Most days in my home contain a mixture of easy and hard...joy and pain...good and bad...peace and strife. Sometimes it seems to be a balanced mixture. Conflicts come up here and there and they are resolved with minimal stress and we feel a sense of victory. Sometimes I just sit back and marvel at the beauty of what God is doing in my family. I feel like I will gladly take all the joy and peace I can get. I don't mind so much if those far outweigh the pain and strife.
But what about when it is the other way around? What about when it seems like there is an issue to deal with at least every thirty minutes? (I'm trying to not exaggerate)...when things keep coming up and you're just trying to live through the day and accomplish all you need to do. But there are so many interruptions. There are real spiritual needs. There are little people struggling to put the other first...struggling to say things with love... compassion and a forgiving spirit.
It was in one of those moments yesterday, that I felt utterly worn out. I felt stretched to maximum capacity. I felt like giving up. And the only reason I don't is because I am turning to God instead.
I stood at my kitchen sink in the late evening. I was washing dishes by hand since our dishwasher is not currently doing the job very well. There was a conflict again. There I was, reminding them again of God's wisdom. Reminding them that we have strife in our home when everyone is looking out for self. Jesus has a solution...to love others the way we ourselves want to be loved (Mark 12:31). I think I remind them of this almost daily. But this final evening conflict just felt like the tip of the iceberg. I knew my response to my kids was showing some serious wear and tear...I was feeling exasperated. I was feeling tired of teaching. It was in that moment that God brought these thoughts to mind...
Love never gives up and love hopes all things...(1 Cor. 13)
Stop trying to manage this on your own and gather all the kids together and pray!
I called them all out to the living room and I confess, I don't always pray on my knees, but this time I got down on my knees...it was the only good place to go in that moment. I felt deeply compelled to do so.
I looked at my children gathered together on our couch and I spoke to them through tears. This very day, we were not building up a house with strong walls, we were tearing it down with every selfish word and action. God wants us to have peace, love and harmony in our home and it begins with each individual person. It begins with each individual heart. Don't point the finger at someone else...each of us has to resolve that we are going to obey God and love like he tells us to love or our house will crumble.
I prayed with them. I asked God to forgive us for our sins...and I admit, it was a little hard but I added
"myself included". It was hard because I wanted to focus more on the issues that kept coming up with my kids...but wait, how was I responding to those?
I told God how much we need him, how much we need his help and strength and courage to love when it's hard to love. How much we need his work in our hearts to change our selfish ways! I begged and pleaded, because I know that it is NOT in us alone to love like God calls us to love. Where exactly our efforts meet with his grace and strength, I do not know. But I know how much we need him.
Daniel's prayer in the book of Daniel, chapter 9 resonated so deeply with me this morning. Read how he prayed...
" I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer and pleas for mercy..."
"I prayed to the LORD my God and made confession, saying, "O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, we have sinned and done wrong and acted wickedly and rebelled, turning aside from your commandments and rules. We have not listened..."
"To you, O Lord, belongs righteousness, but to us open shame..."
"...All this calamity has come upon us; yet we have not entreated the favor of the LORD our God, turning from our iniquities (sins) and gaining insight by your truth."
"For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act. Delay not, for your own sake, O my God..."
This deep, heartfelt pleading with God...this coming to the end of oneself... I felt this last night. I imagine that maybe Daniel was weeping too.
The part we come to next in Daniel gives us a wonderful look into the "behind the scenes action" taking place. Daniel says that while he was speaking and praying, confessing his sin and the sin of his people and presenting his plea before the LORD his God...Gabriel comes to him in swift flight at the time of the evening sacrifice. Here is what happened, Daniel said:
He made me understand (Gabriel), speaking with me and saying, "O Daniel, I have now come out to give you insight and understanding. At the beginning of your pleas for mercy a word went out, and I have come to tell it to you, for you are greatly loved..."
I am confident today that my prayers are not "bouncing off the ceiling of heaven." My God has heard me and he will help. He will act. He will forgive. What would we do without him?
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