One thing that can motivate pride in our hearts is that we have found something that works so well for us...shouldn't everybody else do it the same way? We have found a great way to achieve what we believe to be God's best and others ways of doing things become second rate or even unacceptable.
I have to admit, I get a little uncomfortable when a new parent comes to me for parenting advice and I feel as if they think I am some sort of parenting guru and I know all of the right answers to every unique situation. I have not faced every situation. I have been at this parenting thing for a while but I am not an expert, nor will you be. I only know what I have done and the results that I have experienced. But that is with my kids. I fear that though some of the parenting philosophies out there have been helpful to some, other parents end up frustrated and feeling guilty because it's not working for them. It's ok if one thing doesn't work, you can try another approach and not feel like you are a bad parent. Read books, think, evaluate, pray and consider your personal situation. What will work for you? Of course, I am speaking on matters of preference.
Being in a big family has given me even more perspective than what I had before because I find that what worked with one child does not work with another. How much more from family to family?
If something has worked well for me, I'll share it. But I'll say "This is what I did/do" and maybe they can try that if they are inclined. But I am not going to put forth my way of doing things as the be all and end all in parenting. I have to stay humble and remember that though I've learned much, there is still more to learn. Each of us lives in a different context and stage of life. Our personalities differ and so do the personalities of our children.
As for schooling? There is much to consider and the decision shouldn't be made lightly. There is a great need for parents to step up to the plate and make the discipleship of their children the primary focus. But that does not always mean homeschooling. Homeschooling is not even an option for some. And it may not always be the best choice. Homeschooling doesn't even guarantee discipleship. Even with my kids with me all day I can still get too busy with life and neglect to disciple them. I understand the public schools and even Christian schools pose their challenges but I really think we are putting our own limitation on God when we say that homeschooling is the only way. "Public school" doesn't necessarily mean "bad" and "Christian school" doesn't necessarily mean "good" either. Do your research and think and pray through your options carefully. I could be wrong on this but I'm pretty sure that God leads people in different ways. It's true that there are many parents who send their kids off to school and don't spend any time discipling them in the ways of the Lord. But there are others who do. Homeschooling is not the only way to live in obedience to Deuteronomy chapter six. I am certainly not trying to discourage homeschooling. I am just saying please be careful about developing a perspective that thinks that it is the only option.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our current context that we forget that there are other God-honoring ways of doing things. I was just talking with a friend the other day about the way we used to think. She went through a time in her life where she felt that the only way to be modest was to wear a long and full skirt. Everywhere. Even while skiing. I can also remember a time in my past where I might not have been that serious about it but I was buying into the thinking that stresses that a skirt is the only way to be the most feminine and godly as possible. I don't think so anymore. I think that a woman can be very feminine and modest in pants. And in many situations it is the most practical and comfortable thing to wear. It is often when our perspective comes face to face with another that we begin to reevaluate things.
Recently, in a book I am reading, the author talked about "family integrated church". This is a church that practices keeping their children with them in a church service. They do not have nurseries and he spoke very negatively about them and the parents who use them. He believes that the nursery is "one of the greatest crutches in the church". He also said that "Parents who have neglected to train their children have very little encouragement to do so when there is a place to hide them." (Voddie Baucham Jr., Family Driven Faith, pg. 147)
Ok, I get it. There are parents who are neglecting to train their children to sit still. Some have seen the need for it but perhaps they don't think it is possible for one so little. We are dealing with imperfect people here who need hope and encouragement that it is possible. He gives that in the book but I found some of his words to be offensive. From my perspective, I am someone who trains my children at home. I am in a context where we do have a church nursery. My child goes there and is lovingly cared for and I can focus on hearing the message that God has for me that day. And I am not unspiritual, neglectful, or irresponsible for putting my child in a nursery. I am also freeing others from the potential distraction that could come as a result of bringing my small babies/children in the service.
I am glad that family integration is working for some it definitely sounds like it has its benefits. But that is one context among many. There are people struggling with parenting. There are parents who would not feel they could sit through a church service with their kids. There are parents who are training them at home and it just so happens that the child is not "getting it" as quickly as another child did. And there are so many occasions for pride if we are not careful. This is ministry and we cannot cookie cut everyone. Especially when there are people who have just come to Christ and just walked through the doors of the church. Are we going to tell that struggling, needy for hope and encouragement mom that we do not have an place to care for her little ones while she listens to the Word of God? I am sorry, but looking back to when that was my case I think I might have turned and ran. It's going to take time, discipleship and God working in her heart to get anywhere close to having her children sit still through a service. Shouldn't we consider her perspective? There is much to appreciate and agree with in this book. The importance of a strong family unit and taking ownership of discipling our kids. But in different families, places and situations that doesn't always play out exactly the way we think it should. (You can read another review on the book here: A little more perspective)
What about you? Have you ever found that you have held to a strong perspective on something but another perspective made you think twice?
(About the photo above: Brienne and I are learning to play guitar together. Fun! My "HP" laptop died yesterday. Not fun. It seems we are never a two laptop family for long. Thankfully, I can use my husband's laptop. The thing is, the only pictures I have on here are of Brienne with her guitar. It doesn't exactly have anything to do with this post but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! :)
Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/different-perspectives/
Oh yes I have been challenged to think twice many times! Sometimes, that helps me to hold on stronger to what I believe, and sometimes it makes me recognize how little importance some things have, and I make them a big deal.
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