11 years old, 6th grade
I can remember reflecting once on who I was in the junior high/high school era. Is there a word I could use to describe myself? There are so many labels we have for people, especially at that time in my life.
"Popular" "Nerdy" "Preppy" "Jock" "Punk" "Outcast"
I have never seemed to fit into any one category. In my mid high school years, I decided to go for the "dark" look. I died my long blonde hair a very dark color. I wore dark eyeliner and lipstick. That was great for a while, and I had a few friends who were into the same thing. But then my family moved from California to North Dakota. Yes, it was definitely "culture shock" for me. People up there thought I might be a witch, I certainly looked like one! They also thought that since I came from California that I was probably into surfing. No, I wasn't a "surfer" either.
8th grade
With my sister, Misty, 11th grade
It wasn't long before my desire to be "dark" was a passing phase. Honestly, that stage of my life did not define me. It was just me trying to identify with...something. I didn't know who I was. But when I came to North Dakota, I was even more of an oddball. I didn't have the support of my little group of "dark" friends anymore. I still wasn't fitting into any label.
Me with Amera at Fenway Park, 1999
After trusting Christ for my salvation, I struggled to feel like I was a part of this group too. I felt different than everyone else. I had walked dark paths and done things that some of these people would never dream of doing. I struggled to feel like I belonged. The story of my life. Some people might see it as a crutch or a weakness that I needed Christ. Well, they're right. Realizing I needed him is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Me with Joelle at church, 2001
As far as other Christians, I wanted relationships that were strong and fellowship that was deeper. True fellowship is centered around the commonality of our faith in Christ. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, I would feel so out of place, especially when that commonality was not expressed in interaction and conversation. I remember one time in particular. I stood there with a group of ladies at church, they were talking, I was mostly listening. I don't remember what it was about, but I just felt a terrible sense of not belonging. It wasn't their fault. I was struggling. I had felt it before.
When we got home, I shared my heart with my husband. I will never forget his words to me that day. He said "Marisha, you are accepted in the beloved." (Eph. 1:6) He reminded me that I belong to Christ. No matter what. I realized that even though I have a different past than others, I am not that person anymore. That person has died. "I am a new creation in Christ. Old things have passed away, all things have become new." (2 Cor. 5:17) I love that verse!
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live,
but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh
I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave
himself for me. Gal. 2:20
At home with Joelle and Brienne, 2004
I am also learning not to assume things about other people. The truth is, we don't always know what someone has been through. Maybe even as a Christian they have utterly failed to obey Christ and they are ashamed. Maybe they too have a difficult past that I am completely unaware of. Maybe they've been really hurt or hurt others. Maybe, by God's grace they have kept themselves pure and have walked faithfully with God. That is a very good thing and precious and should never be considered less fascinating. We all have such different stories. Yet, for those of us who are in Christ, we are one. We are his. We belong to him. That is what we all have in common, that is why we can have true fellowship.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free,
there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Gal. 3:28
I have often had a hard time with labels. Like "Baptist" for example. Yes, the Baptist distinctives are most in line with what I believe from the Bible, but am I necessarily a die-hard Baptist? Do you have to have this label to be a true Christian? I don't think so. But people want to have something to call me. Personally I like "Christ-follower" or "Bible-believing Christian". Those are good. They are eternal, unmistakable. I have been asked "So, what denomination are you?" I admit, I have felt a little discomfort with this question. I feel like the person is trying to fit me into a label and I have no control of what they think about that label. I know that if I say the word "Baptist" that all kinds of thoughts will run through their mind. It could be good or bad. I would often say "I go to a Baptist church..." And I would tack on "I just believe what the Bible says." I feel that to say "I'm a Baptist" is not the whole story. It is only a part of my faith. If there is a church with another label that preaches and teaches the truths of the Bible, then I should be able to fellowship there, whether they are "Baptist" or not.
...waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of
our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for
us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself
a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
Titus 2: 13-14
[re-posted from the archives of my former blog // dated 8.20.2012]
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