I quit the comparing game

As a parent I am often tempted to compare what my children do to what other people's children do.  Maybe you can relate to this.  Imagine yourself in a conversation with another mom and she's talking about the activities her child is involved in or something her child has accomplished artistically.  You start to feel a tinge of jealousy and begin to play the comparing game.  Has this ever happened to you?

When we compare ourselves with others it's actually quite prideful.  We always aim to come out on top, to be better than them.  And if we think we are lacking we start to feel bad about it.  We feel inadequate as a parent, like we don't measure up because our child isn't learning the same skill as their child.

Don't get me wrong.  It's good to evaluate how you are doing as a parent, maybe you really are doing too little or maybe too much?  This should be a matter of prayer.  But to evaluate solely on the basis of what others are doing is unwise.  We should always seek to measure up to God's standard for us in the context of our unique situation.  The context of other families are different than yours.  The amount of children in the family, the hours that the parent works, the days that the parent works, whether you have one car or two, these things are different from family to family.  They all factor in the decision process of what activities your children are involved in.  We should also consider that there are things that are important to us as a unique family that may not be as important in another family.  Would you have to sacrifice these things in order to "keep up with the "Joneses"?  Consider carefully the choices you make and ask God what He would have you do.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.  PROVERBS 3:5-6

There are so many things that we all desire to teach our children.  We (all of us parents) often say that we want our children to learn all the skills that our parents never taught us.  But no matter how much we teach them we will never be able to teach them everything there is to know.  Just like your parents couldn't have possibly taught you.  Gaining and applying wisdom (skillful living) is a lifetime process.  Are we trying to make our children into the perfect package before they leave our home?  There are so many things they have the potential to learn.  We can aim to equip them with the skills to be a math wiz, an expert seamstress, a sports superstar, a musical genius etc.  These are all good things, but if they are our primary emphasis in raising our children then we have lost our focus.  Let us not be too consumed with these things and let us remember our primary goal as parents in Deuteronomy 6: 5-9, I know these words may be very familiar to you, but allow them to sink in ...

You shall love the LORD you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  

This should be our all-consuming passion.  This is what we must be doing as parents.  We should be grieved if we are not doing this.  It should sadden us if we are not spending time in His Word so that it flows out of our hearts when we teach our children about our great and awesome God.  With all of our "activity" this can often get pushed aside.  Don't let it happen.  Teach your children God's Word and His ways.  Teach them how to live a life in the fear of the Lord.  This is what matters most of all.


[This is a re-post from the archives of my former blog // dated March 2, 2011]