when listening is better than talking & silence shouldn't be feared

I have often thought that silence between two people should be filled with words.  Especially over the telephone.  I fear the awkward moment of not having anything to say.  I marvel at my husband who is so different than I when it comes to this.  I will observe him pausing and being silent and my tension begins to mount.

I have been the one who prattles on about herself to fill empty space-especially when the person I am speaking to is of a quieter nature than I.  I have gone on busily filling the air with words only to later realize that I was not really loving the person I was speaking to, I was loving myself.  I was more concerned about filling awkward silence than ministering to a soul.

And I've had it happen to me too.  Someone going on and on about their own life, not really caring enough to ask me about mine.  The exchange feels so imbalanced, so one-sided.  And it hits me, I have done it too!  I understand that we don't always have the perfect balance in our exchange.  But what if we make it a point to focus on others more?  So that we can come away having learned more about the other.  Getting to know them, not just bent on making ourselves known.

If a person is quiet and prefers few words, I will not try to change them.  It will be fine with me.  And I will not feel that I need to fill space with my own words just because theirs are few.  People need to see that we love them.  Sometimes trust takes time to develop and it doesn't come easily.  Sometimes I feel this way too.  So even if it's "small talk" I want to truly listen.  To be tuned in, attentive, interested.  Caring with the care of Christ.  Loving with his love.  Considering others more significant than myself.

It will take some effort, it will take some work.  But our relationships are so worth it aren't they?

Has God been teaching you to be a better listener too?  I'd love to hear about it ;)


(Note: It's been a while since I have had an extremely imbalanced conversation, at least on the part of someone else.  I don't want to hinder God's work in your heart if you feel you have been doing this, but please don't think I wrote this post to point to you specifically.  I just wanted to share what God has been teaching me personally in this area.  Grace to you.)