When I went from tough to tender

I was sitting on the edge of our bed, talking to my husband after we had come home from church that morning.  Suddenly, our conversation was interrupted by the loud cries of our five-year old.  After a little probing, I understood that she was crying over something very small.  Something that was certainly not worth all that fuss.

I immediately went into "tough mommy mode".  The mode where I toughen up and get firm because I want my children to learn not to be crybabies.  

My words were tough and resolute..."You need to get over it" and "Stop crying about it".  And this is my quick fix sometimes.  But I'm not so sure it was "fixing" things just then.

You see, sometimes I feel like I have to be tough because I worry about babying my kids.  I do believe that there is a time and place to be firm and to help them move on.  Sometimes we firmly say "Ok, You need to recover now.  You're fine."  And sometimes that is what is needed.  I don't want to prolong the self-pity and the tears.

But on this occasion, even after I went into "tough mommy mode" and sent my daughter off to "get over it"...I felt like I had "flash-parented".  That's a little term I use to describe the fact that I was quickly shooing away a problem and not really having compassion for what my daughter might be going through.  Who knows what else may have been contributing to her tears?  Maybe she had a difficult experience in Sunday School?  Maybe she was feeling hurt already and the petty issue that made her cry was like the cherry on top of it all.  I'm not sure exactly what it was.  But we did talk about things as I held her.

I have no doubt that changing my course of action and calling her into my room to snuggle on my bed with me was the best thing I could have done.

I spoke to her gently, I stroked her hair and I am convinced that in that moment it was exactly what she needed.  She practically melted in my arms.

The Lord taught me a little more about compassion that day.  And that not everything can be handled in a flash...not when there is a young soul who needs her mama's love and a listening ear that is willing to listen to her troubles or maybe just the sound of her sobs.  I just pray that I will be more sensitive to those needs when they come up.

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A few more photos during some happier times...

I'm so thankful for God's presence in our home.