from a Christian perspective.  He didn't get into some argument with me about all the issues with secular psychology.  He just offered me an alternative.  Something better.

It wasn't much later that God revealed to my soul that there was something far better than anything I had ever known.  Something better than man's reasoning or man's imagination.  I saw the beauty of his ways, his commandments and his love.  I saw the beauty of who God is.  And in that moment I knew that nothing else would ever compare.


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/you-changed-me/

On my own terms {writing prompt}

It may happen to you at one time or another.  A person will seem to be avoiding you.  When you look their way, they look in the other direction.  When you walk toward them they quickly turn and go the other way.  Are you just imagining things?  You will wonder if you have offended them somehow.  You will begin to consider what you might have done that annoyed them.  You begin to imagine that you know what they are probably thinking.  But the truth is you are telling yourself stories.  You really do not know for certain what they are thinking.  You try to talk yourself out of feeling the way they are making you feel.  You come to the conclusion that you haven't done anything wrong so she must be the one with the issue.  The walls of defense gradually begin to erect themselves.  You think "Fine, if she wants to avoid me, I'll just avoid her."  Yes, it sounds so immature but that is your initial thought.  You think it's safer to keep your distance.  It's the easiest way to avoid those feelings of rejection.  

But then, something happens.  The Holy Spirit begins to soften your heart.  You realize that though that response would be easier and most comfortable, it is not the response that God wants.  You agree that it's petty, immature, unloving, and cowardly.  You whisper a prayer for strength and courage to do what goes against your natural instincts.  You conclude that you will pursue her.  Not in an annoying, you can't ever get away from me sort of way...but in an effort to extend yourself...to reach out to her...to love.  You decide that you will make the effort that she does not seem to want to make and you will see how she responds.  You do not plan to force yourself on her, you just plan to say "Hello, how are you?"  What's the worst thing that could happen, right?  You remind yourself that Christ himself was rejected by men.  He was perfect in love and in character and he always said and did the right thing...yet people rejected him.  He loved and people refused to accept his love.  He did great things for people and some were so careless they didn't take the time to thank him.  People will sin.  Every one of us. 

I have learned (and continue to learn) that loving my neighbor as myself means not giving them the treatment that they give me.  That often means that I will have to refuse to give in to my feelings and the way I naturally want to react to things.  I have to choose to obey God in those moments.  He has to be the one that I love most.  I have to know that the worst thing I can do is respond is the same manner as the other person...avoid, withdraw emotionally, act like nothing is wrong...these kinds of responses weaken our relationships.  It takes courage and hope in God to rise above that and to respond in his way.  Love others, even when it seems like they aren't loving you back...and see God working as relationships are being built and strengthened rather than being destroyed.

Jesus said...

"As you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.  If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same.  And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.  But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.  Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful."    

Luke 6:31-36

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/on-her-own-terms/

Being homesick {writing prompt}

When your dad is in the Air Force, staying in one place for very long is never a guarantee.  I was born in California.  In fact, I was born in Paradise.  That has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?

Well, it wasn't long before moving became something familiar to me.  Anticipating the new place we would live and settle into was a thrilling experience.  I have lived in a few different places in California.  But in between living there and then moving back again when I was eleven, my dad was stationed in Hawaii.

Many of my childhood memories are there:

~Frequent trips to the beach
~Sand in between my toes
~Lying in the wet, glorious sand as the tide rushed in and out
~Boogie boarding on the waves
~My dad trying his best to surf
~The taste of salt water on my lips
~The day I spent far too long out in the sun and could barely move because my sunburn was so bad.
~Snorkeling in the clear blue water of the Bay
~Laughing and playing with my sisters for hours.  It seemed like we were never in a hurry when we were at the beach.
~Building sand castles
~Delighting to see crabs pop their heads out of the sand to say hello...funny little things.
~The time we went to a "Luau" and saw what it was like to roast a pig in the ground.  We were still laughing and playing on the beach even after dark.
~When we weren't at the beach, we were playing in the pool in our back yard.  It was one of those pools with a hard plastic rim all around and a blue bottom.  Or my sisters and I would play in a sprinkler...or on the slip 'n' slide.  I was just telling a couple of my kids the other day how one time, we got creative and used a tarp and dish soap for a makeshift "Slip 'n' Slide".  We were water lovers for sure.  As far as I can remember, I spent most of my time in the water.  Sometimes, I would play for so long that my fingers would resemble prunes. :)
~My mom trying new things in the kitchen.  Like egg rolls...those were yummy!
~My mom and dad in a moment of bravery (or was it craziness?) attempting to skateboard (My dad has the Beta video to prove it)!
~Enjoying having my own room in the "Lanai" which was sort of like a screened in porch only with windows and shades.  I had a big bed out there and felt like a princess for a little while.  Having my own room was nice but I also enjoyed sharing a room with my sister.  I remember the excitement of decorating it together and making it our special place.  We had bunk beds that could come apart and be single beds if we wanted. We always enjoyed changing things around.  I'm still like that.  It's a happy feeling when the furniture is rearranged and everything seems fresh and new.  I'd move things around more now if I could.  But options are a little more limited these days. :)

As I said, when I was about eleven my family returned to California.  Suddenly there were billboards (Hawaii has none, good thing too) and milk and bread were cheaper.  I don't know why I remember that but I do.

There would still be some moving around for me.  I would attend three different high schools.  The last one was in North Dakota of all places.  And I just have to wonder what it feels like to be in one place for a long time.  What does it feel like to stay put and dig in your roots?

Come to think of it, I have actually lived in South Carolina for almost seven years.  But the thing is, we did not come here with the intent of staying long-term.  We came here to prepare for full-time ministry.  We have always wondered where God might send us.  And there have been many instances throughout this time period that we have simply come to the conclusion that HERE is where God wanted us to be.  And so we decided to "bloom where we were planted" knowing that it was beyond our control anyway.  God makes no mistakes.  He knows what he is doing.

Yet even though we have "bloomed" and we have made it our aim to serve God in the here and now, there is a longing to do what God has called us to do.  There is a desire to be in the place where all the preparation becomes practice.  There is a desire to dig in some roots and stay put for a while.

My family will soon be flying out to California again to candidate at a church.  And no matter what is decided, I am confident that God's plan for his people will continue to unfold as it has since the beginning of time.  We are ecstatic as we anticipate meeting our brothers and sisters in Christ all the way across the country.  We are excited about what God is doing.

Ultimately only God knows all the details.  The Christian knows that time on this earth is temporary.  That is the thread that should run through everything I do, no matter where I go.  I am here to serve God and in the big picture, I will not be here for long.

There is a place more wonderful than any place I have ever lived.  In fact, Jesus called it Paradise (Luke 23:43).  I have not been there yet and I don't know exactly what it looks like.  But the thing that makes it so wonderful is that God is there.  And I know that when I am there, I will truly be home to stay.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/being-homesick/

I don't miss it {writing prompt}

I am sixteen and sitting in a chair in my parent's basement.  My step-dad was recently stationed with the Air Force in North Dakota.  I don't want to spend much time outside.  This freezing cold weather is quite a dramatic change from sunny California.

My grandmother had given us a typewriter and it inspires me to write.  I love the clacking sound that the keys make and the response of the metal-armed letters making their impressions through a ribbon of ink onto the paper.  The letters forming to make the words I need to say.  The words on the page are the deepest expression of my heart that I can muster.  I find that I am suddenly enjoying poetry as never before.  I delight in choosing words that rhyme and fit my message.  I am treading new ground and it is exhilarating!

> > > > > > > > > > > < < < < < < < < < < <

I kept many of those poems for years.  Recently, I actually chose to throw some of them away.  I remember being a teenager and wondering about my mom.  I wondered what she wasn't telling me about herself.  Were there things she would never want me to find?  Were there things that she threw away?  Things that were perhaps burned?

No matter how much I want to know my loved ones, there are just things that only God knows and that is best.  He can handle those things better than we can, can't he?

So I dug up those old poems in my attic.  I read them over again.  It wasn't easy to remember myself so utterly lost as I sat at that typewriter.  It grieves me that they are not "clean" enough to pass on to my children with pride.  Quite frankly, they are embarrassing.

I do try to be as open as possible with my kids.  But some things will always just be between me and God.  It's not for them to know.

But there are some things can be redeemed.  Some things can be learned from and serve as cautions and warnings.  Some things can serve to bring honor and glory to a merciful and amazingly gracious God.

One of my poems was called "What if I died tomorrow?"  Yes, death comes to us all and how could I not wonder about what that would mean for me.  I did not know if there was a God.  It would be the very thing that would bring me to tears in my adult life.  I did not know.  I experienced such inner turmoil over this.  I won't put the whole poem here but here are some of the words...

What if I died tomorrow?
What would there be?
Nothing to see, no more me.
What if I died tomorrow?

While I had questions and didn't really know what to believe, especially about God, I was certain of one thing: my death would be the end of me.  Sadly, that is what I thought.

It's all different now.  I have faith in my Jesus.  He conquered death for me.  His Word says that I will reign with him forever.  He has made me his own.  I have no doubt that when I die I will see his face.

And that will be a most precious sight to behold.  So precious it brings me to tears just to think of it.

I want to build a legacy with my family.  A legacy of truth, righteousness and beauty.  We cannot have these things apart from God though many often try.  I want to give my children every opportunity through Christ to not waste their youth on empty pursuits.  I want them to see that God is real and there is nothing better than living a life devoted to him.  I really mean it, there is NOTHING better.



Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/i-dont-miss-it/

[A note about my "anger" posts: I am planning to post a little more on the topic of anger.  Maybe a part three?  I think that there is more to clarify and consider.  I am studying it out and asking God to help me to understand what his Word says.  I think this is a rather touchy topic that is often misunderstood.  With that said, any input, correction or clarification from my readers would be appreciated.]

Before I became a parent {writing prompt}

With the adorable voice of three year old, he blesses me.  Already, he knows the power of his words to make me smile and laugh from my heart.  

"Mom, you're the bestest mom and the bestest mom and the bestest mom ever!" 

He tries to get it all out as quick as he possibly can and with such happy intonation.  He smiles big after speaking such a full and meaningful sentence.  He wraps his little arms around whatever part of me he can reach and he squeezes tight.  The "bestest" three times over.  I wonder where he ever heard such an expression.  One day he just said it out of the blue and you have no idea how blessed I felt.

Yesterday, I sat holding him in my arms.  He curled up and nuzzled into me.  I probably kissed him a dozen times or more.  His little head, his hair so soft after a recent hair cut...irresistible!  His little hands and arms still so small and a little chubby...we played as I tickled him and he giggled and giggled.

It was blissful to me.  I didn't want to let him or that moment go.  This little boy is amazing.  His love is so sweet.  He often says the most adorable things and I sometimes wonder if I am going to melt right there on the spot.  

I never would have guessed that motherhood would have so much joy.  It's not all just tasks, trials, and tantrums.  It's wonderful to be a mother.  And to be loved by these amazing children.

Am I the bestest mom?  Probably not.  But I am the only mom he has.  And for that, I am so, so thankful. 

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/before-i-became-a-mom/

If you like, you can also read another post I wrote on this topic: Persevering in motherhood

If time stopped {writing prompt}

Any other moms out there make plans to do certain things as soon as the kids are all falling asleep in their beds?  That was me yesterday.  I had so many plans.  But it was only about five minutes after I sat down in the recliner to read that my eyelids felt like they weighed about ten pounds each.  I began a series of falling asleep reading a paragraph, and waking up to reread the same paragraph.  Have you ever tried in vain to keep your eyes open?  The desire was there but I just couldn't seem to do it.  

[ Joelle is reading this lately, I'm just a little jealous..;) ]

As sleepy as I was, I still felt a kind of sadness.  I miss the days when I would (could!) consume a book.  I miss getting beyond one paragraph.  Oh sure, sometimes in the middle of the day I will make an attempt to get a chapter in...and sometimes I am successful.  But then there are constant interruptions.  Children calling my name, children needing me, work that needs to be done...and it seems to call my name too...

I have so many things I want to do in the quiet hours of the night that it's often hard to decide which one!  I am enjoying the creative projects I am (slowly but surely) working on.  More on that later.  

But one thing that I really want to do more is read.  Not only because I enjoy it, but also because it helps on so many levels.  I want to grow in my understanding of so many things.  I want my mind to get more exercise!  I long to read those books that are collecting a little dust on our shelves.  Hopefully, in time, I will.

But for now, our own little story is being written.  And I don't want to miss a single line.

It's quite an adventure, let me tell you!

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/if-time-stopped/

Being real {writing prompt}

I love how comfortable I am with my family.  We do life together.  We are not afraid to let loose and be goofballs now and then.  With family, you don't have to worry too much about making impressions.

If you were a fly on our wall...we would swat you!...no seriously...if you were a fly on our wall you would see me attempting either a Scottish, British, or Irish accent (maybe a combination of all three) and failing miserably--to which Amera says "Umm, mom?" with an amused smirk on her face.  Of course, she does the same thing from time to time.  She's much better at it than I am though. ;)

Looking over the past week or so, I can think of a few occasions where we got together and had some good laughs.  I'm not sure I could describe it to you but it's usually something that either I or the children say that prompts my husband to find some humor in it and then when he teases us we erupt in laughter.  I probably couldn't explain exactly what it is but it's one of those things where you just have to be there.

Although, I could tell you about a time recently when we were riding home from church in our van.  I was excited about an idea I had for creating something, so I was telling Amera (sitting behind me) as well as my husband (who was driving) all about it.

Here's the thing.  When I get very excited about something I tend to get very expressive with my hands.  On this particular occasion, both Amera and my husband found it to be quite amusing that I was using my hands so much.  We laughed hysterically as my husband teased me by making exaggerated hand motions and then when I resumed describing my idea and I was still using my hands the laughter continued as he reached over with one arm and held my hands down.  More laughs as he suggested that I attempt to continue...without the help of my hands.  Not even kidding you, in that moment I could not get the words out!

I love times like this.  Just being a family and laughing with each other.

You might not see all the humor in what I'm sharing here and it wouldn't be easy for me to describe all of the things that we have a good crack up over.  Probably because there are just some things that are only funny if you're here...and part of this family.

I love this freedom we have with each other to just be ourselves.  It's like no other place in the world.  This is as real as it gets.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/being-real/

Walking in her shoes {writing prompt}

If by sharing the things that are hard to speak of and the things that are deeply regretted we can help even one soul to turn to God and choose the right path, it will be worth overcoming the fears and speaking up.

I know what it's like to be ignorant and not know any better, yet at the time think that you know it all.  ("Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34)  God has given us amazing minds that, sadly, think they are smarter than he is.  How proud we become about all the things we have thought of.

I'm thinking back to my young adult life.  Thinking back to all of my reasoning and analyzing.  When I thought that I had the answers for all of the world's problems...not even realizing how much the world had affected (infected?) my thinking.  I was so LOST without God's Word.  So utterly, hopelessly lost.  It makes me sad to think about it.  And now I cling to what he says because he is so right in a world full of wrong.  I keep a tight grip because people with all of their thoughts and ideas...well...they change.  They are proud like I was and they think they have it all figured out apart from God.

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."  They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good... Psalm 14:1

I shared yesterday on Facebook that I have been thinking a lot about abortion.  I've been thinking, not only about the millions of helpless babies that are having their lives taken from them, but also of the mothers (and fathers) who live with the pain and regret of having done this.  Yet, there is healing with God.  God forgives when we confess.  Have you experienced how freeing that is?

We may never hear another soul speak of having had an abortion.  But these women are all around us.  They need to know that God will forgive them and that his love will heal them.  

We have to be careful that we don't get proud in our thinking.  We cannot think we are somehow better because we haven't done such things.  It is only by God's grace that we have been spared from the choices, the pressures and the desperate circumstances that many women face.  They need to know God.  They need to trust him with every decision and trust that he forgives the choices they have made apart from him.

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, 
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways 
and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 6-9

I have not had an abortion.  But that is only because of God's mercy in my life.  I was a woman who once believed that abortion was a quick and easy solution to a "problem".  I even live with the pain of having advised a woman to make this choice.  How much more pain women must experience who have chosen to end the life of their own child?  I thank God that woman did not listen to me.  That would be an even greater grief to bear.  Why am I telling you all of this?  Why am I sharing these things that choke me up and make the tears well up as I am typing?

Because God is real.  My beliefs about him run deep.  It's not just that I am "religious" now.  It's not just that I "go to church" now.  God has changed my heart!  Completely!  I am praying with all my heart this morning that hearts would be turned to him and that women would see that abortion is not a solution.  It creates problems that cut deep into the heart and soul of a mother who once carried her baby within her own body.  It has profound consequences that will never be forgotten.

It grieves me to think of who I once was.  To think that I thought the way I did.  But I am also encouraged.  Because I know that God is powerful.  I know that he can take a rebellious and foolish people and show them the light and beauty of his Word...of himself.

May God change the hearts of a people made in his own image.  May they turn to him in genuine repentance and receive his mercy and forgiveness.

I know I needed it.

Desperately.

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So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.  Genesis 1:27

You shall not murder.  Exodus 20:13

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Psalm 127:3

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/walking-in-her-shoes/

Speak up {writing prompt}

Have you ever heard it said that "If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything"?  I can remember how much that quote resonated with me as a new believer.  I could look back over my life to that point and see that there was much that I had fallen for.  It's like that when the supposed truth only goes as far as your opinions.  You see, I had things that I stood for, but I didn't have an unchanging rock to cling to when the winds of change would blow my understanding of the world around me right out of the water.

I would pick and choose what suited me.  In one circumstance, something might seem very wrong but in a different circumstance...maybe not so much.  It was all up to me and what I thought about it at the time.  That is how it is when you answer to no one but yourself.  You can adjust the boundaries as you see fit and fool yourself into thinking you are doing just fine because you fit between the lines of your own making.

It became quite a different thing when I turned to Christ for salvation.  But not just that...you see, sometimes people stop there.  They think "Great, I'm going to heaven, now let me get back to 'my life'."  But that kind of thinking fails to acknowledge that Christ is Lord.

Lord...King...Master...Ruler of all.  He who is willing and able to save our souls from perishing apart from him forever deserves our allegiance.  If we have truly turned to him that means that we have realized that we have a problem with sin and the holy Lamb of God has the only remedy.

There is a definite change in our lives when we align ourselves with the truth.  No longer is it easy to just blend in, be silent and go with the flow of what others are doing and saying.  No longer should the boundaries be moved in order to suit our own comforts and desires.  No, all of that changes when Christ is Lord.  We then become a citizen of a new kingdom.  We live for him.  The way that we live will be different now that we have his spirit within us and his truth to guide us.  Those who have not yet pledged their allegiance will not understand our devotion and surrender.

And there will be times when many around us will sit in comfortable complacency and if we truly believe what God has spoken in his Word we will have to take a stand.  There will be times when silence is something we cannot afford to keep.  Times when we must be clear about what God has said because Satan has been very active in muddying the waters.  And the sobering truth compels us because we realize that if we don't stand up many will fall.

Take courage.  He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.  Be a willing vessel for the truth of God to shine.  Your surroundings may be dark but that is where the light of his Word will shine the brightest...if you are willing to take a stand.


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/speak-up/

At the end of the day {writing prompt}

Sometimes I wonder how many opportunities I miss.  When I am tired, when I want to be alone, when I just want quiet...

I spend the day with frequent interruptions into "my time"(Please notice the quote marks).  I may be in the bedroom, the bathroom, when I'm on the phone, when I'm on the computer, even when I'm not at home.  So often there are people in need.  Most of the time they are small children who have questions, or they have problems and need my help.  And this is what mommies do.  Yes, I know this is in my "job description".  But I am not always in the mood to fulfill the role.

Sometimes I am a bit irritable.  Sometimes internally stewing and thinking "What do they need now?"  Sometimes my frustration shows with an exasperated "What is it?"  And it's in those moments that I know I am not reflecting the love of God.

It think it is some sort of phenomenon that whenever I get even the slightest bit involved in an activity that requires concentrated thought, one of my children come to me and start asking questions.  Just when I think I have a perfect little opportunity to do something, because everyone else is occupied with other things, I seem to attract attention when I get involved in something.  It almost never fails.  And while I can teach my children to be considerate and mindful of others...I too need a dose of that love.

Sometimes, as a mom, a wife, and a servant of God I have to drop what I am doing.  I have to let go of my plans.  Even if they are things I need, like rest.

It amazes me when I read about Jesus and his disciples in Mark.  In the past couple of weeks, I have been thinking about the account in Mark 6:30-44 when the apostles had returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught as they had labored for God.  And Jesus said, "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while."  And we read that they were so busy that they hadn't even eaten yet!  So they were going away on a little boat ride to that desolate place...maybe thinking "Ahhhh sweet refreshment awaits!"  Time to just be alone and relax and reflect and regain energy.  Jesus knew they needed that and he knows we need it too.  But sometimes we don't get it in the way we plan to.

Many people saw them going away on the boat and ran ahead of them on foot.  Can you imagine reaching shore and finding thousands of people there waiting for you?  You know, it reminds me of opening a door and seeing a child standing there with a problem just for me to solve and I'm thinking "Really?, do we have to deal with this now?"  But the needs that faced them that day were many and they were great.

You know something wonderful though?  It is in this very context that Jesus teaches them a huge lesson about ministering to others and he miraculously feeds over five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fish.  It seems that just as they may have thought they had reached their limit, God had plans to do something amazing.  The apostles saw a bunch of people who needed to eat, but Jesus had compassion because they were like sheep without a shepherd.  He actually took the opportunity to teach them and he did not send them away as the apostles had suggested.

What an example for me to not get exasperated, impatient or irritable but to trust that God knows my need and he will meet it when he sees fit.  Sometimes I will have to exhaust myself in serving.  I shouldn't gripe about it.  Instead, I should recognize that God desires to work through me to minister to the needs he places before me.  And by his grace and strength I can do what he requires.

Lord, deepen my love for others.  Give me more compassion as Jesus had.  Help me to remember that you know more than anyone how much I need time alone and to trust that you will give it in your time.  Help me to labor for you with all that I am.


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/at-the-end-of-the-day/

Why I write {writing prompt}

My desire to write is very strong.  I daydream about it, I long for it, I look forward to it.  Putting my thoughts into words makes me happy.  

When at first I begin to form words with my pen or with clacking keys, I do not always know where I will end up.  At least, not at first.  But once I set out on the course, it's like a gate opens up for me.  It is so exciting to feel as though I am running through that gate toward my prize.  It is a feeling of victory as the words I am longing to communicate freely flow.

Each post, to me, is like a mini-masterpiece.  Not trying to sound boastful, just being honest.  Yes, I am sure that I make my share of grammatical mistakes and that my writing is not without it's flaws and annoying quirks.  I will probably never be considered an amazing writer or have an impact on the lives of thousands...but even just one life?  That is what keeps me going sometimes.

You see, for a large portion of my life I have influenced people in ways that were not good for them or for me.  It is something that grieves me now in very profound ways.  The choices that we make in life are a tremendous responsibility we must bear...whether we realize it or not.  Yes, there is forgiveness in Christ and yes, there is cleansing when we turn to him but the lives of others are influenced in ways that we cannot erase.

All that to say I have a passion for the truth to be made known.  The truth about who God is, what he has done and what he is doing.  And part of what he is doing, wonder of wonders, is actually within my very own heart.  Maybe, just maybe, something He has taught me will encourage someone else along the way.  

I really do enjoy writing (blogging) but it does take a level of sticktuitiveness (I think that's a word! ;) to keep at it.  It is a commitment.  Sometimes writing is not always like charging through the opened gate at full speed.  Sometimes I am nowhere near the gate and it takes days to figure out how to get there. 

It is only because I love writing and because I love to share my heart that I continue to keep my eyes open--searching for that gate and running as fast as I can when it opens up for me.  To me, that is one of the most amazing experiences ever.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/why-i-write/

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{P.S.  I really, really want to focus more on photography 

and have more fun with my camera.  I'm making plans...} ;)

When I see you smile {writing prompt}

 {Isabel with an empty chicken nugget box}

{Isabel with her socks}

{Isabel with a paper bag}

{Isabel wishing she could get her hands on the food and drinks!}

Dear Isabel, 

Remember the day when our family went out to get our Christmas tree?  We had lunch together at Chick-fil-A and you ate bits of french fries from the pocket in your bib.  You sat across from your big sister Amera who played with you and made you laugh.  You had pulled off both of your socks (sometimes I wonder why I bother putting anything on your feet!) and you waved them around in the air and chewed on them as you made happy baby noises.  Oh, Isabel I love being with you!  

After I had taken a bunch of pictures with my little point and shoot camera, I felt blessed to have captured so many of the sweet expressions of my happy little girl.  So, so very blessed.  Your smile is wonderful to me.

With all my love,

Mom

I'm a bit late for this one...but still linking up for the writing prompt here!: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/when-i-see-you-smile/

What really matters {writing prompt}

I am struggling to begin this.  Several sentences have been typed and then deleted.  Where do I begin?  How do I begin to explain my heart over what has happened in the past two weeks.  I fear that I cannot do it justice here.  But I will try...  

We spent the past two weeks with a church family in California in an effort to love them, preach God's word to them, to know them and to let them know us.  And even though God has determined that we will not be able to return there permanently, we feel so blessed that God knit our hearts together.  Brothers and sisters in Christ have a special bond.  That bond is Christ himself.  He has united us.  No matter where we are from, what we look like or how different we may be, we are one in Christ.  It's beautiful and precious.

While we were there and my husband passionately taught the people and preached to them from God's holy Word, I felt that there was nothing on earth I would rather be doing than listening to him preach the truth.  My heart felt so full of love for God and for his people.  I thought of all the times during the week that my husband gave me a hug and a kiss and went off to study and prepare to share God's message with them.  It was an honor to support him in his efforts in any way I could.  Every Sunday and Wednesday when I sat listening to him speak, I was cheering on every word and praying that God would use what was spoken to reach the hearts of his people, including me.  For we all need to be changed and bring more glory and honor to him in our lives.  That is what really matters most.  That is what I desire with all my heart.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/what-really-matters/