For when you think others are better than you {the ugliness of envy}

It really is sad...this cycle we succumb to sometimes.  We think someone else is better than us in some way and so we combat that by telling ourselves how much better we are in other ways.  From deflating to inflating over and over again.  We think we have found a solution to make us feel better yet the cycle continues.

Most people don't know this but when I was around the age of eleven, I was in a few beauty pageants.  Don't worry, I'm not bragging.  Please stay with me.  I remember preparing for those events.  The search for the perfect dress and meeting together with a few fellow contestants to practice how we would walk on stage.

I had no doubt that I could stand up there and look pretty--but that was about the only "talent" I thought I possessed.  I remember the sinking feeling I had when many of the other contestants participated in the talent portion of the event.  I felt out of place and under-qualified.  No talent to speak of.  At least nothing anyone would consider remarkable.  Besides, not all talent can be showcased on stage, right?

When it was my turn to speak, I stood there on stage, a man in a suit held a microphone up to my mouth and he asked me a question.  Something like "How do you feel about the wind?"  (Yes, I agree, it was dumb question to ask)  But I misunderstood his question and thought that he was asking me about how it would feel to win.  I answered his question as best I could.  But when he realized that I had misunderstood him, he clarified the question in an effort to get the correct response from me.  Yeah, I was embarrassed.  I'm pretty sure I recovered well but I was just so glad when it was over.  I had to accept the fact that I am human and will not always get everything right all the time.  I'm still learning this lesson.

Sometimes, I fear that I am far too focused on impressing people.  I wish it weren't true, but it is. Trying to be pretty enough, witty enough, fun enough, creative enough and wise enough.  At the same time, I long to be content with who I am.  Sure, I want to grow and mature and learn new things...but sometimes I feel like I'm tired of trying so hard.  Sometimes I feel discouraged and feel like giving up because others seem to be doing so much better at all the things I aspire to do.  Will I ever be that good?

You know, I still get that sinking feeling sometimes.  It happens when I start looking around me and I see the talents of others and mine seem to pale in comparison.  


Please read and let these verses sink in deep.  God wants his word to affect the way we think and act...

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, 

goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such

things there is no law.  

And those who belong to Christ Jesus 

have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.

Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, 

envying one another.  Galatians 5:22-26

The dictionary defines envy as a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.  I think we experience this far more often than we realize or even care to admit.

For example, I notice other moms.  The moms who seem to excel at so much.  Everything seems so perfectly planned and carried out without a hitch.  They seem more talented.  They are prettier and more fashionable.  They do more activities with their children.  They are super-fun moms, who don't have problems like I do...and all this comparing and envy just causes me to sink lower and lower and lower.

I find that just when I think I am doing well at something, there always seems to be someone who does it better.  Whether it's writing, photography, homeschooling, or hospitality...there is so much that I aspire to be better at...why is it that when I see others who have what I want, I am envious?  Oh, I know, envious is a word none of us likes to call ourselves.  It makes us feel so immature and petty, like we're still in grade school.  And we think we're so beyond that kind of stuff...but really all we have is an updated version of the same thing.  It can manifest itself in different ways.  We tend to hide it well.  To the point where even our closest family members would never know.  Yet it festers inside of us.  It gets us down, depressed and discontent.

Love does not envy.  

1 Corinthians 13:4

I have noticed how it affects me when I see that others are better at the things I love to do.  Sometimes I get disillusioned and I feel defeated.  It's as if I have set out on the vast ocean of possibility and adventure of trying new things and I see someone ahead of me smooth sailing.  I question if I really know what I am doing.  I begin to doubt if I can make it that far and it just takes the wind right out of my sails.

The answer is not to elevate myself above others.  Puffing myself up and patting myself on the back for all the skills I possess.  Thinking "Well, at least I'm better at _______ than she is."  Do you ever get all proud in your heart about the things you are good at?  Do you ever get critical of others who don't do as well as you do?  What goes through your mind?  Do you have love?  Humility?  Or are you envious and conceited?

Hard as it is, I want to be honest with myself.  I want to admit the wrong so it can be made right as I follow after Christ.  I am learning to replace envy with gratitude.  To consider the gifts and talents of others a blessing to me rather than wishing I could be in their place.  To thank God for the way he has gifted his people.  We are all unique and in different stages of growth, success and failure.


To be envious is to actually wish a person did not possess their God-given gifts.  It would be the equivalent of going up to a friend and saying "I wish you didn't write so well" or "Why don't you just stop being so organized" or "You should stop playing the piano so well".  It would be like saying "Quit being such a good and godly mother, will you?!"

Could you imagine saying those things?  I don't think I would ever say them out loud but I know that the thoughts go through my mind sometimes.  You know what I mean?  Wishing I were better and they weren't so good.

How unloving it is to actually desire for someone to tone down on their gifts so that I can feel better about mine.

I want to serve God with what he's given me.  That's all I can do.  It will be different than what he has given others.  I may have to trudge through some beginning stages with using what I have been given but I want to aim high and continue to grow, learn and improve.  But I won't do it by stepping on others along the way.  Instead, I'll praise God for the beautiful gifts he bestows on others, knowing full well that he hasn't overlooked me.  He loves me too much for that.                                                                                                                                                                         

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you

not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,

but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure

of faith that God has assigned.

For as in one body we have many members, 

and the members do not all have the same function, 

so we, though many, are 

one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us,

let us use them...

Romans 12:3-6a