Sharing from my mama heart // On having children

During the school year, my daughter Amera helps a friend of ours minister at an elementary school with something called "Good News Club".  She does this every Thursday and two of her sisters go along with her to participate.  It's kind of funny, but for a long while many of the children there did not realize that she is a teenager who still lives at home with her family.  They were surprised to discover some other things as well.

Our Backyard Bible Club mostly consisted of "Good News Club" kids.  And since it was at "Miss Amera's" house, they had the opportunity to observe a few things about us.

One night during that week, a small group of children gathered around me by my back porch.  One girl started a conversation with me by asking me a question.  Hence, our little "interview" began.

The girl: Are you Amera's mom?
Me: Yes.
The girl: Who is your husband?
(Earlier they had been surprised when my husband spoke to them in Spanish)
Me: The one over there (I pointed) who spoke to you in Spanish.
(For some reason they seemed surprised again)
The group: Really?!
Me: (smiling) Yeah.
The girl: How many kids do you have?
Me: Seven
The girl: (gasp!)  How do you fit in this house?!
Me: Oh, we're squeezed in pretty tight, but we make it work.
The girl: Do you want to have more?
Me: Sure, if God wants to give them. (smiling)
The girl: (grinning, like she already knows the answer) And you would like it?
Me: Yeah, I would.

Her last question made me smile.  "And you would like it?"  As if to say "You mean you wouldn't consider it cruel and unnecessary punishment?"

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Since there would be no writing prompt this week (the blog host is on vacation) I decided to ask my husband to give me a word and I would write about it.  Right away he said "Freedom".  I thought about that word all day yesterday.  What does it mean to be free as a Christian, or as a citizen of the United States.  I researched some things and I looked up verses in my Bible.


This morning, as I thought on it more, I decided I wanted to share about a unique aspect of freedom that is deeply meaningful to me.  It is the freedom I have to trust God with the size of my family.  It's a freedom from worry, from fear and from trying to control my life. 


Oh, don't get me wrong.  It's not that I never, ever struggle to trust or that I am completely fearless about it all, but for the most part, I am trusting God with my life and it is so freeing to do that.


I realize this topic of family size can be a complicated issue and there are so many unique situations that people face.  Each person is accountable to God for their decisions and my husband and I are pretty confident that if my life were in danger we would have some serious talking to do. 


But that is not the case for us now and we want to allow the word of God to determine how we think about this.  We want to shed the pervasive influence of the culture around us (which constantly changes) and think biblically (which never changes).  We have also spoken to people who just wish they could go back and do things differently.  We are keenly aware of the fact that decisions can be made based on current feelings or concerns.  And so we take these things to heart...and we think "Wow!" this decision is one that matters for eternity.  We don't want to take it lightly.  

Whenever we have thought "Are we crazy?"  "Can we really handle another one?"  We ask ourselves some other questions too.  Like, "Why would we stop?"  Is it because of fear of what might be?  Will God give us grace and help like he promises?  Will he still provide?  If we are looking to his word for answers, we find it sufficient to help our thinking along.

My heart was stirred last night as I sat at my dining room table with my husband and children all around me.  My attention was focused on baby Isabel.  And would you like to know the thought that came to my mind as it so often does?

I am so blessed.  

Sometimes I feel surprised too.  Surprised at my own family and who we have become.  That I do like this.  No, I love this.  I am not being proud.  I am not saying I am better than anyone else because I have seven children. I know that God blesses us in different ways.  Sometimes with only one child, sometimes with none.   I am just saying that I love this.  This life God has given me.  This story that he is authoring...I am learning to be yielded to the plot he has written.  I am surprised that it is better than I could have ever imagined sixteen, ten, or even five years ago.  It is absolutely amazing to be a mother to seven.

I am so glad that instead of fear, we let trust and dependence on God influence our choices.

May it ever be so.

Learning to plan better and dealing with meltdowns

It was Thursday, the fourth day of our Backyard Bible Club.  We had one more day to go.  A few of us recalled how last year we concluded the week by inviting all the helpers to stay for ice cream and fellowship.  It's a wonderful opportunity for everyone to share about their experiences and what God taught them through the week.

Well...sometimes I wonder if caring for a baby uses up too many of my brain cells (ok, there could be other reasons ;) ...because I completely forgot to plan for this.  But it was such a blessing last year that we decided to be spontaneous...(that's a fancy way of saying "suddenly spring the idea on everyone") and send out an email at ten o'clock Thursday evening.  Everyone was asked to bring their favorite ice cream and hopefully it would all fit in our freezer!

For some reason, I kept thinking that things would run in a similar way to last year's club.  It seemed so simple in my mind.  Just put out the ice cream, everyone would serve themselves buffet style and then we would all sit down and talk.  I had this vision in my mind.  But for me, it was not to be.  I'll tell you why if you stay with me.  Here is what happened...

It was Friday evening, club helpers were taking all the children home and would soon be returning to join us for ice cream.  I prepared for their arrival as much as I could.  I moved dining room chairs to the living room for extra seating.   Several bowls and spoons were spread out on the table ready to be filled with ice cream.  The children, nine altogether (five were ours), played happily in the backyard.  Some of the adults were out there playing as well. 

Little did I know that in a few moments, the craziness would begin and I would sadly realize that maybe I hadn't planned very well for some things.

Like, oh let's say...what to do with the children!

Allow me to explain.  You see...my little living room was quickly filling up with all the club helpers (over 15 people) that we had invited over.  At the same time, some of the children who were contentedly playing outside were suddenly very concerned about missing out on the ice cream we were about to serve.  Don't worry they were not deprived.  They had actually already had some during the Club snack time.  Nevertheless, I would soon find out that most of them had gotten their hearts quite set on joining us.  And to think...I thought that they would just happily play out back and be oblivious to our little "ice cream social" in the house...NOT!  :)

I began to realize that the logistics this year were NOT the same as last year.  We had more helpers.  We had more children...including our six month old baby who needed someone to hold her and meet her needs.  Have I mentioned that it was getting a bit late?  And said children had been hot and sweaty all evening and were very much in need of baths and let me be blunt-BED!

It all started with the emotional trauma of being told that no, they were not going to have ice cream again because they already had some...and it's too much sugar right before bed...and just stay out here and play until we are finished...

Let's just say that didn't go over well.  The whole time this was unfolding I'm feeling the regret that we didn't have a better game plan.  I tried my best to quietly and quickly make this situation go smoothly.  All of the adults seemed to be happily chatting away in the living room and my husband was there and ready to lead them as they shared testimonies.  At that point, the children were being supervised by my oldest daughter and another helper while I got the ice cream ready to be served.  After unifying our thoughts on how to proceed the parents all agreed to serve the children a little ice cream...still outside mind you.  

I won't go into details over the drama with the ice cream ordeal but I was feeling stressed.  It wasn't long after the children were given ice cream bars that my two year old dropped some of his on the back porch step that he began to have a bit of a meltdown.  Literally.  My oldest daughter informed me of the situation.  She came inside to report it to me...and those were the exact words she used.  "Meltdown".  Oh dear.

In that moment, it became clear to me what I would have to do.  My son needed me.  Really he did.  In that moment, when everything else was happening in my living room, he needed me to help him.  I knew how I would be spending the next twenty minutes.  I would not be sitting and listening to testimonies of how God worked in and through our club helpers.  I would hear everyone laughing from the other end of the house and I'd wonder what was said.  I would hear the sounds of different voices but I couldn't make out their words.  I knew they were sharing and I knew that people were being blessed by it.  I also knew that I would later ask my husband to share it all with me.

What was I doing at the other end of the house?  I was giving my sweaty, sticky with ice cream, grumpy, tired boy with the tear stained cheeks a bath.  He needed it.  And he needed to be in bed.  Mommies just know these things.  And I confess it helped me keep my sanity and probably his too. ;)  

It doesn't always happen that way...me missing out on fellowship due to "mommy duty".  But sometimes it does.  I am learning to embrace it rather than resist it.  I really struggled with it in the past.  You know, being a total grump because my children are getting in the way of what I'm "supposed" to be doing.  Sometimes things will just be a little crazier than usual and I have to step up to the plate and help to make them less crazy.  Whatever it takes.  Sometimes that means missing out, sometimes that means dashed expectations--but God has a way of making it abundantly clear what we need to do and when we need to do it.

Later, as I sat with my husband and oldest daughter, Amera, we reflected on the evening's events.  We learned from it.  We felt regret that the children never did come inside and listen to all of the wonderful testimonies of how God worked.  It was like a "punch in the stomach" for me.  Honestly, even more than my missing it, I felt terrible that the children did.  I was so consumed with being stressed about my children and the time just flew away from me.  Part of me wonders why I didn't just bring all the children in the house and sit Manny on my lap...I think it just felt like too much to deal with at the time.  But, it is what it is.  I can't change it, I can only learn from it.  And this time, like me, they'll just have to hear it from someone who was there.

(By the way, these photos were not taken that night.  ;)  Manny and I had a little "photo session" the other day so that I could illustrate this post...just in case you were wondering.)

Holding Hands {Writing Prompt}

I watched them there in my backyard.  A long line of joined hands.  A hula hoop making its way down the line as each person maneuvered their body through it.  Some were tall and strong.  Some were very small and lacking confidence.  But all had one goal in mind.  All knew that the hula hoop must go from one end to the other, and they would have to work together to accomplish it.

Ministry is like that.  Hands joined together for a common goal.  Each person playing their part, each task essential to keep the hoop moving down the line.  No move is insignificant, no matter how unnoticed by others.  The Lord notices and it is all done for him.  Each of us are connected to one another.  The part that one plays affects the other.  And all are needed and important.  Not just the person to teach the Bible lesson or to lead in the games, but the person who labels the water cups and passes them out.  Or the person who escorts children to the restroom.  Even the person who sits on the "sidelines" and cheers the kids on or is simply available to talk to a child who needs some love or attention.  We are holding hands for the goal of ministering the gospel to them.

For "Backyard Bible Club" (<<link) some drove to homes to pick up children and sometimes more children were there than expected.  They wanted to come too.  Sometimes two trips had to be made.  Our helpers would drop the kids off in our yard and go back and get the others.  One evening, three girls arrived late only to find that they had completely missed the water games and the snack.  After club, as most of the other children were being taken home, a few of us worked together as fast as we could to fill some water balloons for them and give them a bit of fun.  It was a race against time, but we did it and we were able to take away some of the sadness of having missed out.

I'm thankful for those who joined hands with me this past week.  Helping with menial tasks like keeping my bathroom clean, sweeping and vacuuming my floor and helping with the dishes.  These things meant so much.

I'm thankful for hands that held baby Isabel and baby Havilah so that we could get out there in the heat and play along with the kids and so that I could take some photographs to remember it all.  

There were hands that gripped mine tightly.  A friend who sent more than one card to encourage me.  Assuring me that she was praying for me.  One of those cards came at just the right time for me, when I felt heavy pressure upon me from more than one source.  The assurance that she was praying for me and for the club, brought relief and comfort.  

There were hands that brought us meals.  One less thing to be concerned about meant all the world to me.  It was encouraging and kept me going.

And speaking of concerns...having a week long ministry does mean more expenses.  From the increase in the water bill (think: "Water Day") among other uses of water, and the fuel to transport children to and from our home.  These are things that I think most people don't think about.  But someone did.  I opened a card  to find encouraging words and some cash to help out with these expenses.  And I just thanked God.  I confess, I was a little "concerned" about these expenses at the beginning of the week.  But God knew all about it and he had it taken care of.  We just needed a brother and sister in Christ to hold hands with us.

I linked up here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/holding-hands-writing-prompt/

"Behind the scenes" at our Backyard Bible Club

This past week has been one of the busiest weeks of my life.  Our family hosted a "Backyard Bible Club", a ministry through our church.  Each evening, Monday through Friday, we had anywhere from 30 to 50 kids not only in our backyard, but using our bathroom (thanks for being an escort Sanna we couldn't have done it without you!) and riding to and from club in our 12 passenger "bus" (as well as in several other "club helper" vehicles). 

As I sit here thinking it over, I realize that there are so many directions I could take you in this post.  I could tell you about what an awesome privilege it is to have the life-giving message of the gospel being shared in your backyard every night of the week.  I could tell you about praying for God to work because you know that their lives could be forever changed by responding to its message.  

I could tell you about the high energy fun and excitement we had during the games.  Dozens of children smiling their biggest smiles and screaming their happiest screams.  On some nights it must have sounded like we had an amusement park in our backyard.  

Dear neighbors, we do apologize...especially for giving them whistles as prizes...trust us, we regretted that!  Lesson learned.  ;)

I could also tell you about all the fellowship we had with each other here and there.  We had time to just encourage each other and talk about our day...or share how we came to know Christ.  The moments we shared when we laughed hard or when we felt sad about a situation with one of the children.  We learned to work together as a team and look out for each others needs.

But I could also share with you the challenges that we faced.  The way that I described it to my husband is that I felt like we just brought a new baby home.   Everything seemed to be shaken up and turned upside down.  My schedule?  Ha!  It was completely unraveled.  Staying up later than usual (because you want some time together as a family after everyone goes home) and sleeping in (because you are flat out exhausted!) definitely took its toll.  

The first night, we barely managed to scarf down a peanut butter sandwich because I failed to time things well and suddenly it was time to leave and pick up children.  We timed things better on the other nights...but I just have to say I don't know what I would have done if a dear family from church had not brought us those meals!  It made life so much easier for us.  

Every day of the week was busy and active...just preparing to not have the evening available as we typically do.  All the children's baths had to be taken earlier...more cleaning and tidying than usual...and all after getting a late start to the day.  We tried to take relaxing breaks here and there to do things we enjoy....but not for too long!  I had the pressure of pacing myself.  

"Let's make sure the laundry is done!  Clean your rooms!  Vacuum the carpet!  People are coming over tonight!"  Go go go go go!  

You know how you feel when someone is coming over...you do your best to put everything in its place.  Well it was like that for five days in a row!  We all have a certain pace that we are accustomed to and this week increased our pace considerably.

That said, we enjoyed it.  We enjoyed all the excitement and fun.  We rejoice that a sweet girl trusted in Christ for salvation from her sin.  She was very eager to learn about God and we are so thankful for God's work in her heart.  

As for our son Javi, there are more words to say than I can say here now.  But suffice it to say, that after many months of him hearing the gospel and asking questions, he sat down next to me on the couch and told me that he asked God to forgive him for his sins.  He seems to understand the basic gist of the gospel (simple enough even for a child) and we are simply taking him at his word.  It is difficult to tell just how much he is wanting to gain our approval.  We are not backing our kids into a corner, we simply teach, share and wait on God to do the work.  We assure them that we love them no matter what and it's not like we treat them as more special if they profess to have faith in Christ.  So we will just continue to put the gospel before all of our children and pray for God to do the work in their hearts.  Only he truly knows what is inside.

So many memories were made this week.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

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I shared a bunch of pictures each night on Facebook.  I decided to pick a few favorites to share here on my blog.  

my husband showing and telling the kids how to play a game

Manny gets tickled by his big sis Amera

during song time

intensity!

The kids had fun playing while all the other club kids were being taken home.

a sweet moment as we tried to get Manny to smile for the camera

love this one of Joelle

She is my sunshine!  But not the only one!

This photo gives you at least some idea of what it was like on "Water Day"!  Ha!

It's amazing how much fun you can have with a hose and spray nozzle!

My sweet little boy...love him!

Lots of laughs during the puppet show/memory verse time

Sweet!

"Aaaaaargh yah maytees!"  Isabel certainly gave us a good chuckle!

Without a doubt, I'd do it again!

Remembering the weekend with gratitude

My heart is full of gratitude as I reflect on this past weekend.  To begin with, on Saturday morning we had our "Backyard Bible Club" team over to our house.  The children were so excited to have the house full of guests and we were excited too.  

Lots of smiles, encouraging words and laughter as we spent time together.  Nothing compares to Christian fellowship.  Especially when you're gearing up to serve Christ together.  It's wonderful.

Amera went with Josh and Amanda to invite the "Good News Club" kids, who were very excited to see them come to their houses.  Everyone else went around our neighborhood.  Except for me, a handful of kiddos (the youngest) and a sweet young lady who kept me company in the kitchen.  I baked oatmeal cookies and then overcame my slight intimidation with the charcoal grill and grilled some hot dogs.  It went really well (eventually) and the results were very rewarding. ;)  Nothing like charcoal grilled hot dogs!

We had some time of prayer and a sweet time of practicing our songs as Josh played guitar.  I loved it all!  Ok, maybe not the slightly panicked feelings I had as I questioned if I should have baked the cookies the day before rather than the day of...or when my foil covered grate on our little hibachi kept extinguishing the fire until finally I broke down and scrubbed it to make it fit for use (without foil!)...it all worked out in the end.  Do you ever question your timing on things and get in an internal tizzy?  Yup, I do that.  I'm much more relaxed than I used to be though, so there's always hope for improvement. :)

Father's Day was very basic at our house.  I think we just extended the same love we always do.  It was a busy Sunday following a busy Saturday so I just kept things simple.  We had a very edifying and encouraging time at church.  We enjoyed our new Sunday school class that consisted of an introduction to Philippians.  We look forward to learning more about "thinking spiritually so that we can live in a manner worthy of the gospel".  I put my reading through the Bible on hold for a while so that I can steep in Philippians.  I've been writing things in my journal, making charts and delighting in my happy discoveries of truth that it contains.

Sunday afternoon I shared with my husband and children how much I appreciate their dad.  That I am so thankful that he loves and fears God.  I am also thankful for how much he loves us and cares deeply for the spiritual welfare of our children.  We went around the table expressing our gratitude for him.  I thank God for his work in my husband's heart and life.  And I also thank God for his work in mine...teaching me that I ought to honor my husband more in the small, every day moments of life.  Being more of an encourager than a complainer and choosing to truly love in a godly way, even when it's hard.  

I am definitely learning to not stew so much about all the things I think my husband needs to change to be better.  Consider how much of an encouragement you can be if you look for the good things to praise and just watch how God uses that to encourage them to do better.  I know that often when I receive praise, I'm often thinking of where I need to improve.  It encourages and motivates me.  It's much more encouraging than simple getting a list of all the things I'm doing wrong.  If that's all we do, it can be oppressive.  Let's not forget to encourage our husbands!  

I found this little note stuck underneath a picture frame in the hallway.  

I nearly cried, the thoughtfulness of it just touched my heart so.

The Grand Finale!

Amera worked on shields and swords all day long!  

Her brother and sisters were very appreciative of her efforts!

  This was the night for dressing up like knights!  Since Javier had boxes at work that we could use to make costumes, I dropped him off at work and took the opportunity to get some much needed groceries afterwards.  The kids enjoyed having boxes to play in and made little "houses".  This has been quite an unusual week for our living room.  We kept "King Arthur" (the knight statue) in our living room during non club times.  We kept getting a little startled from time to time as we would think someone strange was standing there!  We all adjusted to having things a little out of the ordinary, but I must say the blessings of this week far surpassed any minor inconveniences we may have had.  We loved doing this!  And I know we wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

Anyone who came dressed up was in the costume contest.

This is the girl that won!!

Josh made his dramatic appearance just as Amanda and I were beginning to wonder where he was!

Knight?  Robot?  Transformer?  We weren't exactly sure, but he looked great!

Cross to the other side and don't get tagged!

Manny was dubbed "The Hawaiian Knight"!

Clara was a princess among a multitude of knights!

   The kids were delighted to have a chance to strum on Josh's guitar while he played the chords and sang "Jesus Loves Me", "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", or "Happy Birthday".  

Amanda reviewed the Armor of God from Ephesians 6, and went over practical ways in which we use it.

Pause.  Insert sweet mother-daughter moment...ok moving on!  : )

The children who brought at least two visitors won the opportunity to pick a leader and 

PIE THEM!!

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   We are so thankful to each and every one of our helpers this week, who all contributed to this club in their own special ways.  We learned from you.  We saw ministry in action and we have been blessed by your example.  Thank you for helping to make this such an amazing week!

May God bless you all!