Giving even when you're not getting

I have often been the facial expression reader...the body language discerner...the tone of voice decipherer...and sometimes to a fault.  I have considered my "vibe" detector to be finely tuned and my radar for how a person really thinks and feels to be super sensitive.  I used to pride myself on that.  

The fact is, over time I realized that I wasn't always right.  Even with my own husband.  

I would read into his facial expressions and tone...

"What's wrong?  Are you upset?"  

"No, I'm fine."  

"Are you sure?"...

It was hard for me to grow in this area and just take his word for it.

And it would often happen at church too.  There would be that person, who was friendly one day and not quite as friendly and talkative the next.  Things wouldn't seem right between us...I was picking up on vibes and I didn't like the way they felt.

With a desire to make sure everything was okay between us, I would decide that I should ask her if I have offended her in any way.  Though, honestly, I couldn't think of any possible way I might have done that.

And you know what?  Over time, I began to realize that the main reason I really wanted to ask was because I wanted to be a people pleaser and I wanted to make sure they still thought well of me.  

Do you see the self-centeredness in that?

My first thought was not centered on what she might be going through.  My first thought was not to pray for her...my first thought was "I want to feel better than she's making me feel right now."  Never mind the fact that she might be going through something that I am completely unaware of.  I began to realize how selfish my concerns were.

Sometimes we struggle with the way people treat us...or maybe they don't treat us at all.  Sometimes we feel neglected, under appreciated, unnoticed, and slighted.  And it's in those times that we may need to adjust our  focus.

Instead of asking "What am I getting from people?" we should ask ourselves "What am I giving to people?".  

And with that second question open up our heart to God and ask him to search it.  

It's easy to complain about what others aren't doing, but it's harder to deeply consider what we ought to be doing.  Especially in light of what God has said.

Even the Lord Jesus "made himself nothing and took the form of a servant" (Phil. 3:7).  He "came not to be served, but to serve" (Matt. 20:28) 

Is that your mindset?