My younger sister Hollie died very suddenly a few weeks ago. She was twenty-nine years old. She was suffering from a terrible migraine headache which led to a brain aneurysm. My dad and his wife are caring for her three precious children.
When Hollie was rushed to the hospital, she could not breathe on her own. She was on life support. The doctors tried everything they could to give this young mother her life back, but they could not. Her brain was no longer functioning. I was stunned. My mind could not seem to comprehend it. Waves of grief came over me as I wept for her, and I felt regret that I did not know her as well as I wanted to. This was my little sister, I grew up with her, I loved her.
As I sat on the airplane on my way to Washington, I looked out the window and saw that we were flying high above the clouds. But even though I was up so high and seemed to be bigger than all those "little" things down below, I felt incredibly small and frail. My future days on this earth are never guaranteed. Sometimes we need to be reminded of this. We need to be reminded how dependent we are upon God for every breath and heartbeat. We are not in control as we sometimes think we are.
For some this causes feelings of panic and worry. For others like me, it's a comfort. To know that absolutely nothing is outside of God's control. To trust him in every circumstance, knowing that he is good and that he is accomplishing his will and purpose in everything. Even in the death of someone we love.
Me and my baby sis
When I came home from Washington, after being gone for one week, I felt gratitude like never before. I know that my days are in God's hands and that when I die I will be with him forever (JOHN 3:16), but now my appreciation for every gift he gives me on this earth is magnified. The busyness of life will not prevent me from loving with every fiber of my being. Taking the time to hug, taking the time to talk, to just sit together, to laugh or to have a heart to heart. Yes, we do these things, but I want to do them more!
And what of my service to my great God and King? Am I putting things off until later? Have I gotten satisfied with where I'm at in my walk with him? There is so much to do, so much to change, sometimes I feel overwhelmed with it all. Yet every day I strive to do better than the one before. To pray to him more, asking him to do great things. To pray, asking him for grace to keep my attitude right throughout a challenging day. To make the best use of my time "because the days are evil" EPH. 5:16, endeavoring to use all the time he gives me for his glory and trusting that he will show me how to do that as a gentle father leading his child.
"Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness! Why should the nations say, 'Where is their God?' Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases...You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD! He is their help and shield." PSALM 115:1-3,11
[re-posted from the archives of my former blog // dated 4.28.2011]
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