From a shaky start to a firm resolve {my marriage story}

A shaky start...
There I was, seventeen and fresh out of boot camp and several weeks of Tech. school.  I had joined the Air Force because it was all I had ever known and all I thought I would be able to do at that time in my life.  It got me out on my own and it got me out of North Dakota where I had spent my last two years of high school, freezing like never before and wondering what to do with my life.

I met my husband in a room full of chairs and a handful of young airmen in uniform.  We were there for "in processing" to our base.  We had both been stationed in New Mexico.

Things happened very fast for us.  And you know, it's funny how a person can think they are having so much fun with their lifestyle and yet later consider it a period of darkness.  But that is how I view those early days.  Sure, there were glimmers of light but much was missing and there were holes that only God could fill and torn places that only God could mend.  I love my husband and I am glad for God's transforming power in his life.  But I shudder to think of where we would be if God had not intervened.  And not just because of my husband, but because of me.

It was a long time before I could even refer to those early days when we met without cringing and without not even wanting to talk about it.  It was inevitable, someone would ask the question  "So...how did you meet?" and my soul was in turmoil.  I struggled between wanting to be completely honest with our new Christian friends and yet knew I had to just keep it light most of the time.  We had just come out of a different culture with a completely different set of rules.  Most of them were made up as we went along.  I knew that not everyone wanted to hear unpleasant details of how godless we were.  I felt like a war veteran returning home from a hard battle.  Everything was supposed to be "normal" now yet I had seen too much.  I had experienced things that I would not dare to attempt to put into words and most of them were by choice.  It would take time and healing to get over it.  It would take the grace of God and the understanding that his love is deep, constant and sure.

You know, I see these articles online that talk about choosing a husband and all of the things to look for.  They talk about making a list of all the qualities that are important to you and not forgetting it all when a cute guy is flattering you and you're tempted to lose your resolve.  Would you believe me if I told you that one of the first questions I asked my husband a little while after we had met was "Are you religious?"  And I wasn't asking because I was hoping he was.  I was glad when he said no.  Honestly, I couldn't have really defined "religious" except that I knew it had to do with God.  And I had nothing whatsoever to do with God.  And so, check that one off, we had a match.

The "live and let die" mentality that I had saddens me now.  What a pointless existence.  Even when I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted, I was really just confused and walking on shaky ground.

As my husband tells the story "We met in December, I proposed in February, and we were married in April."  Yeah, it happened fast.  He told me that he loved me after only two weeks.  It wasn't mutual,  I thought he was crazy.  He tried so hard to impress me, I thought he was showing off and almost broke up with him.  Almost.

When it came time for us to be married, for some strange reason I thought it should be in a church setting.  I told you I was confused.  Well, the chaplain had us take a compatibility test and it revealed that we had some very different backgrounds and ideas concerning God.  As we sat in the chaplain's office he handed me a sheet of paper so that I could read what he would say in a typical wedding and he said to me "I don't think you'd be comfortable with this."  And he was right.  There I was, in tears in his office.  Confused and wavering.

That was me when it came to my thoughts, my decisions and my life.  Just wavering.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  You try to act like you're ok, but you're not.  There are things about your life that look normal and healthy on the surface but inside you are full of darkness and emptiness.  And the sad part is that most of the time you don't even know it.  Most of the time you can get by ignoring it and think everything in your life is just fine that way it is.  Until God's light begins to shine in and helps you to truly see.

A firm resolve...
So here I am, 37 years old.  I'm thankful for God's grace.  I'm thankful that my husband and I have submitted our lives to Christ.  I wasn't careful enough but God was so merciful.  I know it doesn't always happen this way.  Those of us who know Christ cannot just take plunges in life and simply hope that everything turns out ok in the end.  We have to make careful, discerning and wise decisions when it comes to who we will spend our lives with.

I tell my children that I love their dad.  I love that he fears God.  I love that he is a hard worker and that pleasing God is so important to him.  I love that he takes good care of me.  I love that he loves them.  That he laughs and plays with them and best of all teaches them the Word of God.  This is all God's work in his life.  I don't want to take it for granted.  And I want them to see how important it is for a person to have these qualities.

You see, because cute guys who tell you what you want to hear will only last for so long.  The trials will come, the important decisions in life will need to be made and you can't get by with just his good looks and his sense of humor (although admittedly, they do help).  You want a man of firm conviction and integrity.  A man who will do what is right when no one else is looking.  A man who lives his life to please God and not himself.

Seek the Lord and choose wisely girls.  You won't find perfection but a man who loves God above all else and desires to know him more is where it starts.  And not just for them but for you.