I sat across the table from my husband in an Italian restaurant. We chatted about various things as we waited for our food to arrive. As much as I was enjoying our conversation, I couldn't help but overhear the mother in the booth to my left. She seemed very annoyed as she gave one of her two daughters instructions on how to use her utensils. Her daughters looked to be anywhere from 6-8 years old. She spoke harshly, she rebuked, she was exasperated.
Their mother continued to spew out her frustrations through pursed lips for what seemed like ten minutes. Frustrated by her daughter's lack of coordination she began to compare using utensils to playing the piano. Not even kidding.
When my husband stood up to go to the restroom, I decided to turn around just a little and sneak a quick glance at her daughter. Beautiful little girl, though her eyes were downcast. If I, a complete stranger, was cringing at every word coming from this woman's mouth, how much more this little girl?
It surprised me that this mother didn't see any need to keep a little quieter, be more discreet with her rebukes...did she enjoy her children at all? Was she that much of a perfectionist that she was going to harp on her daughter for the course of the entire meal? It grieved me and I wanted to warn her. I wanted to scribble down a quick note to give to her before we left. Maybe it could say "You have beautiful children, love them, enjoy their company while you still can...think about how they are seeing you..." I wanted to somehow help her to see things a little clearer, to see how her harsh words are affecting her relationship with her daughters. Because when its all said and done, does proper utensil use really matter that much?
It's so easy for all of us to see the wrong in what someone else is doing but do we see our own? I have been trying to do that with the goal of opening my eyes to my own sin. It's easy for me to see extremes and then feel glad that it's not me doing that, but where do I need to grow? What do I need to change as a mother? I think, if we're honest, we will see that we all have things we need to work on. Sometimes my priorities are out of whack and I need to adjust them. Sometimes I get frustrated when my kids don't "perform" well and I make that "thing they should know how to do by now" more important than simply loving them.
Don't follow that downward spiral of being annoyed at this and annoyed at that. Get your grip on God and take steps upward, choosing to love your kids as God wants you to do. Do there need to be rebukes? Yes. But do it out of love for your kids and love for God. Not because you want them to be perfect and not make your life difficult. Say what needs to be said and move on. Love them and delight in being with them.
What can you do to show more love to your children today?
If asked, would they say that you enjoy their company?
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21
Love this, Marisha. I had to pray for that woman and her girls while reading, because there is so much "power in the tongue," as you quoted. But I also have to look at myself, be aware of my own actions and words. The truth that I'm not perfect. I say and do things at times that don't show that I enjoy the company of my children. And it's as easy as repenting. Apologizing and doing it right. I'm so glad to have a good relationship with my kiddos, and I hope it continues into their adulthood. I know that a big part of that is just asking for forgiveness, then, enjoying them.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Jacqui. It amazes me how forgiving children can be. And the way that their faces just light up when we admit to them that we were harsh or impatient, that we were wrong and we feel sad about that...the whole process just brings wonderful healing to our relationships with our children. God's ways are true and right and bring peace. Thank you for praying for her and her girls. God hears and I pray he will work in her heart, as well as ours.
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