A love letter to God

Father, 

Sometimes I get so focused on challenges that seem so daunting that I lose sight of how great and powerful you are.  I lose sight of your purpose for me.  I know that whenever I want my will over yours it's because my heart is deceived.  It's because I doubt your goodness and I think that I know what is good for me much better than you do.  And I never come right out and say it, but it's the thoughts that run through the mind that I am sure you are most concerned with.  The doubts of your goodness that creep in unexpectedly.  The thinking that because I am willing to serve you and go where you want me to go, that you may deprive and withhold from me.  And who wants to be deprived of what they want?  It's true, you might withhold from me in some ways, but none of that diminishes the glory of your goodness.  You have already "blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places." (Eph. 1:3)

You have not promised me the house of my dreams (at least not in this life) and you already know all of my needs even before I ask you for them.  You know of needs that I don't even know about yet.  I depend on you, Father.  I need your grace to continue to trust that your will is good and perfect.  I need the faith to accept that whatever you give is best for me.  I don't need more space than I have now.  I don't need another bathroom.  I simply need you.  And I need to remember that all of these little details came into your mind long before the thought of California entered ours.  You are not intimidated by a cost of living increase or a "seller's market" in real estate.  You are not intimidated by anything!  These are things that will make us tremble when we lose sight of your power.  

Father, I know that I cannot lose sight of my primary reason for living out my days on this earth.  It is to serve you.   It is to point others to Christ so that they will serve you too.  I love you more than all the luxuries this earth can hold.  None of them can satisfy my soul like you can.  They should never hold any sway over my heart.  I want you more!

Last night,  I resolved that I will trust you no matter what you choose to give me.  It is worldly thinking that subtly whispers "I deserve..." and "I shouldn't have to do without..."  My Savior deserved far better than what he endured and he did without a great many things.  I don't deserve anything, Father.  Not even your mercy and grace.  

Last night, I also realized how much I need your help to not lose sight of what I am here for.  It's not so that I can have a nice house with all the bells and whistles.  Although you know how I have many specifics that I am asking you for, my longings have been expressed and if you choose to give them to me I won't refuse your blessing.  But you do not owe me anything.  And I know that whatever you choose to give will be out of your deep and faithful love for me.  But never let me forget that the primary reason you have given me life is so that I can proclaim the greatness of your kingdom.  A life forever with you, a great and loving God who gave his perfect Son for sinful people like me.  It's so that I can show them that this "life forever" begins the moment they turn to Christ in faith.  It is a life that is beautiful, not because it is easy, problem free and we always get what we want but it is beautiful because we know you and desire to do your will.

And who am I that I should be blessed with the opportunity to serve you and your people?  I am simply someone who loves you, who loves your awesome mercy and grace, who loves how righteous and beautiful you are.  And yet, in the same breath that I am saying I love you, I know that my love for you needs to be fuller, deeper, and my whole heart needs to be engaged.  I know that my love for you should always be expressed not just in what I say, but in what I do.  My love should be an active response to the amazing love you have shown to me.  I do not love you because of what you give me, I love you because of who you are.

Lord, you are teaching me something about following your lead.  Your plans are well thought out.  You never miss a detail.  How silly for me to presume that I am more in tune with my circumstances than you are.  That causes worry because that is when I am not trusting you.  Help me to trust you in whatever situations I face, knowing that you are good, understanding that you know full well what is best for me, and believing that you will never, never leave me without your love.  It is in the truth of these promises that my souls finds rest.

With all my heart, now and forever,
Marisha

Psalm 16 was such a blessing to me this morning, thank you for your Word!

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge,
I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you."

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, 
in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.