When I was growing up, I really had no idea who Jesus was. I didn’t know much about the Bible, and I wasn’t even sure if God existed. Sometimes I wondered about Him though. I wondered if He was real. I had so many questions. With so many beliefs out there, how was I to know which one was right?
When I as 17, I joined the Air Force (<<mouse over to click link). In boot camp I think I was the only person that did not go to church on Sunday. Of course not everyone went for the right reasons, some just wanted to get out of the dorm, but as for me-I thought if there is a God, I don’t know Him and He doesn’t know me—why go to church? I stayed in the dorm by myself.
In our first year of marriage, I gave birth to our first child. Though I was a wife and mother and starting a family, I really had no idea what I was doing. I really only cared about myself. I used to constantly watch music videos of the most impure, unlovely variety and my little girl was watching them too. One day when she was about three years old, she repeated the profane words from a music video. Suddenly, I was appalled. Looking back I can see that this is one of the things that God used to wake me up to my sin.
It was around this time that we were living in Missouri. My husband and I had served our four years at Holloman AFB, NM. We moved to Missouri when he got a job there. We decided that I would be a stay at home mom. Javier was very busy with work and college courses with “Electronics Institute”. I really didn’t know anyone and I was very lonely. Javier also had to travel a lot for work, sometimes 2 to 3 weeks at a time. It was during this time that my questions about God began to surface again.
There were many times when I would be upset at what I did not understand. If the word “God” ever came up, I would be in tears. I really struggled with what to believe about Him. It bothered me. I remember one time I was at home watching TV and a commercial came on about feeding the poor. The song “Jesus loves the little children” played during the commercial. As soon as the commercial was finished I said “Yeah, right!” and changed the channel. I was such a scoffer. I despised what I couldn’t understand. I was frustrated. I turned to Javier with my questions, he was unable to answer them as he himself did not know God in a personal and intimate way.
Amazingly, it seems that just as we were questioning what to do next, we found an invitation on our door. It was an invitation to the “Grand Opening” of a church in our town. To us, me especially, this meant I wouldn’t be the only newbie. I wouldn’t be looked down upon because I had never been to church before. This was a golden opportunity for me!
Amazingly, it seems that just as we were questioning what to do next, we found an invitation on our door. It was an invitation to the “Grand Opening” of a church in our town. To us, me especially, this meant I wouldn’t be the only newbie. I wouldn’t be looked down upon because I had never been to church before. This was a golden opportunity for me!
God was definitely working and He knew exactly what I needed. I marvel at how He used the “Grand Opening” to get me to go. Actually we were the only “newbies”, it was a core group of believers from a church plant, that were meeting for the first time in their new location-an elementary school. But we didn’t need a fancy church building to impress us, we needed Christ. We searched our closets for the most decent clothes we could find and went to church for the first time.
We walked into the cafeteria and we were greeted there by people who loved God and who showed His love to us in a way that amazed us. People who were attentive to our needs, who really seemed to care, who welcomed us. Little gestures that might seem so small but meant so much. Our hearts were so touched after spending one Sunday morning with this sweet family of believers, that as we sat in the parking lot afterwards, we felt ashamed to even light our cigarettes.
The next morning my husband came downstairs to find me smoking in the kitchen and he said “Let’s quit” and I said “OK!” and put it out. I haven’t smoked since. God was beginning to show us some of His beauty and this was the first of many things that I needed His grace in my heart to get rid of. I had tried many times before, but always went back to it.
We walked into the cafeteria and we were greeted there by people who loved God and who showed His love to us in a way that amazed us. People who were attentive to our needs, who really seemed to care, who welcomed us. Little gestures that might seem so small but meant so much. Our hearts were so touched after spending one Sunday morning with this sweet family of believers, that as we sat in the parking lot afterwards, we felt ashamed to even light our cigarettes.
The next morning my husband came downstairs to find me smoking in the kitchen and he said “Let’s quit” and I said “OK!” and put it out. I haven’t smoked since. God was beginning to show us some of His beauty and this was the first of many things that I needed His grace in my heart to get rid of. I had tried many times before, but always went back to it.
We continued going to church on Sundays, and our pastor and his wife spent time with us in our home opening the Bible with us. I still remember going to Barnes & Noble to get two gift Bibles for us. I remember feeling embarrassed sitting next to my pastor’s wife and opening it as the pages stuck together around the edges. The only thing I knew about the Bible was a little bit from Genesis. Oh well, you’ve got to start somewhere!
About a month after that first Sunday in church my husband was speaking with our pastor in our home. Javier had thought that he knew Jesus, but realized that he only knew about Him and did not know Him personally as His very own Lord and Savior. He trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of his sins that day. He knew it would be hard to tell me. I did not understand these things yet. I remember when he tried to explain it to me, and he told me that he got “saved”, I really did not understand what was going on. I soon began to see changes in him. I remember one instance, I was watching a program on TV, he had watched it with me before with no problems, now he was visibly grieved over it and asked me not to watch it. I was stunned! But amazingly I didn’t mind, I was beginning to see that there was something better to life.
We continued going to church and meeting with our pastor. We learned more and more from the Bible. We read the words of Jesus in the Gospels. The claims that Jesus made about Himself were amazing to me. He spoke with such authority! God was beginning to show me that the truth I had been searching for was found in His Word, the Bible.
I will never forget the day I surrendered to the lordship of Christ. As I read His words, it became clear to me that I was not being lied to. This was something I was very concerned about. I was on guard against falling for some religious scheme. God helped me to see that His Word is truth and that He is misunderstood by many supposedly religious people who twist His Word. I wept as He revealed this to me. I remember looking down at the words in my Bible, becoming convinced that God is good and He would never lie to me, but realizing that some religious groups do lie and I said through my tears, “It’s all here (pointing to my Bible), why are so many different things being said about God?” The fact that people say so many different things about God was a point of difficulty for me. But now I was reading what God says about Himself.
I finally gave up my fears and doubts and came to Him. Trusting and believing that Jesus had paid the price for my sin when He died for me. I realized that I had offended a God who is perfect in love and goodness. I was so sorry. He has forgiven me so freely because Christ bore the wrath.
Now I serve my Lord and Savior with my life. I’m never perfect and I often fail but I when I fall I get back up again and ask for His abundant grace to help me change and grow so that I may serve Him better.
