Even after all the ups and downs, I love you still

Dear Javier, 

I just have to chuckle whenever I see this photo.  Sometime in the year 2000, wasn't it?  Probably taken by some automatic camera as soon as the ride began...

Look at me...ha!...looking terrified and probably thinking "I'm gonna die!"

Look at you...probably thinking "Yeah!  Bring it on!"  You always were ready for just about anything.  Me?  Not so much.  Still, in this roller coaster of life we have had so much we have had to learn, haven't we?

Me...always wanting to get things done NOW...overly concerned that time would run out and it wouldn't get done.

You...not in a rush, planning to do it later...calm and unhurried.

You...often reminding me that sometimes the work can wait.  Sometimes what I think is best, isn't.  And how often have you had to slow me down to just sit and talk and cuddle?  You have taught me how to put first things first.

I remember the frustration we felt...

Me...because I wanted that shelf put together TODAY.  

You...because I was asking you to do it without taking into account all of the other pressures you were facing.

Bit by bit we are learning to love each other more selflessly.  Isn't that what marriage is all about?

I've learned to communicate well with you.  To be clear about what I need...not to assume that you ought to know already.  We seem to have come to a point of being on the same team instead of working against each other.  When I need your help, I know that I can ask you when would be a good day to accomplish it.  I have learned to trust you more and to treat you that way.  I have also learned to be a little more flexible if the day we set aside rolls around and suddenly plans have to change.  

I grew to know you more--to know how you prefer to be approached.  It took many tries...and you have learned so much about me too...after many tries.  

I know I have had my share of complexities and you have probably wondered if you would ever understand me.

I think of all the silly things I have grown out of.  Remember early on in our marriage when I didn't want you to touch my face because I worried that it would cause me to break out (yes, I had a rough time with acne in my adolescence)?  Ok, confession--that was a little OCD.  It seems so silly to me now--but, like it or not, that was me.  You kept loving me anyway.  Thank you, honey.

And speaking of complexity and difficulty in being understood...some people like to put that label on women, but I have struggled at times too.  Both of us have spent years trying to understand the each other and all the while God has been reminding us that love does not give up.  Ever.

I loved you then, and I still do.  It may sound cliche to say that I love you even more than ever after all of these eighteen years.  But it's true, I do.  We've been through so much together.  It's been painful at times.  And I won't lie, there were times when I even thought to myself "I'm gonna die!"  We've certainly had our ups and downs.  But by God's grace we have learned to love each other more and more with each passing day.  I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!

P.S. 

It means a lot that you try your best to get to things that I need you to help me with around the house.  I've noticed how you have been getting to things right away, especially in the past couple of years.  I know that you know how much it means to me.  God taught me to be patient and wait and love you.  At the same time, he was working in your heart to learn to love me in a very tangible way.  

I praise him for his redeeming grace!

With love, 

Marisha

[Sidenote: the other guy in that photo up there has always amused me.  He looks way too calm under the circumstances!  Also, I very much doubt that he walked off that ride with his sunglasses intact!]