The trailer we are using is equipped with many necessities. And just like any other living space it has it's quirks. Like how the radio will suddenly turn on full blast at random moments. The kids think it's funny. They are probably most amused by the sight of me hurrying to turn the thing off! It's strange, sometimes I wonder if the radio has some sort of motion sensor. No matter how much I turn the volume knob (to the left!) and despite the fact that I have turned the power off--it will turn on with no help at all from human hands. It's a mixture of being humorous and unsettling. But don't worry, it seems to be happening less and less...I'm ok, really I am.
Besides, we've actually been putting it to good use lately. Our new nightly ritual: bath time snuggles and sweet lullabies in the trailer. Brienne started it one night. She made it into the trailer just a little before I did and surprised me with this lullaby CD that I had never before listened to. It set a calm and cheerful, "I'm so glad to be a mother to these sweet and wonderful children" atmosphere. Words about loving your child from their cute little nose to the tip of their toes. Words about holding them in your arms and rocking them to sleep. Words of anticipation for the coming day "We'll ride painted horses with wind in our hair. We'll always remember the laughter we shared..."
The process of bath taking had begun. Out of all the children, Isabel is the only one who still needs my help. But she likes to play a while in the tub with Clara. So while they are bathing and as the others come in after them, I hang out close by on my bed. I usually read a book or write in my journal, treasuring a little time of quiet while everyone settles down for the night. But on this particular evening, the sweet lullaby music played and began to take its effect. All I wanted to do was to lie on my bed, stare out the screen door of the trailer and reflect.
My thoughts were on my children. How much I love them and how much I want to love them more! All of my daily pondering of the past week...of wanting to really LIVE! and not just get through. To do special things that we'll always remember and not just check everything off of the "To Do List". Far too often I am too occupied with duty and task completion. Sometimes I forget to make the fun times happen. Sometimes I miss out on delighting in the little people in my life.
Usually by bed time I am tired from the busy day. The children are sent off to bed once baths are finished and teeth are brushed. But this night would start a new pattern. I didn't want to hurry them off to bed. No matter how late it was getting, I wanted to linger.
I wanted to convey through delighted smiles, hugs and kisses and reassuring words that I have more love for each and every one of them than my heart can hold. My sweet children, freshly bathed, smelling wonderful and dressed in soft, cozy PJ's wanted to linger with their mama too. And they took no initiative to go to bed until I finally had to tell them it was time.
The sky outside was dark, the lullaby music continued to play and the children were now cozy under their blankets. They all looked so blissfully dreamy. I went around and gently kissed those sweet foreheads of theirs and told them that I love them. No matter what, I always will.
No comments:
Post a Comment