Are you listening to what he's saying?

Whenever couples say that they never have a disagreement, I don't believe them.  How is it possible that two people could never disagree?

Maybe they mean that they never yell, fight or argue like children?  Ok, I believe God can help with that and he gives grace to overcome those things.  But...to never disagree?  How can two people who are different in many ways never disagree?

Even the greatest of marriages will not be free from disagreements.  But if you're like me, you may need some help in learning how to handle them in a mature and godly way.

What I'm about to share with you will be very simple yet profound.


Listen to your husband.


When he comes to you and points out an issue that he thinks you need to correct in your life, don't get defensive.  You will be very tempted to do so.  As soon as he brings up his concerns and points out an issue with the way you are doing things, no matter how respectfully he does it, you may want to throw up walls.  You won't want to hear him.  You will give excuses and right away you will want to explain why you do what you do.  But your first reaction is not always the best one.  You must learn to truly listen...and be silent.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.  James 1:19

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 18:13

One of the blessings of being up early this morning is the quietness of my house.  All of the children are sleeping.  Any cars that might be driving around are so far away that I cannot hear them.  All I can hear are the sounds of the birds singing and chirping as the sun rises.  This glorious calm and quiet gets me out of bed in the morning because I don't want to miss it.

I find that, the longer I sit in this quiet room, the more I notice other sounds.  Like the hum of the refrigerator motor.  That is not something I tend to notice during the usual noise going on in any given day.  But I notice it when everything else is quiet.

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.  Proverbs 12:15

There are things in your marriage that you will not be inclined to pay any attention to if all you do is fill the room with the noise of defending yourself against whatever he says.  Just listen to what he has to say.  You may need to tell him that you will take some time to think and to pray about what he has said.  It may not sink in easily.  You might think he's way off base.  We have all been there.  It's possible that he is off base.  It's also possible that he's not.  Taking the time to pray and be silent before the Lord is the best thing you can do right then.

When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.  

Proverbs 10:19

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Proverbs 21:23

Another thing you may be tempted to do is to take the opportunity to point out some of his flaws.  Maybe you even think that he has the same issue that he is pointing out in you.  This is where it gets difficult.  This is when you will want to turn all of the attention from yourself onto him.  Resist that temptation.  You may not even realize that you are doing it, at first.  But this is not the time to turn things around on him.  He has come to you.  Hear him out and let it be done.  If you have something that you want to talk to him about, do it later.  Take time to pray and prepare your heart for it.  Then, hopefully, he will remember how great it was when you had actually listened to him and he might do the same for you.  No guarantees of course.  But no matter how he responds, you focus on honoring God and let God take care of the rest.

Listen to your husband.  God may have something very important to teach you through his words.  Though they are very hard to take at first, you may later realize that they were just what you needed to hear.