Don't sin when you're angry {marriage, part 2}

{You can read part one here: Don't sin when you're angry {marriage, part 1}

Be angry and do not sin; 

do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Ephesians 4:26

It often happens that the more we hear something repeated, the less we question it's validity.  I think most people have heard this verse and I am glad for that but I think that people have also misunderstood it.  It is often taken to mean that we don't dare go to sleep until we have resolved whatever issue we are facing.  A desire to resolve matters and come to an understanding is a noble desire.  But should we always attempt to resolve our difficulties and disagreements even if it keeps us up until 3am and we are exhausted and can hardly think straight?

First, this passage in Ephesians is not written specifically and only for the marriage relationship.  It applies to everyone.  Can everyone stay up all night trying to resolve their differences?  Should they?  

Do you know that there is wisdom in being silent at times?

There is a very similar verse to the one in Ephesians that is found in the Psalms. 

Be angry, and do not sin;

ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.

Psalm 4:4

What is our tendency when we are angry?  We bicker back and forth defending our position and expressing our frustration until things escalate and emotions are running high.  Maybe things don't necessarily escalate but you just find that you are getting nowhere.  I really don't think we need to feel like we have to have everything resolved before we go to sleep.  Sometimes it is better to "sleep on it" and plan to discuss it further the next day.  

How about praying?  Have you ever lovingly told your spouse that their concerns are very important to you (try not to say it through clenched teeth) and you will take them to heart?  Every couple has instances where they are just not seeing eye to eye on things.  It's ok to step away from the issue and get before God in prayer.  Your loved one may not want to let it go right then (I have been that "one") but you can assure them of your love and concern and also assure them that you will commit it to prayer.  Have you ever said "I just need some time to pray before we continue"?  

I had to learn this the hard way.  If I had learned this principle early on in my marriage it would have been a good thing :).  "Ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent."

And I add to that: PRAY.  Stop and pray.  Ask God for wisdom and help in the situation.  Ask him to open your eyes to see things from the other person's perspective.  

After praying, talk to your spouse and seek to understand what they are going through.  Each of us has unique situations going on in our lives that are contributing to our stress level.  We're all going through something.  Try to understand them.  This is hard to do when our first inclination is to focus on our selves and how we feel.

But if we are going to honor God in our relationships we must put our focus on loving God and others more.

"Don't let the sun go down on your anger."  Don't resolve in your mind that you are going to stay mad.  Instead, resolve that you will always take whatever steps you can toward reconciliation and forgiveness.  And remember that sometimes the best thing to do is sleep on it. :)