Celebrating and grieving, all in one day

(Note to self: do not buy triple chocolate frosting with chocolate chips again, it does not spread well and your cake may fall apart.  Additional note to self: buy two cans of frosting so that you have enough for the sides of the cake!...why haven't I learned that by now?   Oh well, we enjoyed it anyway!)...

...especially Isabel.

I want to remember this day.  This little girl, turning one, full of cake and smiles.  Me, feeling so blessed to be her mommy.  I think of all the days I have had the joy of delighting in her beautiful smile and all the times lately that she has been copying everything I do.  My laugh, my expressions, my movements...even running my fingers through my hair...she sees me do it and she does it too.  My precious girl, I have so many dreams for her future.

Later in the day, we heard of the tragic news from Newtown, Connecticut...so many children murdered in such a senseless act of violence.  So many families grieving their loss...it's unbearable to think of the grief they bear.  Our family gathered together to pray and we were so very sobered.  Sobered by the awfulness of sin and it's effects.  We had just been lightheartedly celebrating the birth of our daughter as people were suffering from this unthinkable atrocity.  Our laughter had turned to tears when we heard the news.  

In addition to the burden we feel for the families and their tremendous loss, we grieve our own sin.  The times when we have been frustrated, angry and unkind.  It plagues us all.  We probably all think we would NEVER, EVER go that far into selfishness, sin and evil...but how far have we gone from the purity and holiness of God?  Jesus is the only answer, the only one who can redeem us...we need him.  We need more of him in our lives.  We need more of an awareness of how short our time is on this earth and how much more glory we can bring to our God.

Am I wasting time?  Am I distracted?  Is God's kingdom my focus?  Am I dealing with the sin in my life?  I mean REALLY dealing with sin in my life?  Am I exhausting myself more with teaching my children the Word of God or with keeping my house clean?

So many questions now as the stark reality of the unexpected stares me in the face and I seek to be more certain that I am living out my faith to the fullest...

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Return, O LORD!  How long?

Have pity on your servants!

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, 

that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

and for as many days as we have seen evil.

Let your work be shown to your servants, 

and your glorious power to their children.

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, 

and establish the work of our hands upon us;

yes, establish the work of our hands!

Psalm 90:12-17