We mommies pride ourselves on being discerning and wise about what our children watch. We have our standards and our opinions about things. We have our Bible knowledge. We have boundaries that we have set. The challenging thing is that we have set them in different places. What one person allows, another person objects to. And I understand that even though I consider the things that I watch to have "passed the test", some people might object to it. And I can usually tell what those objections might be. And I may still choose to watch it anyway.
So we go through this process of watching, evaluating, saying "No, we won't be watching that and here's why". Or we don't even attempt to watch it at all because we know there are certain objectionable elements in it. Or, on the flip side, we might conclude that it is mostly a very good movie, "but these are the issues kids"...
I'm just going to come right out and say it...this whole movie thing has been HARD for me. I went through a VERY picky period with movies. I would shun things with the slightest problem. I grew weary of discerning and evaluating everything. So one by one, movies got the boot. And let me tell you, we weren't left with much.
Oh, it was a very thoughtful process. I could articulate why and what the problems were. It wasn't totally mindless and unreasonable. But I do think I was a little too quick to judge.
I'm just going to come right out and say it...this whole movie thing has been HARD for me. I went through a VERY picky period with movies. I would shun things with the slightest problem. I grew weary of discerning and evaluating everything. So one by one, movies got the boot. And let me tell you, we weren't left with much.
Oh, it was a very thoughtful process. I could articulate why and what the problems were. It wasn't totally mindless and unreasonable. But I do think I was a little too quick to judge.
This is my heart...I want to be wise, I want my children to be influenced in good ways. I teach them about Christ. My greatest heart's desire is to be like Him and for my children to learn his ways. Sometimes it feels like I am swimming upstream. Especially when you throw movies into the mix. I have often felt like movies were working against me. Exposing my children to things I didn't want them exposed to. I mean, even in Sleeping Beauty, she meets this guy for the first time, alone in the woods, and suddenly begins to dance with him...both of them professing their love! Seriously?! Are you really being a wise young woman Aurora? I mean, I'm not against love but would we want our daughters to act like that? Or our sons? Just sayin'.
That is just one example of things that go through my mind, even from some of the most widely accepted movies. Sometimes I am pretty good at picking them apart. Though I admit, not always. There is probably a whole lot I miss. But I try.
That is just one example of things that go through my mind, even from some of the most widely accepted movies. Sometimes I am pretty good at picking them apart. Though I admit, not always. There is probably a whole lot I miss. But I try.
I consider myself to be a very conservative movie viewer. I try to be very careful about what we watch in our home. I recognize the profound impact that movies and television had on me growing up and in my early adulthood before I became a Christian. I have gone from a "no boundaries" philosophy to a "we better be careful and honor God with this" philosophy. And it has not been an easy transition. It is a great challenge to find movies without any objectionable material.
After becoming a Christian and considering the impact that movies could have on me and my kids, I was sobered. I felt the tremendous responsibility of leading my children down the right paths. I noticed objectionable things in movies. I thought, "I don't want them to say that, act like that, think like that!" I felt afraid of things that would be subtly or overtly taught to my children. I lamented that they seemed to be like sponges, soaking up everything they laid eyes on.
While I still firmly believe that I need to be a vigilant parent, and that we need to set boundaries in our family, I am gradually moving the markers a little. I have actually discovered that there are some good stories out there, though rarely without some aspect that I don't like. There are movies that I completely rejected at one point and now decided to give it a try and I find that it's actually a good story, even with some noble qualities. Who knew?
Is it wrong for me to overlook an objectionable element here and there? I'm struggling with this. Because I know I could easily go off the deep end and allow for a great many things and where will I draw the line?
If there is something wrong, I am recognizing it for what it is and I am thinking about what God says about it and I am agreeing with him. I am trying to teach my children to do the same.
But we can only go so far with this. There are things that will not flash on our screen. There are things we will not listen to. It doesn't matter how "realistic about sin" it is. We will not subject ourselves to it.
I'm learning to go through a process. I often read reviews before sitting down to watch a movie, but the other night I neglected to do this and regretted it. We sat down to watch a highly recommended "family film" and we were bombarded by immorality and children dishonoring their parents. It was Disney. It was PG. I admit it's tough to know exactly when to stop the film. Different people have set different barometers with this. I am trying to figure out where mine is. I used to get very uncomfortable with the slightest show of a poor attitude or disrespect, but sometimes I find that if I keep watching, it can actually turn out really well and the person learns an important lesson. The question is...is the bad behavior being glorified or presented as a good thing? And how does it turn out?
But when do you stop the movie? After the first, second, or third...offense? The really challenging thing is when the movie is funny. "But it's so funny!" True, but at what expense. The movie we watched the other night, played for about 45 minutes. And it was funny, though sometimes very crass. But there came a point where we could not go on. We were getting bombed. And we turned it off. And while I don't always want to go through this process with my kids, I think it's good for my kids to see problems with some things. To learn to look at things through a biblical lens. And to see (from their parents) what it's like to act on convictions. Even if it means stopping a movie. And don't be afraid to do so. And don't be afraid to say that something has to go. You are the parent, you decide what gets watched in your house.
Most of the time, if there is a movie we want to see, I "screen" it after the kids go to bed. It's been neat to have my sixteen year old join my husband and I. I just have to make sure I have enough energy to stay awake! This gives us an opportunity to evaluate it together and to discuss it from every angle. We determine if the movie has worth. It may have a few slightly objectionable elements, but overall what good qualities does it possess? Later, my husband and I discuss if we want to share it with the whole family...will it be a "watch it once" but not have it be a regular part of the diet movie?
This is why I rarely purchase movies. I prefer the library. First, it's free. Second, the movie goes back when we're done. It only comes back into our house if we really want it to. If we change our minds about it (which we have done many times) we can just take it back.
After we watch a movie with the kids, we have casual talks about it. We ask them questions in order to get them to think about what they have seen. We talk about how the characters handled situations and how God would have wanted them to handle it. I enjoy these talks, I try to engage them as much as I can and I teach them through it. I confess, sometimes I feel inadequate and I struggle (in my mind) with how I am going to explain something to them. But I keep trying. I attempt it. I share my heart with them. I try to set an atmosphere where they are encouraged to ask questions.
Often, I will hear my children discussing an element in a movie among themselves while I am fixing dinner or something and I tell them "That is an excellent topic to talk about over dinner". And we do.
And that's where I'm at. Making decisions one movie at a time. It's not easy, but I've decided I don't want to give up all together. To me, a good family movie that we can laugh or cry with and be impacted by it's powerful story, is worth the hunt.
I hope this post wasn't confusing. I tried my best to articulate something that I have deeply struggled with and even cried in frustration over. I only hope that what the Lord has taught me up to this point can in some small way help someone else who is facing the same things. I am travelling along this road full of dangerous detours just like you are. Thankfully we have God to lead us and teach us his ways. Let's just make sure that our movies never become more valuable and desirable to us than our God.
What struggles have you had with movies? I'd love to hear your perspective.
While I still firmly believe that I need to be a vigilant parent, and that we need to set boundaries in our family, I am gradually moving the markers a little. I have actually discovered that there are some good stories out there, though rarely without some aspect that I don't like. There are movies that I completely rejected at one point and now decided to give it a try and I find that it's actually a good story, even with some noble qualities. Who knew?
Is it wrong for me to overlook an objectionable element here and there? I'm struggling with this. Because I know I could easily go off the deep end and allow for a great many things and where will I draw the line?
If there is something wrong, I am recognizing it for what it is and I am thinking about what God says about it and I am agreeing with him. I am trying to teach my children to do the same.
But we can only go so far with this. There are things that will not flash on our screen. There are things we will not listen to. It doesn't matter how "realistic about sin" it is. We will not subject ourselves to it.
I'm learning to go through a process. I often read reviews before sitting down to watch a movie, but the other night I neglected to do this and regretted it. We sat down to watch a highly recommended "family film" and we were bombarded by immorality and children dishonoring their parents. It was Disney. It was PG. I admit it's tough to know exactly when to stop the film. Different people have set different barometers with this. I am trying to figure out where mine is. I used to get very uncomfortable with the slightest show of a poor attitude or disrespect, but sometimes I find that if I keep watching, it can actually turn out really well and the person learns an important lesson. The question is...is the bad behavior being glorified or presented as a good thing? And how does it turn out?
But when do you stop the movie? After the first, second, or third...offense? The really challenging thing is when the movie is funny. "But it's so funny!" True, but at what expense. The movie we watched the other night, played for about 45 minutes. And it was funny, though sometimes very crass. But there came a point where we could not go on. We were getting bombed. And we turned it off. And while I don't always want to go through this process with my kids, I think it's good for my kids to see problems with some things. To learn to look at things through a biblical lens. And to see (from their parents) what it's like to act on convictions. Even if it means stopping a movie. And don't be afraid to do so. And don't be afraid to say that something has to go. You are the parent, you decide what gets watched in your house.
Most of the time, if there is a movie we want to see, I "screen" it after the kids go to bed. It's been neat to have my sixteen year old join my husband and I. I just have to make sure I have enough energy to stay awake! This gives us an opportunity to evaluate it together and to discuss it from every angle. We determine if the movie has worth. It may have a few slightly objectionable elements, but overall what good qualities does it possess? Later, my husband and I discuss if we want to share it with the whole family...will it be a "watch it once" but not have it be a regular part of the diet movie?
This is why I rarely purchase movies. I prefer the library. First, it's free. Second, the movie goes back when we're done. It only comes back into our house if we really want it to. If we change our minds about it (which we have done many times) we can just take it back.
After we watch a movie with the kids, we have casual talks about it. We ask them questions in order to get them to think about what they have seen. We talk about how the characters handled situations and how God would have wanted them to handle it. I enjoy these talks, I try to engage them as much as I can and I teach them through it. I confess, sometimes I feel inadequate and I struggle (in my mind) with how I am going to explain something to them. But I keep trying. I attempt it. I share my heart with them. I try to set an atmosphere where they are encouraged to ask questions.
Often, I will hear my children discussing an element in a movie among themselves while I am fixing dinner or something and I tell them "That is an excellent topic to talk about over dinner". And we do.
And that's where I'm at. Making decisions one movie at a time. It's not easy, but I've decided I don't want to give up all together. To me, a good family movie that we can laugh or cry with and be impacted by it's powerful story, is worth the hunt.
I hope this post wasn't confusing. I tried my best to articulate something that I have deeply struggled with and even cried in frustration over. I only hope that what the Lord has taught me up to this point can in some small way help someone else who is facing the same things. I am travelling along this road full of dangerous detours just like you are. Thankfully we have God to lead us and teach us his ways. Let's just make sure that our movies never become more valuable and desirable to us than our God.
What struggles have you had with movies? I'd love to hear your perspective.
6 months ago, before my family went through a DRASTIC change in the way we choose to live (for Christ) we would not think twice about watching a PG-13 movie with our kids (16, 13, 12.) We would even watch an R movie together if it did not involve any sexual context. Why was the language and violence and impurity not enough to not watch it you ask....well, it was acceptable in the world, so we did it. Our kids would say, "but so and so has seen it!" or "it's not like I haven't seen that stuff before."
ReplyDeleteIt has been a tough 6 months changing our day to day lives, how we think, act, feel, even dress! But movies has been the toughest because we didn't even think twice about the movies we would subject our kids too (except most R movies.) Now that we care, we have blocked our cable from anything past PG, and we check all reasons for a rating on a movie before we watch.
Our children have accepted this part of our life with ease though (thankfully.) Actually, we are planning on not continuing our cable in October (when our contract is up.) It is amazing how many programs are not below PG! Even the shows that I thought were PG were not! Anyways, I think it is great that you are picky about your movie selections!
Danielle
Praise God for the abundant life and healing he brings! He is working in wonderful ways in your family Danielle. Thank you so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, we gave up cable many years ago and have never regretted it. :)