So much to learn

As a new believer, I remember how panicked I felt when I thought of teaching my children the Bible.  I looked around me and saw other parents who had grown up in the faith and I felt tremendously inadequate.  These parents knew the Old Testament accounts.  They could probably tell them in their sleep!  I knew nothing!  I wondered how I was going to teach my children from such an empty well of knowledge.

It wasn't long before I realized that I would need to learn and then teach.  And not only that, sometimes I would learn right along with them.  It still happens even today.  There is so much that I am learning and so much I have yet to learn.  Yes, I am a mother of eight.  Yes, I am a pastor's wife.  But I am still learning.  Every.single.day.

Not all learning is filling your head with knowledge, although that is part of it.  Much of what we need to learn is in the lived out moments that we experience every day.  Sometimes we feel a measure of success as we evaluate our progress in living out our faith.  I have written many times about such things here on this blog.  But there is also the very real, nitty gritty, hard stuff that we don't really like to talk about.  The areas where we know we lack yet we feel as though we should be beyond it by now.  But you know what?  There is grace.  I am so thankful for grace when it comes to my shortcomings.  Without it, I would be completely undone.

You see, when I read in John 13 of my Lord Jesus tying a towel around his waist to wash the dirty feet of those who would forsake, deny and betray...I see my shortcomings bold and plain.  What kind of servant am I, if I love only those who love me?  What kind of servant am I, if I pick and choose whom I will be gracious to and purposefully avoid some?  What kind of servant am I, if I do not freely give as even I have been freely given to?  I am keenly aware of my need to grow as a servant.  Not only to be like my Lord but I am also learning from the example of others in the family of God.

Can I tell you what this family has shown me?  I have seen people who are very concerned about what needs there are and they seek to meet them with the resources that God has provided.  People who take time out of their personal schedule to help someone else.  People who are inconvenienced so that someone else can benefit.  I have seen sacrifices of time, money, and the choice to love in difficult situations.  I have been blessed to the point of tears by how loving and caring this church family is.

And you know what?  They are teaching me too.  How can a person not be taught by someone who offers to help and is willing to do whatever they can with the hands and the strength that God has given them?  How can a person not be taught by someone who drops by to bring you something special and brighten your day?  How can you not be taught by a mom who is very busy with her own kids yet she brings you a meal?  How can you not be taught something of the precious beauty of sacrificial giving when a woman places a gift in your pocket and tears are in her eyes.  And it's not long before tears well up in yours because you know that it is the Spirit of God that prompts such giving.  And in every instance it is the hands being used of God to reach out to someone else.  To meet needs, to bless, and as I am realizing, to teach.

Have you ever learned from the example of someone else?  How is your life teaching others to be more like Jesus?

From a shaky start to a firm resolve {my marriage story}

A shaky start...
There I was, seventeen and fresh out of boot camp and several weeks of Tech. school.  I had joined the Air Force because it was all I had ever known and all I thought I would be able to do at that time in my life.  It got me out on my own and it got me out of North Dakota where I had spent my last two years of high school, freezing like never before and wondering what to do with my life.

I met my husband in a room full of chairs and a handful of young airmen in uniform.  We were there for "in processing" to our base.  We had both been stationed in New Mexico.

Things happened very fast for us.  And you know, it's funny how a person can think they are having so much fun with their lifestyle and yet later consider it a period of darkness.  But that is how I view those early days.  Sure, there were glimmers of light but much was missing and there were holes that only God could fill and torn places that only God could mend.  I love my husband and I am glad for God's transforming power in his life.  But I shudder to think of where we would be if God had not intervened.  And not just because of my husband, but because of me.

It was a long time before I could even refer to those early days when we met without cringing and without not even wanting to talk about it.  It was inevitable, someone would ask the question  "So...how did you meet?" and my soul was in turmoil.  I struggled between wanting to be completely honest with our new Christian friends and yet knew I had to just keep it light most of the time.  We had just come out of a different culture with a completely different set of rules.  Most of them were made up as we went along.  I knew that not everyone wanted to hear unpleasant details of how godless we were.  I felt like a war veteran returning home from a hard battle.  Everything was supposed to be "normal" now yet I had seen too much.  I had experienced things that I would not dare to attempt to put into words and most of them were by choice.  It would take time and healing to get over it.  It would take the grace of God and the understanding that his love is deep, constant and sure.

You know, I see these articles online that talk about choosing a husband and all of the things to look for.  They talk about making a list of all the qualities that are important to you and not forgetting it all when a cute guy is flattering you and you're tempted to lose your resolve.  Would you believe me if I told you that one of the first questions I asked my husband a little while after we had met was "Are you religious?"  And I wasn't asking because I was hoping he was.  I was glad when he said no.  Honestly, I couldn't have really defined "religious" except that I knew it had to do with God.  And I had nothing whatsoever to do with God.  And so, check that one off, we had a match.

The "live and let die" mentality that I had saddens me now.  What a pointless existence.  Even when I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, I was really just confused and walking on shaky ground.

As my husband tells the story "We met in December, I proposed in February, and we were married in April."  Yeah, it happened fast.  He told me that he loved me after only two weeks.  It wasn't mutual,  I thought he was crazy.  He tried so hard to impress me, I thought he was showing off and almost broke up with him.  Almost.

When it came time for us to be married, for some strange reason I thought it should be in a church setting.  I told you I was confused.  Well, the chaplain had us take a compatibility test and it revealed that we had some very different backgrounds and ideas concerning God.  As we sat in the chaplain's office he handed me a sheet of paper so that I could read what he would say in a typical wedding and he said to me "I don't think you'd be comfortable with this."  And he was right.  There I was, in tears in his office.  Confused and wavering.

That was me when it came to my thoughts, my decisions and my life.  Just wavering.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  You try to act like you're ok, but you're not.  There are things about your life that look normal and healthy on the surface but inside you are full of darkness and emptiness.  And the sad part is that most of the time you don't even know it.  Most of the time you can get by ignoring it and think everything in your life is just fine that way it is.  Until God's light begins to shine in and helps you to truly see.

A firm resolve...
So here I am, 37 years old.  I'm thankful for God's grace.  I'm thankful that my husband and I have submitted our lives to Christ.  I wasn't careful enough but God was so merciful.  I know it doesn't always happen this way.  Those of us who know Christ cannot just take plunges in life and simply hope that everything turns out ok in the end.  We have to make careful, discerning and wise decisions when it comes to who we will spend our lives with.

I tell my children that I love their dad.  I love that he fears God.  I love that he is a hard worker and that pleasing God is so important to him.  I love that he takes good care of me.  I love that he loves them.  That he laughs and plays with them and best of all teaches them the Word of God.  This is all God's work in his life.  I don't want to take it for granted.  And I want them to see how important it is for a person to have these qualities.

You see, because cute guys who tell you what you want to hear will only last for so long.  The trials will come, the important decisions in life will need to be made and you can't get by with just his good looks and his sense of humor (although admittedly, they do help).  You want a man of firm conviction and integrity.  A man who will do what is right when no one else is looking.  A man who lives his life to please God and not himself.

Seek the Lord and choose wisely girls.  You won't find perfection but a man who loves God above all else and desires to know him more is where it starts.  And not just for them but for you.

Excuses we give for not going to church

There is nothing quite like reading on a rainy day.  Especially when you read something you really appreciate.  I want to share an excerpt from the book I am reading titled "Addictions" by Edward T. Welch.  

Before I do though, let me just say that a part of me wishes that this book had a different title because I think that many people might see that title and not pick it up since they don't drink or do drugs.  But the wisdom contained in this book applies to every believer.  As the author says: "The thing that drives addictions can be found in every human heart.  For example, we all have had experience with unruly desires that don't take no for an answer."  The good news is that for those who have placed their faith in Christ, there is always the possibility of escape from those temptations because our ever-faithful God stands ready to help us. (1 Cor. 10:13)

With that said, on to the excerpt.  This is from a chapter toward the end of the book titled "Being Part of the Body".  He covers some common reasons why people avoid going to church and meeting with God's people.  (The author's words will be in bold and all other comments are mine.) 

"The local church is the prominent means by which God gives grace to us.  It is an imperfect group that meets together for worship, teaching, prayer and fellowship.  There is no question that every local church can be critiqued for a number of reasons, and if you struggle with addictions, you will probably see many weaknesses immediately.  This should make it that much more attractive, because it says that God welcomes imperfect people and he has purposes for them.

One of the basic principles in AA is that if you don't want to go to a meeting, then you must go to a meeting.  A similar principle exists for the church, except God himself has determined that we should meet with each other (Heb. 10:25).  If you feel like you don't want to be with God's people in the church, then you must go to church.

What are some of your rationalizations for not meeting with God's people?

• "They don't understand."
• "I don't fit in there."
• "They are a bunch of hypocrites."
• "I just don't feel comfortable in church."

Be alert.  This is warfare in progress.  Satan starts with a kernel of truth (there is some truth in most rationalizations), and he uses it to hurt you.  Be on guard against these lies and be prepared to combat them.

• "They don't understand."  Yes, they may not understand what I have been through.  But I don't understand what they have been through either.  I have to remember: this isn't just about me.  It is about knowing and loving God and knowing and loving others.

To think of ourselves when it comes to serving God, totally goes against what it truly means to be a Christian.  Here are some helpful verses: 

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.  Rom. 15:1-2

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Phil. 2:2-4

And he (Jesus) answered, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.  Luke 10:27

• "I don't fit in."  That's true; there may be no official, former addicts here.  No one has my exact background.  But this is a group of sinners seeking Christ, and the Spirit is present when people meet in the name of Jesus.  If I don't fit in here, I am in trouble.

I wrote about this struggle here: Finally belonging.  We can experience the same struggle for different reasons.  But it is self-centered at it's core.  I know, there are emotions involved here, but when we begin to allow our focus to turn inward we lose focus on what God wants us to do and on how we can love other people.

• "They are a bunch of hypocrites."  I can't believe I have stooped to that excuse!  I am losing my creativity!  If there are some hypocrites there, then I should fit in just fine.

Wow, who hasn't heard this one?  It's the classic excuse for not getting involved in a church, put the blame on everybody else.  Granted, there are churches where people do not desire to follow Christ and obey his Word.  There are churches where what the pastor preaches from the pulpit is a far cry from the way he lives throughout the week.  But those are not good churches and hopefully a better one is available for you.  Remember, if your focus is on serving God and others, the fact that there are people who live hypocritically attending the church should not hinder you from wholehearted service.  And just think of what a great example you can be to them!

On another note, perhaps we are all hypocrites at one time or another.  There are two definitions to the word hypocrite.  One is: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion.  And the second is: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.  In reality, there are times when we try to appear better than we are.  It can be subtle or overt.  It is a nasty thing for one to act is if they are a Christian when they are really not.  But we cannot put genuine believers on such a high pedestal that we expect them to never fail honor the Lord.  Really, who would hold themselves to that standard?  We are all in need of grace and mercy.

• "I just don't feel comfortable in church."  Of course I don't always feel comfortable in church.  It's not a bar (or a club) and it usually doesn't smell of stale cigarette smoke.  But since God is the One who tells me to meet with his people, this is going to be one of the first times I do what I believe is right rather than do what I feel.

When you meet with Christians, remember that these are your brothers and sisters.  You will be spending eternity with them.  

This place should not be like what you are "used to".  God should not be like what you are used to either.  God is holy and as his people we should be striving to live holy lives.  God doesn't want our life to look just like the life of a person who doesn't have his Spirit indwelling their heart.  God doesn't want our churches to be just like a place where the Spirit of God cannot abide.  And as the word holy is defined, our God is "exalted and worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness."

People who have struggled with addictions can be great blessings to the church.  They are open about their past struggles.  They know they are sinners, and they are usually willing to tell you the sins with which they presently struggle.  They want practical teaching.  They are real and down-to-earth.  Since they once wore masks and hid behind lies, they can usually tell when you are.  And they know they need Jesus."

He goes on to say that as we help someone who has struggled with addiction, we should "have a vision for some of the many gifts he will bring to the body of Christ."

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.  1 Peter 2:9-10

Want to read more on a similar topic?

Just for a day

They said what??!!

"I just don't feel like I need church"

"Is it ok that I'm wearing pants?"

Holding hands
Speak up
The difficulty of not getting what you expected
Stop looking for the "perfect church"
Whenever the doors are open we make a decision

A little more perspective

I recently finished reading "Family Driven Faith" by Voddie Baucham Jr..  There is much in this book to be praised and commended.  What parent doesn't need all the encouragement they can get to live out the gospel and to teach it to their children on a daily basis?  Sometimes we need to be shaken up a bit and rise up out of our comfort and complacency to fulfill our God-given responsibilities.

I appreciate his exposure of the wrong thinking of the culture around us as well as popular church culture.  As Christians, we are can be prone to go with the flow of what is happening around us without questioning if it is good, right or biblical.  The author points out that when it comes to marriage, some see it as an entrapment to avoid as long as possible or at least until they have experienced what life "really" has to offer.  When it comes to children, they are seen as a burden to prevent or minimize.  There is much ungodly thinking that has affected us even more than we sometimes realize.  And he points out our flawed thinking in the book.

There is also much encouragement in this book to be a strong, God-centered family.  I appreciate that.  We need more of that.  He encourages regular family time spent worshiping God together.

The chapter on love was very well thought out.  He takes a good look at the incorrect view of love that is so prevalent in our culture.  While many are so focused on romance, feelings and falling in and out of love, God calls his people to a much higher standard.  He says "Love is proved by our efforts.  If I say I love God, there should be evidence in the things I do (or the way I expend my energy and effort).  By the same token, if I say I love my wife, that should be evidenced by my actions.  If my actions are self-centered, I am demonstrating love for me.  However, if my actions are directed toward meeting her needs, then she truly is the object of my affections."  Now that is biblical.

It wasn't really until I got to chapter seven that I began to run into some issues with what I was reading.  I have already addressed my concerns with his take on schooling options for our kids and church nurseries here: Different perspectives.  But as I finished reading the book I came across some other areas of concern.

First, his beliefs concerning raising godly children are very deterministic.  Here is a quote from page 164: "Parenting is a tough job, and we have a limited amount of time to accomplish a lifetime of work.  As I write this chapter, my daughter is finishing her last year of high school, and my oldest son has about three years left (the babies haven't started yet).  When that time comes, it will be nearly impossible to undo the things that were done badly or redo things that were missed.  Sure, I will still have a relationship with my children, but for the most part the die will have been cast."  I cringed when I read this.  While I do understand the significant responsibility that we have as parents to teach our children about God and to teach them right from wrong, this kind of thinking puts all the weight on the parents.  And often, especially once the children have grown, many parents are unnecessarily laden with guilt if their children turn from the Lord.

I did not grow up in a Christian environment.  My mind was, in many ways, saturated with ungodly thinking and as I grew I made my own choices and I am responsible for those choices.

"Nearly impossible to undo the things that were done badly"?  "For the most part the die will have been cast"?  God, by his grace, can overcome any obstacle to pointing out the path to faith and obedience to his word.  Yes, as parents we do our part, but it is not completely up to us to make our children Christians.  That will depend on God's gracious work of mercy and their turning to him in faith and repentance.

There are many examples in the Bible of parents who had a strong faith in God and their children went their own way.  There are also examples of children who completely turn from the lifestyle of wickedness exemplified by their parents and yet the children turn wholeheartedly to God to serve him and love him all of their days.  Is it best to have parents who love God and teach their children about him every chance they get?  YES!  But I believe that we can encourage parents to do this without using the language used in the book.  There is always grace, there is always forgiveness, and there is always hope.  All parents are flawed and have their weaknesses and struggles.  To adopt this mindset that my actions will set in stone how my child relates to God and others is leaving God out of the picture.  I can have a huge impact in their lives and what I do as a parent matters for eternity.  I am doing the best I can to honor God with how I parent my children.  And as parents we should continually aim to do better as we grow in grace.  But that's just it.

We are growing in grace.

Secondly, I would like to give some perspective to his points about youth ministry.  His main concern is that parents are not discipling their youth in their own homes.  He is right that some have the highly errant philosophy that it is the job of the church (and only the church) to teach their children about God.  He gives many worst case scenario examples.  For example, in the book the author quotes a youth minister from North Carolina who said "If I become too pastoral, the kids won't be entertained, and they will go down the street to the guy with all the bells and whistles.  If I become too evangelistic, I get complaints about the shallowness of the group and the post-youth ministry dropout rate.  I can't win."

The author goes on to say that "This explains why parents who take their disciple-making mandate seriously are beginning to be skeptical about turning their children over to the youth ministry.  How does a mother build truth into her daughter's life, nurture her, guard her, and encourage her toward the application of that truth, then send her into an environment that will oftentimes by its very nature be hostile or at least ambivalent toward that truth?  How does a father raise his son to respect young women and protect their purity only to send him off to the youth building with exposed midriffs, low-cut tops and skin tight jeans?  Again, this is not universal.  However, it is prevalent."

Ahem.  I will not sit here and attempt to make the claim that I have a perfect youth group in my church.  There are no perfect youth groups and there are no perfect churches for that matter.  That is primarily what concerns me with this book.  The family integration model is presented as if it does not have any flaws.  I have never seen it in action so I cannot speak for it.  But I do have one question to pose.

The author's main objection to having a "youth ministry" is that we should not hand over our youth to be discipled by someone else.  It is our job and we should be doing it.  Yes, I agree we should be the primary disciplers in our homes but I have a question here.  What happens in a family integration setting?  Do they follow the biblical model of hearing the Word of God preached by a pastor when they go to church?  If so, wouldn't that constitute having someone else teaching your children about God, even if they are sitting right there next to you?

I understand, there are flaws in some youth ministries.  Youth ministry aside, there are flaws in churches.  But we don't abandon the ministry all together.  We seek to improve it.  I believe there is a way to do it right and in a way that honors God without abdicating our role as parents.  Interaction between all ages should be regularly encouraged and opportunities can be provided to encourage this.  To say that the best way is to have every age sitting in a church service together is not necessarily the only way.  We teach our children according to age in so many other aspects of learning.  I am not so sure that we should avoid doing this when it comes to instruction in the Bible.  But I am not professing to be an expert either.  My point is that I may not attend a family integration church but that does not mean that because we have a church nursery and a youth group that we are failing to honor God as we ought.

My children go to the nursery and they go to classes that are geared toward their age.  But that does not mean that they never interact with our church family or that they cloister with their peers avoiding anyone who is not their age.  Does this happen in some cases?  Yes.  But it can happen in any environment if young people are not focused on being used of God in whatever age group they cross paths with at church.  Again, it goes back to what is taught at home combined with the heart of that young person.  Those things will always affect what we bring to the world around us and to the church.

A youth ministry can have a God-centered, God-honoring focus.  I appreciate the ministry we have at our church.  Amera (17 years old) sits with us in the service and she goes to a classroom with the other teens during Sunday School.  They are taught God's Word by other people who love the Lord like we do.  She also sits with us on Sunday evenings and every other Wednesday night.  I think this is a very good balance.  During Sunday School, we as parents have the opportunity to interact with other men and women and the Word of God.  We have opportunities to share our struggles in times of discussion without our children sitting right next to us, listening.  I think that these are valuable times that are edifying.

Yes, there will be fun activities for our teens, just the same as there are fun activities for adults.  But when it comes to Sunday School, the goal is not to entertain them, it is to support what the parents should be doing at home and teach them the Word of God.  In reality, all believers should be encouraging and supporting each other in our efforts to look to Christ ourselves and then to point our children to him as well.  We may not be in a church setting where our children are always at our side but then again, we do have them the whole week through do we not?

Different perspectives {writing prompt}

When I opened my email this week to see what the writing prompt was, a smile spread across my face.  I've been thinking a lot about "different perspectives" lately.  I've spent time reflecting on my own perspective toward things like parenting, schooling options, and the way that we do things in church and outside of church.  And I find that, though we can have a very strong stance on some of our preferences, what works for one may not work for another.  And it's usually when our perspective clashes with a perspective different from ours that we really have to evaluate our attitude about it.

One thing that can motivate pride in our hearts is that we have found something that works so well for us...shouldn't everybody else do it the same way?  We have found a great way to achieve what we believe to be God's best and others ways of doing things become second rate or even unacceptable.

I have to admit, I get a little uncomfortable when a new parent comes to me for parenting advice and I feel as if they think I am some sort of parenting guru and I know all of the right answers to every unique situation.  I have not faced every situation. I have been at this parenting thing for a while but I am not an expert, nor will you be.  I only know what I have done and the results that I have experienced.  But that is with my kids.  I fear that though some of the parenting philosophies out there have been helpful to some, other parents end up frustrated and feeling guilty because it's not working for them.  It's ok if one thing doesn't work, you can try another approach and not feel like you are a bad parent.  Read books, think, evaluate, pray and consider your personal situation.  What will work for you?  Of course, I am speaking on matters of preference.

Being in a big family has given me even more perspective than what I had before because I find that what worked with one child does not work with another.  How much more from family to family?

If something has worked well for me, I'll share it.  But I'll say "This is what I did/do"  and maybe they can try that if they are inclined.  But I am not going to put forth my way of doing things as the be all and end all in parenting.  I have to stay humble and remember that though I've learned much, there is still more to learn.  Each of us lives in a different context and stage of life.  Our personalities differ and so do the personalities of our children.

As for schooling?  There is much to consider and the decision shouldn't be made lightly.  There is a great need for parents to step up to the plate and make the discipleship of their children the primary focus.  But that does not always mean homeschooling.  Homeschooling is not even an option for some.  And it may not always be the best choice.  Homeschooling doesn't even guarantee discipleship.  Even with my kids with me all day I can still get too busy with life and neglect to disciple them.  I understand the public schools and even Christian schools pose their challenges but I really think we are putting our own limitation on God when we say that homeschooling is the only way.  "Public school" doesn't necessarily mean "bad" and "Christian school" doesn't necessarily mean "good" either.  Do your research and think and pray through your options carefully.  I could be wrong on this but I'm pretty sure that God leads people in different ways.  It's true that there are many parents who send their kids off to school and don't spend any time discipling them in the ways of the Lord.  But there are others who do.  Homeschooling is not the only way to live in obedience to Deuteronomy chapter six.  I am certainly not trying to discourage homeschooling.  I am just saying please be careful about developing a perspective that thinks that it is the only option.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our current context that we forget that there are other God-honoring ways of doing things.  I was just talking with a friend the other day about the way we used to think.  She went through a time in her life where she felt that the only way to be modest was to wear a long and full skirt.  Everywhere.  Even while skiing.  I can also remember a time in my past where I might not have been that serious about it but I was buying into the thinking that stresses that a skirt is the only way to be the most feminine and godly as possible.  I don't think so anymore.  I think that a woman can be very feminine and modest in pants.  And in many situations it is the most practical and comfortable thing to wear.  It is often when our perspective comes face to face with another that we begin to reevaluate things.

Recently, in a book I am reading, the author talked about "family integrated church".  This is a church that practices keeping their children with them in a church service.  They do not have nurseries and he spoke very negatively about them and the parents who use them.  He believes that the nursery is "one of the greatest crutches in the church".  He also said that "Parents who have neglected to train their children have very little encouragement to do so when there is a place to hide them." (Voddie Baucham Jr., Family Driven Faith, pg. 147)

Ok, I get it.  There are parents who are neglecting to train their children to sit still.  Some have seen the need for it but perhaps they don't think it is possible for one so little.  We are dealing with imperfect people here who need hope and encouragement that it is possible.  He gives that in the book but I found some of his words to be offensive.  From my perspective, I am someone who trains my children at home.  I am in a context where we do have a church nursery.  My child goes there and is lovingly cared for and I can focus on hearing the message that God has for me that day.  And I am not unspiritual, neglectful, or irresponsible for putting my child in a nursery.  I am also freeing others from the potential distraction that could come as a result of bringing my small babies/children in the service.

I am glad that family integration is working for some it definitely sounds like it has its benefits.  But that is one context among many.  There are people struggling with parenting.  There are parents who would not feel they could sit through a church service with their kids.  There are parents who are training them at home and it just so happens that the child is not "getting it" as quickly as another child did.  And there are so many occasions for pride if we are not careful.  This is ministry and we cannot cookie cut everyone.  Especially when there are people who have just come to Christ and just walked through the doors of the church.  Are we going to tell that struggling, needy for hope and encouragement mom that we do not have an place to care for her little ones while she listens to the Word of God?  I am sorry, but looking back to when that was my case I think I might have turned and ran.  It's going to take time, discipleship and God working in her heart to get anywhere close to having her children sit still through a service.  Shouldn't we consider her perspective?  There is much to appreciate and agree with in this book.  The importance of a strong family unit and taking ownership of discipling our kids.  But in different families, places and situations that doesn't always play out exactly the way we think it should.  (You can read another review on the book here: A little more perspective)

What about you?  Have you ever found that you have held to a strong perspective on something but another perspective made you think twice?

(About the photo above: Brienne and I are learning to play guitar together.  Fun!  My "HP" laptop died yesterday.  Not fun.  It seems we are never a two laptop family for long.  Thankfully, I can use my husband's laptop.  The thing is, the only pictures I have on here are of Brienne with her guitar.  It doesn't exactly have anything to do with this post but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! :)

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/different-perspectives/

Someone that changed me {writing prompt}

It still fills me with wonder and awe to think of how a soul can turn from darkness to light.  How a person with all of their bad habits, and lifestyle choices can completely change and become someone new.

I shared it with a neighbor over the phone recently.  I explained how years ago I sat at my dining room table, so afraid of being lied to by a religion, so afraid that I was falling for something, not ready to accept it because I was not about to be duped into this stuff.

Yet I sat there reading the words of Christ.  I wanted to understand, I wanted to know.  Who is God?!

It was as if light flooded my dark soul and I turned to it to walk in it.  It was God.  He was showing me the way.  He was helping me to see clearly.  I knew in that moment that he would never lie to me.  Never.

How does this happen?  How does a person who is blind to what Christ has done for them suddenly begin to see?  God shows them.  It is his work in the human heart.  It is amazing how he does it.  How he softens hardened hearts and even gives us the grace to fully see our own ugliness inside.  Here's the thing, though.  He does it in the most loving way imaginable.  He is grieved and since he is a righteous and holy judge, our sin angers him too.  We have chosen ways that are ugly, dark, harmful and wicked.  We have chosen ways that hurt us and the people around us.  These ways are so far from who he is.  So far from his majesty, glory and light.  Yet, he loves.  And he reaches down in love to rescue us from our hopeless condition.

Whenever I think about what God did in my heart on that day that changed my life, I think about the people involved.  I remember their love too.  Two memories stand out to me and bring tears to my eyes when I think of them.  The first one is of my pastor's wife at that time.  I have a vivid memory of one of the first times we welcomed them into our home.  It was shortly after we began attending church for the first time.

We wanted to share our lives with them and our home.  And of course that meant we were sharing the lives that we had without Christ.  One of the things I had was a puzzle I had put together and framed.  It was this fairy lady and she was wearing all sorts of weird jewelry.  I remember she had some sort of skull image hanging from her ear.  Of course, nowadays I have no interest in hanging some fairy lady with skull images on my wall but at the time I thought it was pretty cool.  All I can say is that my pastor's wife had an attitude of love and respect toward me, even though I know that my beliefs and convictions were very different from hers.  She didn't make me fell less than.  I would see the beauty of her home, I would feel the warmth there and one day I would see that there were better things than skulls to decorate a home with!  But I do believe that her kindness in those moments was something that God used to change me.

The second thing that stands out to me from that time frame is when I shared my interest in psychology with my pastor.  I was so interested in how the human mind works and at one time I thought I would use my G.I. Bill to study it in college.  He said something like "I have a book you might like to read".  And he brought me a book written from a Christian perspective.  He didn't get into some argument with me about all the issues with secular psychology.  He just offered me an alternative.  Something better.

It wasn't much later that God revealed to my soul that there was something far better than anything I had ever known.  Something better than man's reasoning or man's imagination.  I saw the beauty of his ways, his commandments and his love.  I saw the beauty of who God is.  And in that moment I knew that nothing else would ever compare.


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/you-changed-me/

Being homesick {writing prompt}

When your dad is in the Air Force, staying in one place for very long is never a guarantee.  I was born in California.  In fact, I was born in Paradise.  That has a certain ring to it, doesn't it?

Well, it wasn't long before moving became something familiar to me.  Anticipating the new place we would live and settle into was a thrilling experience.  I have lived in a few different places in California.  But in between living there and then moving back again when I was eleven, my dad was stationed in Hawaii.

Many of my childhood memories are there:

~Frequent trips to the beach
~Sand in between my toes
~Lying in the wet, glorious sand as the tide rushed in and out
~Boogie boarding on the waves
~My dad trying his best to surf
~The taste of salt water on my lips
~The day I spent far too long out in the sun and could barely move because my sunburn was so bad.
~Snorkeling in the clear blue water of the Bay
~Laughing and playing with my sisters for hours.  It seemed like we were never in a hurry when we were at the beach.
~Building sand castles
~Delighting to see crabs pop their heads out of the sand to say hello...funny little things.
~The time we went to a "Luau" and saw what it was like to roast a pig in the ground.  We were still laughing and playing on the beach even after dark.
~When we weren't at the beach, we were playing in the pool in our back yard.  It was one of those pools with a hard plastic rim all around and a blue bottom.  Or my sisters and I would play in a sprinkler...or on the slip 'n' slide.  I was just telling a couple of my kids the other day how one time, we got creative and used a tarp and dish soap for a makeshift "Slip 'n' Slide".  We were water lovers for sure.  As far as I can remember, I spent most of my time in the water.  Sometimes, I would play for so long that my fingers would resemble prunes. :)
~My mom trying new things in the kitchen.  Like egg rolls...those were yummy!
~My mom and dad in a moment of bravery (or was it craziness?) attempting to skateboard (My dad has the Beta video to prove it)!
~Enjoying having my own room in the "Lanai" which was sort of like a screened in porch only with windows and shades.  I had a big bed out there and felt like a princess for a little while.  Having my own room was nice but I also enjoyed sharing a room with my sister.  I remember the excitement of decorating it together and making it our special place.  We had bunk beds that could come apart and be single beds if we wanted. We always enjoyed changing things around.  I'm still like that.  It's a happy feeling when the furniture is rearranged and everything seems fresh and new.  I'd move things around more now if I could.  But options are a little more limited these days. :)

As I said, when I was about eleven my family returned to California.  Suddenly there were billboards (Hawaii has none, good thing too) and milk and bread were cheaper.  I don't know why I remember that but I do.

There would still be some moving around for me.  I would attend three different high schools.  The last one was in North Dakota of all places.  And I just have to wonder what it feels like to be in one place for a long time.  What does it feel like to stay put and dig in your roots?

Come to think of it, I have actually lived in South Carolina for almost seven years.  But the thing is, we did not come here with the intent of staying long-term.  We came here to prepare for full-time ministry.  We have always wondered where God might send us.  And there have been many instances throughout this time period that we have simply come to the conclusion that HERE is where God wanted us to be.  And so we decided to "bloom where we were planted" knowing that it was beyond our control anyway.  God makes no mistakes.  He knows what he is doing.

Yet even though we have "bloomed" and we have made it our aim to serve God in the here and now, there is a longing to do what God has called us to do.  There is a desire to be in the place where all the preparation becomes practice.  There is a desire to dig in some roots and stay put for a while.

My family will soon be flying out to California again to candidate at a church.  And no matter what is decided, I am confident that God's plan for his people will continue to unfold as it has since the beginning of time.  We are ecstatic as we anticipate meeting our brothers and sisters in Christ all the way across the country.  We are excited about what God is doing.

Ultimately only God knows all the details.  The Christian knows that time on this earth is temporary.  That is the thread that should run through everything I do, no matter where I go.  I am here to serve God and in the big picture, I will not be here for long.

There is a place more wonderful than any place I have ever lived.  In fact, Jesus called it Paradise (Luke 23:43).  I have not been there yet and I don't know exactly what it looks like.  But the thing that makes it so wonderful is that God is there.  And I know that when I am there, I will truly be home to stay.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/being-homesick/

I don't miss it {writing prompt}

I am sixteen and sitting in a chair in my parent's basement.  My step-dad was recently stationed with the Air Force in North Dakota.  I don't want to spend much time outside.  This freezing cold weather is quite a dramatic change from sunny California.

My grandmother had given us a typewriter and it inspires me to write.  I love the clacking sound that the keys make and the response of the metal-armed letters making their impressions through a ribbon of ink onto the paper.  The letters forming to make the words I need to say.  The words on the page are the deepest expression of my heart that I can muster.  I find that I am suddenly enjoying poetry as never before.  I delight in choosing words that rhyme and fit my message.  I am treading new ground and it is exhilarating!

> > > > > > > > > > > < < < < < < < < < < <

I kept many of those poems for years.  Recently, I actually chose to throw some of them away.  I remember being a teenager and wondering about my mom.  I wondered what she wasn't telling me about herself.  Were there things she would never want me to find?  Were there things that she threw away?  Things that were perhaps burned?

No matter how much I want to know my loved ones, there are just things that only God knows and that is best.  He can handle those things better than we can, can't he?

So I dug up those old poems in my attic.  I read them over again.  It wasn't easy to remember myself so utterly lost as I sat at that typewriter.  It grieves me that they are not "clean" enough to pass on to my children with pride.  Quite frankly, they are embarrassing.

I do try to be as open as possible with my kids.  But some things will always just be between me and God.  It's not for them to know.

But there are some things can be redeemed.  Some things can be learned from and serve as cautions and warnings.  Some things can serve to bring honor and glory to a merciful and amazingly gracious God.

One of my poems was called "What if I died tomorrow?"  Yes, death comes to us all and how could I not wonder about what that would mean for me.  I did not know if there was a God.  It would be the very thing that would bring me to tears in my adult life.  I did not know.  I experienced such inner turmoil over this.  I won't put the whole poem here but here are some of the words...

What if I died tomorrow?
What would there be?
Nothing to see, no more me.
What if I died tomorrow?

While I had questions and didn't really know what to believe, especially about God, I was certain of one thing: my death would be the end of me.  Sadly, that is what I thought.

It's all different now.  I have faith in my Jesus.  He conquered death for me.  His Word says that I will reign with him forever.  He has made me his own.  I have no doubt that when I die I will see his face.

And that will be a most precious sight to behold.  So precious it brings me to tears just to think of it.

I want to build a legacy with my family.  A legacy of truth, righteousness and beauty.  We cannot have these things apart from God though many often try.  I want to give my children every opportunity through Christ to not waste their youth on empty pursuits.  I want them to see that God is real and there is nothing better than living a life devoted to him.  I really mean it, there is NOTHING better.



Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/i-dont-miss-it/

[A note about my "anger" posts: I am planning to post a little more on the topic of anger.  Maybe a part three?  I think that there is more to clarify and consider.  I am studying it out and asking God to help me to understand what his Word says.  I think this is a rather touchy topic that is often misunderstood.  With that said, any input, correction or clarification from my readers would be appreciated.]

Walking in her shoes {writing prompt}

If by sharing the things that are hard to speak of and the things that are deeply regretted we can help even one soul to turn to God and choose the right path, it will be worth overcoming the fears and speaking up.

I know what it's like to be ignorant and not know any better, yet at the time think that you know it all.  ("Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34)  God has given us amazing minds that, sadly, think they are smarter than he is.  How proud we become about all the things we have thought of.

I'm thinking back to my young adult life.  Thinking back to all of my reasoning and analyzing.  When I thought that I had the answers for all of the world's problems...not even realizing how much the world had affected (infected?) my thinking.  I was so LOST without God's Word.  So utterly, hopelessly lost.  It makes me sad to think about it.  And now I cling to what he says because he is so right in a world full of wrong.  I keep a tight grip because people with all of their thoughts and ideas...well...they change.  They are proud like I was and they think they have it all figured out apart from God.

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God."  They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good... Psalm 14:1

I shared yesterday on Facebook that I have been thinking a lot about abortion.  I've been thinking, not only about the millions of helpless babies that are having their lives taken from them, but also of the mothers (and fathers) who live with the pain and regret of having done this.  Yet, there is healing with God.  God forgives when we confess.  Have you experienced how freeing that is?

We may never hear another soul speak of having had an abortion.  But these women are all around us.  They need to know that God will forgive them and that his love will heal them.  

We have to be careful that we don't get proud in our thinking.  We cannot think we are somehow better because we haven't done such things.  It is only by God's grace that we have been spared from the choices, the pressures and the desperate circumstances that many women face.  They need to know God.  They need to trust him with every decision and trust that he forgives the choices they have made apart from him.

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him, 
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways 
and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 6-9

I have not had an abortion.  But that is only because of God's mercy in my life.  I was a woman who once believed that abortion was a quick and easy solution to a "problem".  I even live with the pain of having advised a woman to make this choice.  How much more pain women must experience who have chosen to end the life of their own child?  I thank God that woman did not listen to me.  That would be an even greater grief to bear.  Why am I telling you all of this?  Why am I sharing these things that choke me up and make the tears well up as I am typing?

Because God is real.  My beliefs about him run deep.  It's not just that I am "religious" now.  It's not just that I "go to church" now.  God has changed my heart!  Completely!  I am praying with all my heart this morning that hearts would be turned to him and that women would see that abortion is not a solution.  It creates problems that cut deep into the heart and soul of a mother who once carried her baby within her own body.  It has profound consequences that will never be forgotten.

It grieves me to think of who I once was.  To think that I thought the way I did.  But I am also encouraged.  Because I know that God is powerful.  I know that he can take a rebellious and foolish people and show them the light and beauty of his Word...of himself.

May God change the hearts of a people made in his own image.  May they turn to him in genuine repentance and receive his mercy and forgiveness.

I know I needed it.

Desperately.

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So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.  Genesis 1:27

You shall not murder.  Exodus 20:13

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.  Psalm 127:3

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6


Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/walking-in-her-shoes/

Why I write {writing prompt}

My desire to write is very strong.  I daydream about it, I long for it, I look forward to it.  Putting my thoughts into words makes me happy.  

When at first I begin to form words with my pen or with clacking keys, I do not always know where I will end up.  At least, not at first.  But once I set out on the course, it's like a gate opens up for me.  It is so exciting to feel as though I am running through that gate toward my prize.  It is a feeling of victory as the words I am longing to communicate freely flow.

Each post, to me, is like a mini-masterpiece.  Not trying to sound boastful, just being honest.  Yes, I am sure that I make my share of grammatical mistakes and that my writing is not without it's flaws and annoying quirks.  I will probably never be considered an amazing writer or have an impact on the lives of thousands...but even just one life?  That is what keeps me going sometimes.

You see, for a large portion of my life I have influenced people in ways that were not good for them or for me.  It is something that grieves me now in very profound ways.  The choices that we make in life are a tremendous responsibility we must bear...whether we realize it or not.  Yes, there is forgiveness in Christ and yes, there is cleansing when we turn to him but the lives of others are influenced in ways that we cannot erase.

All that to say I have a passion for the truth to be made known.  The truth about who God is, what he has done and what he is doing.  And part of what he is doing, wonder of wonders, is actually within my very own heart.  Maybe, just maybe, something He has taught me will encourage someone else along the way.  

I really do enjoy writing (blogging) but it does take a level of sticktuitiveness (I think that's a word! ;) to keep at it.  It is a commitment.  Sometimes writing is not always like charging through the opened gate at full speed.  Sometimes I am nowhere near the gate and it takes days to figure out how to get there. 

It is only because I love writing and because I love to share my heart that I continue to keep my eyes open--searching for that gate and running as fast as I can when it opens up for me.  To me, that is one of the most amazing experiences ever.

Linking up for the writing prompt here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/why-i-write/

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{P.S.  I really, really want to focus more on photography 

and have more fun with my camera.  I'm making plans...} ;)

Remembering my grandma

I'm up late sewing curtains for my bedroom.  I cut up a $3 king-sized sheet.  This is great, I am in my element.  I love finding things at the thrift store and giving them a new and useful purpose.  I love saving money on curtains.  I love that no one else will have the exact same curtains as I do.  Totally thrills me.

That is my grandma's sewing machine up there in that photo.  She wrote all the notes on those little labels.  I think of her every time I use it and remember how much she loved to sew.  I feel as though I didn't have enough time with her.  When she passed away, I was newly married with one child....wow, so much has happened since then.  I often wonder what it would be like to spend time with her now and to hear her hearty laughter.  I used to love it when she thought something was really funny and she would laugh so hard...I can still hear the wonderful sound.  

And that is my most profound memory of her.  Her laughter.  

I always felt so special when she would tell me about when I was little.  She would tell of how I knew all the nursery rhymes and how I fooled people in to thinking I could read because I had memorized the story.  A little deceptive of me, I know. ;)

Many times, she would remind me of the time we walked outside and when I saw the sunset I exclaimed "Beautiful!"  I know I was little, maybe about three (?)...anyway she thought it was the most wonderful thing. And I would smile every time she told me about it.  She would also tell of how my grandpa had taught me my colors with M&M's.  And I'm sure there were more things...if only I could remember.  Maybe mom does. ;)

It all makes me think of how short life is.  Sitting there at my grandmother's machine, the same machine that she sat at not very long ago.  She sewed things stitch by stitch, making special things for the people she loved and probably could not conceive of the day that she would not be with us and the truth is neither could we.  I am reminded to cherish the time that I have with my loved ones.  The memories that we make are precious indeed.  I sure miss my grandma.

In loving memory of my grandmother, Johnny Mae (1933-1999)

{  By the way, my mom later told me that I was two when that sunset inspired me to say "Beautiful!"  Man, that must have been so cute!  :)  }

Turn to Christ early

I've been thinking about the different testimonies that people have.  

Some have been raised in homes where the Bible was valued, taught and lived out in very real and tangible ways.  They grew up seeing the beautiful reality of a genuine faith in God.  And one day, at a very early age, they too responded to the gospel and placed their faith in Christ.  From a young age, they have been learning about God and his wisdom and truth. Praise God!  What a beautiful testimony!

There are others, who have trusted in Christ later in life even though they have had poor examples of how a faithful believer should live.  They may have even gone through a rough patch in life where they rejected Christianity.  But now they are seeking to know the God of the Bible.  God can overcome the poor examples that people have been given and show that he is different than the poor example they saw.

And there are some who, like me, grew up never hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The Bible's teachings were foreign to me...God was foreign to me.  The culture and media were strong influences in my life and I made many poor and foolish choices that I regret.

God has certainly worked in different ways in each of our lives.  I deeply treasure my salvation and the fact that I have witnessed firsthand the amazing transforming power of God in my heart. But I would not wish the anguish, shame, and regret of sin that I have experienced on anyone.  

May we never think that living a life of degrading sin is a glamorous thing.  May we never think that in order to have a compelling testimony, we need to experience the perversions of sin and then turn to Christ afterwards.  Far be it from our way of thinking!!  Would God ever have it so?

By God's grace he redeems us.  And though we have sinned, he mercifully allows us to be useful.  In some ways we may try to reason that if we hadn't sinned in a certain way that we wouldn't be able to reach certain people.  Not so!  Sin is never something to be thankful for.

People may think that we need to relate to specific sins in order to reach others but I believe that to be a lie from the devil himself.  Wouldn't he just love for us to glorify sin in such an insidious way?

It is the gospel that people need!  Not more sin to relate to!  And the messengers need to be people who truly believe the gospel, live it out and desire with all their heart to share it.  I understand that we have all had special moments with those who we could relate to, but my point is that we should never think that this is necessary to spread the gospel or to have an awesome testimony for the Lord.  The most awesome testimony for him is to live a pure and godly life.

Whether early or later in life, if we have trusted in Christ we have been saved from sin.  For those who have surrendered to his lordship early in life, I thank God.  How precious to walk with our wonderful Creator God from an early age.  How blessed you are to have been learning about the awesome God who has breathed life into your very soul and daily equips you with wisdom to live a joyful and peaceful life out of obedience to him.  

You have been saved from being battered and bruised by your own sinful deeds.  Continue faithfully in his ways.  You too, have an amazing rescue story.  This is the life I would choose for each and every one of my children.

For those of us who have turned to Christ later in life, after experiencing life-long patterns of sin...we have scars, don't we?  We have taken sin's beating.  And though, by God's grace, we have managed to come out alive--we live with the painful reality that we have deeply grieved God.  I know that, as Christians, we should all understand that our sin grieves God.  Whether we have a life-long pattern or not.  But what I am saying is that I wouldn't wish vivid memories of personal sin committed against God and others on anybody.  

Sometimes I wonder how far back in my life I should go to seek forgiveness for the wrongs I have done to my fellow man--it is a grief I would not want anyone to experience, especially in large quantities.

Let us never think that it is better to come to Christ after living in deep seated rebellion against God in our youth.  

Let us never give our children the impression that it is "normal" or even expected for them to live however they want when they are young and even worse, that it will give them a more powerful testimony in the future.  

Yes, God graciously uses us and brings glory to his name even through our failures.  But how much more glory will he receive if we turn to him early and seek his kingdom first as we live our lives on this earth.  He is worthy of our allegiance and it is never a good thing to withhold our service to the King of kings.  

Turn to Christ early, and serve him with all of your heart for all of the days that the Lord your God is giving you.  Everything else is a waste of precious time.

The last time {writing prompt}

My husband had gotten a job working in the Kansas City area and so our little family began a new home in Missouri.  Our daughter Amera was two years old at the time.

Since we really weren't sure if we wanted to have more children, I made an appointment with Planned Parenthood so that I could continue my new life there on birth control.  It was so easy.  Every three months I would go in and get a shot in the hip and not have to worry about a baby coming into my life.

What I didn't know at the time was that some women, as a result of taking this shot, are never able to get pregnant again.  Sadly, I was not really one to think ahead.  I was more concerned with getting what I wanted in the easiest way possible.  And the thought of having more children did not seem like a good idea to me.

It wasn't long after I came to know God as the life-giver that my heart was opened to allowing him to give me whatever life he chose to give.  My husband and I decided that I would not go to get the shot anymore.  And thus began waiting for an entire year to get my period again.  I had not had a period while I was taking the shot either.  I apologize if you feel that is TMI, but I just want to give you the whole picture.

And so begins the second part of my story.  Sometime after the "year of waiting" for my body to get back to normal, I was wondering if I might be pregnant.  One night we were visiting with our pastor's family and another couple.  The ladies were talking in the living room and the subject came up.  I shared my suspicions with them and we got a little adventurous and decided to head out to Steak 'n Shake for a bite to eat and then go to Walmart for a pregnancy test.  I don't think the guys were fully aware of our plan...and even now it seems a little crazy to take a pregnancy test at our pastor's house...but it was all in good fun!  Chalk it up to being young and adventurous I guess. ;) We also had a tight bond with them because they had shared the gospel of Christ with us, and discipled us in the faith.

I slipped into the bathroom to see if my suspicions were correct.  And sure enough, God was giving us another baby!  I emerged from the bathroom with my face beaming with excitement to share the news.  I was crying and laughing at the same time.  There were lots of hugs and cheers as we celebrated the life that God was giving my husband and I.  My heart was filled with gratitude.

I know that each child God has given us is a gift beyond compare.  They were "knit together" in my womb in a most miraculous way.  Each one that he gives blesses our hearts, our lives, and our home.  The woman who got a shot every three months, refusing such precious gifts, is no more.

I am so thankful that God was merciful to me and that when we had gotten that shot for the last time, it was the beginning of abundant blessings time and time again. 

One of Isabel's favorite spots, at the piano with Amera

Thank you Lord!   Your gifts truly are beautiful!

I'm happily linking up here: http://www.ellenstumbo.com/the-last-time/#respond

Finally belonging

11 years old, 6th grade

   I can remember reflecting once on who I was in the junior high/high school era.  Is there a word I could use to describe myself?  There are so many labels we have for people, especially at that time in my life.  

"Popular"  "Nerdy"  "Preppy"  "Jock"  "Punk"  "Outcast"

   I have never seemed to fit into any one category.  In my mid high school years, I decided to go for the "dark" look.  I died my long blonde hair a very dark color.  I wore dark eyeliner and lipstick.  That was great for a while, and I had a few friends who were into the same thing.  But then my family moved from California to North Dakota.  Yes, it was definitely "culture shock" for me.  People up there thought I might be a witch, I certainly looked like one!  They also thought that since I came from California that I was probably into surfing.  No, I wasn't a "surfer" either.

8th grade

With my sister, Misty, 11th grade

   It wasn't long before my desire to be "dark" was a passing phase.  Honestly, that stage of my life did not define me.  It was just me trying to identify with...something.  I didn't know who I was.  But when I came to North Dakota, I was even more of an oddball.  I didn't have the support of my little group of "dark" friends anymore.  I still wasn't fitting into any label.

Me with Amera at Fenway Park, 1999

   After trusting Christ for my salvation, I struggled to feel like I was a part of this group too.  I felt different than everyone else.  I had walked dark paths and done things that some of these people would never dream of doing.  I struggled to feel like I belonged.  The story of my life.  Some people might see it as a crutch or a weakness that I needed Christ.  Well, they're right.  Realizing I needed him is the best thing that ever happened to me.  

Me with Joelle at church, 2001

   As far as other Christians, I wanted relationships that were strong and fellowship that was deeper.  True fellowship is centered around the commonality of our faith in Christ.  Sometimes, especially in the beginning, I would feel so out of place, especially when that commonality was not expressed in interaction and conversation.  I remember one time in particular.  I stood there with a group of ladies at church, they were talking, I was mostly listening.  I don't remember what it was about, but I just felt a terrible sense of not belonging.  It wasn't their fault.  I was struggling.  I had felt it before.  

   When we got home, I shared my heart with my husband.  I will never forget his words to me that day.  He said "Marisha, you are accepted in the beloved." (Eph. 1:6)  He reminded me that I belong to Christ.  No matter what.  I realized that even though I have a different past than others, I am not that person anymore.  That person has died.  "I am a new creation in Christ.  Old things have passed away, all things have become new." (2 Cor. 5:17)  I love that verse!

I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, 

but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh

I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave 

himself for me.  Gal. 2:20

At home with Joelle and Brienne, 2004

   I am also learning not to assume things about other people.  The truth is, we don't always know what someone has been through.  Maybe even as a Christian they have utterly failed to obey Christ and they are ashamed.  Maybe they too have a difficult past that I am completely unaware of.  Maybe they've been really hurt or hurt others.  Maybe, by God's grace they have kept themselves pure and have walked faithfully with God.  That is a very good thing and precious and should never be considered less fascinating. We all have such different stories.  Yet, for those of us who are in Christ, we are one.  We are his.  We belong to him.  That is what we all have in common, that is why we can have true fellowship.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, 

there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  Gal. 3:28

   I have often had a hard time with labels.  Like "Baptist" for example.  Yes, the Baptist distinctives are most in line with what I believe from the Bible, but am I necessarily a die-hard Baptist?  Do you have to have this label to be a true Christian?  I don't think so.  But people want to have something to call me.  Personally I like "Christ-follower" or "Bible-believing Christian".  Those are good.  They are eternal, unmistakable.  I have been asked "So, what denomination are you?"  I admit, I have felt a little discomfort with this question.  I feel like the person is trying to fit me into a label and I have no control of what they think about that label.  I know that if I say the word "Baptist" that all kinds of thoughts will run through their mind.  It could be good or bad.  I would often say "I go to a Baptist church..."  And I would tack on "I just believe what the Bible says."  I feel  that to say "I'm a Baptist" is not the whole story.  It is only a part of my faith.  If there is a church with another label that preaches and teaches the truths of the Bible, then I should be able to fellowship there, whether they are "Baptist" or not.

...waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of

our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for

us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself

a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

Titus 2: 13-14

[re-posted from the archives of my former blog // dated 8.20.2012]